[MPO0407]

Hello, I am new to this site and this is my first post. I am a stay at home mother of 3-I am 25yrs old. We have a single family home and my sister and her husband just moved in with us temporary due to her financial probelms. I stay at home and take care of our kids-4 yr old 3 yr old and our 4 mth old baby. My sister can't afford a babysitter so I also take care of her daughter who is also 3. When her oldest is out of school I also take care of her but she's easier to handle because she is 7. I wanted to start my own Co. but it's so hard trying to do everything. I am very tired. I used to clean the house but lately I don't feel like doing that anymore-I clean only on the weekends and pick up daily but I am sure as other stay at home moms you feel like there is no time to myself. I do dishes like 4 times a day-I feed kids 3 times a day, I change dirty diapers often, I have to make sure everyone plays, takes a bath, gets dressed and make sure they have their snacks in between. I do not eat healthy, I eat little things here and there anything that's fast, I take a shower once another adult makes it to the house to help me watch after the kids. I do my own grocery shopping and my sister does it whenever-she figures there is food here she knows I won't starve her daughter to death but it pisses me off! When she gets home she does her own dinner for her own family and doesn't offer me any and she leaves dishes dirty for me to do!!! I decided not to argue with her because everyone in this household disminish what I do-they think that I don't do anything but just stay at home so I might as well take care of all the household duties. I don't see my husband until 10:30 if not later and I am overwhelmed that I give him attitude because I am stressed. On the weekends I have to tell him in advance I want to do something together and depending on his schedule we might do it because he claims "it isn't the time to have fun" he has a goal to get everything in life right so he can retire and then have fun-Is like he has crazy glue on his butt and the chair because he will sleep late on the weekends and wakes up to the computer ALL DAY and when he does do something with us he has an attitude because I am "enforcing him to do activities that he doesn't want to do"!!! but he has time for SEX at night and I don't want to since I am so pissed. He was supposed to help me do my own website for a small business I want to do being that he his a web designer and has his own marketing business but there is never anytime because he is busy with all the office work we started it but not even half done!!! I don't want to argue with anyone that I just suck it up and want to close my doors and stay in bed-sleep away sometimes cry out of frustration, I need more patience and decided to start going to Church to see if I can get some peace and my kids need to start learning about God. I don't have a car due to my father borrowing the car and damaged it so I am left without a car. My husband is supposed to take me every Wednesday but he "forgot" I don't like to borrow my sisters car. I don't feel attractive anymore, I don't exercise and I realized I am overweight for my height and age. A friend came by yesterday to say Hello and the first thing she said to me was " get out of bed and do something stop sleeping and you're getting fat" well I don't sleep all day and I may not do something proactive everyday but try doing what I do and I happened to be in bed with my baby because my brother in law got home early so he watched after kids when he got home to help me out. Today I don't feel like cleaning up after anyone but myself and my kids but that will just cause an argument that the house is dirty and blah blah and besides I know I will end up doing it because I can't stand it Iwill get annoyed and figured that I have to do it anyways because if not the pile of everything will mount up. My sister doesn't really help me clean on the weekends because she is tired from working all week and her husband needs to run errands with her all day and she leaves her daughters with me-she asks if she can leave them but I say yes because if i say no she gets an attitude -she never takes my kids with her anywhere and if I go out on the weekends with the kids her kids want to go with me and I take them. I am my own victim I know. HELP!

[Labhaoise]

first off, welcome to families!
Your family is taking advantage of you, and it's only going to get worse. Is your sister paying rent? If not I would discuss this option with your husband. You said that she cannot afford her own place, maybe you could still charge a smaller amount than what they would normally have to pay. Also you need to sit down with her and tell her that you are sick of having to do everything for her. If she werent living with you, she would have to cook, clean pay someone to look after her kids during the day etc. Tell her that unless she's going to start helping out, she will have to start paying you for baby sitting.

You say that you dont do anything proactive all day.... I'm sorry but you are raising three of your own children plus looking after your sisters youngest child. I think thats more than proactive. As for cleaning everyday- I think that picking up each day and cleaning on weekends is fine! Remember no one is perfect and those who are expecting you to be need to look at themselves in the mirror.

I also really think that you need to have some Mum Only time. It might be a day, or a couple of hours in the morning or afternoon or something. You need to get away from everything and just enjoy being you. Maybe you could start going for a walk, if you have one, take your dog with you. Tell your husband that you need to talk. Tell him how all of this is making you feel. Tell him that you miss spending time with him. No one can read minds, and if you dont tell people how you're feeling they arent going to be able to do anything to help. Your family probably dont realise that you're feeling this bad, so you need to tell them.

Oh and one more thing, your friend needs to realise that you have had 3 children, one of them recently and you do not have access to all the personal trainers etc that celebrity mums have so it may take time to get your figure back- please don't beat yourself up about it.

I really hope that things start to get better soon! s