[Houston88]

I've been married for almost 30 years to a woman I really love. We have had both really good times and horrible times together. Neither one of us had intercourse before we married each other. I have a problem I wish I knew how to fix. I find her very attractive when she is clothed. I like to snuggle and hold her before, after, or without making love. For years though I haven't found her attractive when she is naked. She is a beautiful person on the inside, but doesn't let that show too often. I really wish I could see her as being beautiful. I have even prayed that God would help me to see her that way. She knows the right things to do to turn me on without looks being a factor so we can make love. The problem is after we make love. When I see her walk around naked or getting redressed I feel completely repulsed. I feel horrible for not seeing her as being attractive. It would kill her if I ever told her this. By the way, I am not expecting her to look like a 20 something year old super model, just attractive for our ages. What can I do about this? Serious answers only please. I still love her.

[Tracey with 6]

Is fitness and weight an issue? maybe you could suggest a fitness program to share? If gym is too much maybe dancing, it's great for cardio work, I think it's great you still love her and applaud you for trying to find some way to fix this in your relationship.

[browneyes01]

I was thinking the same be you could both go and join a gym together and get in shape together so as it doesn't look like she is the problem. And also you both could do evening walks together at lwast a 20 minute walk every evening to build up your metabolism and also because walking is the easiest from of exercise.

[QueenAngie]

Congrats on being married for 30 years!

So glad to hear that you do not expect her to look like a 20 yo any longer, since you have been married to her for 30 years.

Most ladies in their 50's are beautiful by
the sparkle in their eyes,
lovely hair,
wisdom in their voices,
kindness in their hearts,
and love in their souls.

Yes, for a lady 30 years will change her physically:
having children,
normal aging does cause some wrinkle lines,
saggy parts that were formerly perky.

I am also certain that you personally,
are not the same picture of the man she
married 30 years ago.
(Let's see.....any gray hair?
Too much or too little chest hair?
Too much back hair?
Formerly strong muscles now flabby?
Beer belly?
Man breasts?
Stinky feet?
Poor dental hygiene?
Doesn't bathe often enough?)
Being a lady myself, I would not begin to
even think that any of those would apply to you!

Seeing your spouse "through the eyes of love"
means that you see her as though she looked
the same as 30 years ago. Put on some
rose colored glasses.

Yes, maybe both of you should walk every evening after dinner together. Trying to reconnect those honeymoon days.

Let us know how things progress for you.

[Houston88]

Several years ago I did try to involve her in regular activity with me. I also tried to eat smarter and involve her. I even prepared a lot of the meals. I started looking and feeling better physically while she resented me for it. She has been to the doctor and had plenty of tests done, and there is not a medical or metabolic problem causing her situation. I'm not a stud or a body builder and never was, but I do respond to exercise and a healthy diet. I wear the same size clothing that I wore when I married her. We both have gray hair and that doesn't bother me at all. In response to the last entry by QueenAngie, I have always bathed and had good hygiene/oral hygiene while my wife often historically did not and had horrible body odor. She is better about hygiene now than in the past so that is not the issue now. I have very little body hair and a full head of hair on my head.

She tends to hide everything that is good about herself much of the time. She has been angry for years after a major loss. She has been to tons of counseling and several different counselors in the last 10 years. I have offered several times to go to counseling with her which was not accepted by her.

I wish I could wear rose colored glasses. As I mentioned before, I have even prayed to God to let me see her as beautiful. Trying to reconnect to the honeymoon days won't really work for us. The first few years of our marriage were not the best ones. The best ones were later for us. Our marriage wasn't too good in the beginning but gradually got better over a long period of time then got worse again in the last 10 years.

I appreciate everyone's suggestions on how to get her to change, but that is not likely to happen because I want it to happen. The reality is that getting her to change is not going to work. She is the only one that can make any changes in her. The only person I can change is me, and I apparently have limitations and difficulty with changing too.

[lizw5]

I am in the same situation as you. I love my husband but don't want to see him naked. He has gained alot of weight lately and I feel so bad. He gains it so fast and has a really hard time loosing it. I am having back surgery in two and a half weeks and am unable to exercise. I hint to him to go to the gym but he always has some excuse not to. I have been really depressed because of my injury. I have always been very active and have four young kids and I am in the same size clothes I was in when we were married.
What to do What to do.
I also have prayed to Father in Heaven to help me to love him as he loves him.