[VinniesMommy]

I don't even know where to begin. I think I'm looking for advice? I'm not even sure...

On Halloween the kids, DH and I and DSS and DSS's mom all went trick or treating with MIL and FIL. DSS is terrible. He doesn't listen. Ever. And his mom completely ignores it all. He is rude, he told MIL she was bad and took a swing at her, he ran out in the middle of the street, he grabbed candy away from our kids, walked into peoples houses, etc etc. She just doesn't have a handle on him, at all. It's embarrassing to be with them! Now, even though DH is a part of DSS's life, his mom makes it clear that SHE and only SHE is his parent. She never let's DH be a part of any of the decisions that go on in DSS's life ((ie preschool, she signed him up and never said a word to DH, down to whatever she makes him for halloween, DH is never asked, told, nothing)). And you can't even talk to her about it. DSS took a swing at MIL's dog ((which is a HUGE no no because MIL's dog is her BABY)) and instead of correcting DSS, his mom said "Oh jeez, he normally likes her!". And when he took a swing at MIL, she said in a kissy tone, "give kissys, don't hit". She gives him NO discipline. DSS is fine normally, but the SECOND things don't go his way, he has a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. Her solution? Stick him in preschool. But when he gets mad, he get's nasty. Hitting, screaming, the works. He'll get kicked right out.

We can't even say anything to her, because we set our own child support. Once false move on DH's part and he's in court and she'll sink us.

I work with DSS's mom, and I went into work Sun. morning, 6:30am and she ((who is also my boss so I have to watch myself)) asks me "Do you think he is terrible?". First of all, it's 6 in the morning, SOOOOOO not ready to deal with that. Second of all, she is my boss and we are at work, so I didn't feel comfortable discussing home issues, so all I said was "It's really not my place, this is between you and Justin((my DH))" and then she starts going off the handle because DH makes her feel like he is the worst child ever ((which he doesn't do, he just tried to mention to her that she should get a handle on things)) and how he's just not military trained ((taking a shot at MY kids!!!!!!!!!!)) and what is she supposed to do? I got annoyed ((my kids are NOT military trained, they just behave!)) and walked away and didn't talk to her for the rest of the day.

Okay, so this got a lot longer then expected... But how should this/could this be handled? She doesn't listen to any one, DSS is always the Boss, she has no control, and every get together is one screaming fit after another! DSS can't even come to our house alone, she has to come with him, because he will throw a fit and hold his breath until he passes out, kick, hit, etc until she comes back. It just seems like as time passes, things just get worse. Halloween was kind of the last straw in my mind. There just doesn't seem to be any way to fix this?