[wgrant32]

I need some direction on what kind of help my marriage needs. I am one of the
stupid people who married for companionship and figured love and good sex would
eventually follow. The first several years it was really no big deal that my
husband and I werent very affectionate. We had sex often but no kissing,
caressing or any real intimate intense feelings. I have never really been
physically attracted to my husband. He is not the kind of man I normally dated,
however, he is the type of man I always wanted to marry. He is responsible,
level headed, great sense of humour ect... but not much in the physique
catagory. Last year I lost 60 pounds and gained back a confidence in myself
that I had lost. This made me start to miss that feeling that you get when you
discover someone is attracted to you. I started going out to clubs with friends
and flirting a lot. I never thought I would cheat but one day I was out with co
workers and a young man 10 yrs younger than I expressed his desire for me. It
was sooooo intense and felt so good to hear someone tell me how much they were
attracted to me. I cried all the way home because I knew that I was missing
this part of my life so badly that I was bound to make a bad decision. Sure
enough I found myself wanting to talk to him everyday until eventually we had
sex. At first I did not like it at all. It seemed a big dissapointment but the
second time was very different. We took our time and he carressed every inch of
my body and seemed to be so passionate and intense. He starred at me with dark
eyes and said things with his eyes that I never thought was possible. He
hardley ever even spoke. I had never cheated before and it was not my thing
because I can not keep secrets so before too long everyone knew and I was ready
to get a divorce and move on so that I could continue to explore this new and
unknown territory of passion. However my husband was not ready to let go and
begged me to give it another chance. He agreed to start attending church with
me reg!
urlarly
and work on our sex life. He has only done one of those two things. I stopped
the affair as fast as it started but I work with this man and he is a daily
reminder of the passion I almost had and how quickly it was taken from me and
replaced with my drab life once again. My husband and I have sex once a week,
it last 2 minutes and he thinks talking like a baby is sexy. He doesnt know how
to look at me, or speak to me with his eyes and he sure doesnt know how to touch
every inch of my body as if its gold! I do not think this really matters but it may as far as the sexyness but this other man is black and my husband and I are white. It was my first experience with a black man and race has never been an issue but I do not know if it has anything to do with why he has the ability to be so sexy. I am soooo desperate for help. I do not want to give up on my lifelong commitment for something that seems so rediculous but I am very afraid that my desire to feel that feeling again is just to strong to deny. Please point me in the direction I need to go to fix this. I need my husband to try to learn how to be sexy if possible. Or am I living a lie, telling myself something that will never happen. Please help.

Wendy