[cupcake1964]

Hi, I am new to the forum.
I have an unusual situation...
I have known my step-son for over 7 years, he is now 27. He has many issues including his mother, stepdad, just being disfunctional in general. A complete loser. I have always tried to be like a Mom to him since he never really had one. He is getting married next month (September).
A month ago we (my daughter 20 and my son 23) invited him and his fiancee over to play some board games and have a couple of beers. He became progressively drunk as the evening went on. I didn't know he was stealing booze after going into the house to "go to the bathroom" After he decided to try to start a fist fight with my son because my son "is from the city" and he "is from the country", I told his fiancee to get him out of my backyard and take him home. If that wasn't bad enough, he fell on the ground and started crying and saying that I was "hot" and he wanted to "sleep with me" (not using that term, though). Needless to say, I am disgusted, fell disrespected and don't even want to be around him or the fiancee.
I have to decided to wait until after the wedding to MAYBE tell my husband what happened. Not even sure if I want to tell him, since it will cause a rift between all of us. I am running out of excuses not to have the stepson and fiancee over. Any advice? Thanks

[LeanyBean]

Don't worry about the rift it may cause. Tell your husband exactly why you do not want to be near your step-son. The "boy" may need some help and most definitely some perspective on what is and is not appropriate behavior towards family members.

[cupcake1964]

Thanks, do you think I should wait until after the wedding?

[LeanyBean]

Only wait if you can stand to. Sooner may be better IF his future wife disapproves of his behavior towards you, it could save her from a bad marriage.

Either way, you can't keep how you are feeling all bottled up inside. It will make family get-togethers miserable if you say nothing at all.

[purelegance]

i wouldn't wait. if you wait, it makes it seem like you're hiding something.

[cupcake1964]

I really can't stand to keep it in. I am only hiding it so my husband can go to his son's wedding without this on his mind. His future wife is not much better. All she kept saying was, "Oh Joe*, you are making me giggle."

[abrahamalegre]

No day like today. it is drunken attitude and those just may be repressed behavior. I'd be more concerned if the step-son was just like that and he was not drunk. If this happens again, you should tell your husband immediately.

[stillparentingafteralltheseyears]

Tell your husband NOW!

This is totally inappropriate behavior that should be addressed by your husband.
He should be the one to decide what action to take toward his son. Being drunk
is no excuse for such disrespectful behavior.

[cupcake1964]

I agree. Last night the stepson found out his mother and her husband as well as his brother won't be attending his wedding. (His step-dad hates him). So I told my husband that I wasn't very fond of him right now either and I would explain it to him after the wedding. I can wait three weeks to tell him and then he can decide what his relationship will be with his son. Thanks for the advice!

[cupcake1964]

Yesterday, I told my husband what his son did.. My daughter was involved in a car accident and I was so upset it just came out. Now my husband is depressed, just wants to "get through the wedding" and then never speak to him again. I feel like I am the one who did something wrong and I really don't think I should be responsible for what happens to his relationship with his son.