[maria4040]

Hello wonderful ladies, well as you know I was debating on whether to have a D and C, or to wait for a natural m/c, and I was worrying I would have to wait for weeks. Well the way I look at it is that the day after I had my scan (Thursday), I began to spot on Friday evening. I took it as my baby just wanted to be acknowledged that she was there one more time, then it was ok for her to go (sounding very spiritual here!) I want to write this here, although it is not the m/c board, because you ladies have really been a comfort to me.

So hubby was at work, I opened my bottle of wine (bought the day I found out I was pg) and drank a toast to my lil one, and said "sending you on a safe passage to heaven". I bled lightly over the w/end, and had two terrible days, Mon and Tue, lots of hard bleeding, and contractions coming every 5 mins for 2 days. Reminded me of giving birth to my children. Hubby stayed home as I really couldn't get out of bed. This morn, I passed the baby, and felt immediately empty, both physically and spiritually. Bleeding is slowing down, hopefully and just basic pelvic pain now, no contractions.

I took the lil one to pathology, so it can be sent away and tested to see why this keeps on happening. And I must say, throught all of this, the hardest, most gut wrenching part of it all was handing that little bag over the counter to the lady. I just didn't want to let it go, to part with it. But I had already said goodbye, kissed the bag in the car, to which hubby said "your'e not saying goodbye to the bag are you" I said yes and he kissed it too and HE got all teary eyed!!!

Hopefully things will just settle down now, I have a scan and blood tests to have in a couple of weeks to check it is all ok. So I just wanted to tell you all this as you have been a wonderful support to me, and we can all get through the hardship and pain, one step at a time. Emotionally I am good sometimes, laughing with the kids etc then something will trigger me (usually in the most inconvient place, like today in the shop!) and I will burst into tears. I suppose I just have to work through it all, as some of you have done, and it will take time. It's just hard because we came so close this time and I'm not sure about where we go from here. Well peace to you all and thanks again for everything