[J920]

My husband and I were looking for an apartment to accomodate our growing family. Buying a house was nowhere on the radar.
My mother began looking at houses and one day took me to see a house and said she was going to make an offer on it, for her, but then later, she said it would be for us, we would pay her back the money for closing costs. She made all the calls
and did all the negotiations for us. Her insistence, because she knows more about the process and told me, she would let me know when she needed to do something. My husband was even more out of the loop.
The final contract has been signed and the approval letter from the bank is in the works and then the day before yesterday my mother said she wanted to have a talk.
Basically, that my husband came into the marriage with nothing and that I made his life better and he doesnt really deserve the house. He should work for it.
Then she said, I dont even ask her how she could afford to loan us this money. Implying that I am after her money.
Had it not been for her none of this would be possible. But I just felt humiliated after the conversation. I felt even worse for my husband. Its like someone showing up at your front door with a beautiful and expensive oriental rug and once you are standing on it they pull it out from under you.
She hasnt backed out. But earlier in this process, she told me, you wouldnt have this house if it wasnt for me. It is a very difficult and weird situation.
Any advice would be grealty appreciated. I am not arguing with her on our merits, how hard we both work, and how we have both changed our lives for the better because it doesnt seem to work.

[MissyChrissy]

Is she holding a mortgage for you? I mean, are you making monthly payments to her with the understanding that YOU will be owning the house once it's paid for?

That would be a sticky enough situation, but if she's just buying it & letting you live there, then I wouldn't do it at all.

I would be very hesitant to put myself i n a position where someone could hold something like that over my head. Believe me, I was in that situation. I was living in my dad's house (my mom co-owned it but they were divorced). Of all people to keep throwing it up in my face was my step mother! Finally, I had had enough & told my dad that I wanted to buy it, or we'd move out. My dh & I went out & got our own mortgage.

Don't underestimate your ability to buy a home. Check around & see if you qualify before you take someone's word for it. We got ours with no money down. It's not totally unheard of.

[J920]

Yes the mortgage would be in our names (our credit) and the money for closing costs, we are to pay back to her.
She is torn within herself. As a mother she wants to help, but as single mom who worked hard for what she has, the idea of others (in laws) benefiting from her hard work and savings infuriates her. Now that I think about it, it may have more to do with her feelings toward his family than us. Ugh.
Anyway, thanks for replying

[MissyChrissy]

I think once she's paid back she'll relax and be able to view it as a wonderful gift she gave you in helping you get this house. Even though you won't owe her a cent, it's still a wonderful gesture for her.

I hope it works out & she keeps some of those doubts and fears to herself. Your dh deserves as much as you do---you're a pair now.

[QueenAngie]

Family dynamics are very tricky at times. Hard to understand why your Mom was pushing so for you to get a home, doing all the work,
promising to help w/ the costs,
and then upset over this decision.

Have you put earnest money down? Any amount? Signed anything?

If your mother is having such a turn-about feelings about this deal, maybe it is time to rethink purchasing anything w/ her money....even if you plan to pay her back.

As Chrissy says, there are deals out there with no down payment and just small closing costs.

Wishing you the best!

[J920]

Quick aside: For our wedding my mother gave us $. Our one year old got very sick during the wedding and my mother took care of her. She felt cheated of enjoying my wedding and said no one went to help her (my inlaws), and therefore regretted our gift and said we didnt deserve it because we were busy partying.

My mother has told us through out our lives that she trusts no one with her money not even us, her children. It is something she has learned through her life.
I did not and would not propistion her with something like this because:
A. See above
B. My husband and I are a young couple and we figured like everyone else our time would come. With some savings, sacrfice and timing we could get a place of our own.
This whole process she initiated. She offered to put the closing costs on condition we would pay her back. All documents have been signed by me and my husband.
She has said for me not do anything without consulting her that she would let me know what I needed to do when the time comes. As well as not pay anything, such as the bank appraisal fee, because she has a tab that she is keeping that she will present to us as the total of what we owe. In short, she has taken the lead and insisted I just let her do her thing. I totally trust my mother. She has owned three houses and has her real estate license. It is as I said before and to what Queen Angie what you alluded to. Why would we suddenly get cold feet?
Conflicting emotions. She has deep seeded bitterness with regard to her finances and having to do it all alone. She is very sensitive and hates "depending" on people. My husband and she made plans to go to Home Depot. Because of some miscommunication-(he said he told her to call him when she was ready to go, she ofcourse denies it, even though i was right there) no we have to have a talk about how ungrateful, greedy, selfish children we are. Sorry for the long post. It is all so ridiculous. I love my mother and she loves me, but she has serious trust issues that I dont know how to deal with.

[MissyChrissy]

I wouldn't enter into any financial agreements with her. Period. Not till she gets over her issues anyway.