[ganji]

freinds,
my mother-in-law and father-in-law are known for their reckless behavior. 3 years ago my MIL got into an accident and now has paralysis. my FIL is equally carefree. me and my wife spend all our energy caring for them. i feel exhausted. there is no reward in this effort.
i am feeling outraged. i shout and fight with my wife. she is equally perplexed. how can we manage in laws who are 70&60.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Ganji!

I know how you feel.

Not certain if you live in the USA.

If your parents can make their own decisions (mine can and do so), the only thing you can do is to talk with them, then do clean-up after their decision has not been the best choice.

Do they have power of attorney for health care or finances? The person named only goes into effect if the individual is unable to make their own decisions.

If you have $$$$, look on the internet for a local case management agency to help get things organized and deal with the local agencies available in your community.

Here are some USA agencies that can help:

Dept of Aging will supply a chorelady to help with household tasks. Free, if they meet $$$ requirements. One phone call to the local Dept of Aging (in the phone book) will set up an appointment. This person can clean, do laundry, grocery shop, prepare meals. I believe your FIL at age 70 will be age appropriate, not certain if your MIL at age 60 will.

Meals on Wheels - delivery of noon meals Monday - Friday to the home. Small fee.

Home Health or Dept of Public Health can help with bathing, medicine boxes for each day, even a social worker to help assess. Their doctor has to order this and it is either paid for by private insurance, Medicare, or Public Aid. If there is no insurance, it would be selfpay.


I feel for you!

All the best!

Angie

[ganji]

im a doctor myself in india. the problem is not money but their attitude. in our joint family system elders have more powers. eventhough im 40+ im still a junior member of the family. in india more people are living into old age. these problems are becoming common.the emotional exhaustion is terrible and often gets on my health.but i value our customs and bear with this.

[QueenAngie]

Makes for a very tough situation, doesn't it, Ganji?

No matter where you are in the world, it is difficult, at times
dealing with elderly parents.

At what point, do you become one of the more mature members of the family?