[aloneandforsaken2006]

My wife recently invited my Brother-in-Law to move into our home. This was done in May 2006, when I was staying away from home and only returning on the weekends, which times he was supposed to go away. We have always gotten along passably, not best friends but not enemies either. This has changed for me atleast since he moved in. Shortly after my wife agreed to this, over my admittedly subttle objection, my situation changed and I returned home everynight from work. During the intervening month between then and his expected move in, I tried very hard to come across to my wife that I did not wish for him to move in here, though I now wish I had more plainly verbalized my opinion. Just over a week before he moved in, I was injured at work, now I'm home all the time and must have contact with him every minute that he is here.
Bent's presence here has driven a wedge between my wife and I because it has made me moody and upset nearly 24 hours a day. This only serves to exacerbate an already strained relationship betwixt us and I fear for our marriage. I only wish for some out, some escape from this invasion of my home and life that will not strain my relationship any further. My wife and I have discussed this, and she is unwilling to remove him from the household and tells me to get over it. I don't know exactly what about Bent bothers me, but I can't stand him; then again it may be the invasion of my space that I feel with him here.

[Brownie]

Sorry to hear you've been injured, and I hope you're mending well in the meantime.

But the stress at home can't be helping. You don't mention if your BIL's move-in is permanent or temporary... if it's temporary, I think I'd try to ride it out for the sake of family peace. But if it's permanent, or past its appointed end-time, then, well....

It seems unfair that your wife would choose her brother's needs over her husband's... but was there a very compelling reason for him to move in or was it simply convenience? Is there a way you could help him on his way without seeming to be trying to get rid of him? (such as helping him job-search or find an affordable place to live) I think if you approached your wife from the point of view of wanting your own space in the house, now that you're housebound particularly, it would be more likely to work and less likely to offend, then simply wanting him to move out because you don't like him.

Have you reminded her of your original bargain that he should go away when you are at home? And as you're home all the time, now, well, there he goes (theoretically, I know).

There's also the matter of your health... could your doctor speak up for you in this situation? If you ask your BIL to just move out, he could be offended, but if you approach him by saying that the doctor insists you have privacy and quiet during your recuperation, he should bow out gracefully.

You mentioned that you weren't very plainspoken about not wanting him to move in, in the first place. Perhaps your wife also isn't aware of how much of an impact BIL is having on your marriage? Have you told her in plain words how he makes you feel about her?

Sorry to ask so many questions, and sorry also that you seem to be at such a low point! Do you have a neutral third party to speak to about this, for advice and perhaps to simply get things off your chest? Just talking helps us deal with things sometimes.

I wish I could say something more helpful than just "good luck", but well...
Good luck!!

[MJ7]

I'm sorry too that your wife has put her brother's needs above the husband she made vows with.

If I were you, I might tell her you love her too much to allow your marriage to be so strained over her visitor. As it's your home too and you aren't in mutual agreement, I would tell her that either she asks him to leave or you will. Let her be angry as she probably will. Would you at least be open to helping him find housing? That way at least you aren't dumping him on the streets.

I'm appalled at the lack of respect in the home. I hope everything works out and you get well. As far as your moodiness. I'm not convinced that your brother in law is any more than a contributing factor. It sounds like you're going through more and perhaps you should concider talking with your doctor about this. He or she may find anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds helpful for you in the mean time.

Take care.

[QueenAngie]

I have to agree, you are injured from work, you need peace and quiet to recooperate.

BIL needs to find another place to live. Speak with your wife. Give him 7 - 14 days to locate a place to live. Your health and your marriage are the top priorities here.

[VBliss]

I understand how you must feel about your wife taking in this person with whom you clearly do not get along. After all, it is your house. Your wife must not understand the extent of your disagreement with her brother -- if she did, she would see the importance of preserving your relationship rather than continuing this arrangement.