[NewMomNewHope4MeandAll]

I am an incest survivor too AND appreciate the thread on incest. I appreciate that the gentlemen who began the thread is angry and frustrated with his partner's [COLOR=blue! important][COLOR=blue! important]father[/color][/color]. These are normal feelings AND I wish my partner had such a great empathy as this!

I was malested by my father since around the age of 11. However, after losing a job because they found out what had happened to me as a child and left me with the impression I would not be able to competent and strong enough to work in the field of Incest and sex crimes victims, I had a long time to reflect what happened to me.

I grew angry and voiced my feelings to my father and went through counseling on and off. I grew severely depressed because my other failures in life connected with what my father did to me (i.e.; accepting my own partner's verbal abuse for a period of 9 years +!, experiening periods of anger, depression, guilt and other negative feelings.

He never came to realize what he did to me and it is to this day it is minimized in many ways. For me, at this time he is in the very very premature stages of somewhat realizing the detrimental effects that his actions caused me. I thank God he did not rape me, but if things took a different direction, God knows what would or could have happened!

I think that when partners become aware that their partner has gone through something as terrible and [COLOR=blue! important][COLOR=blue! important]sick[/color][/color] as this, it is very vital and significant to be understanding, as it is very delicate and harmful already in and of itself.

For me, I found myself reliving the [COLOR=blue! important][COLOR=blue! important]pain[/color][/color] more than I should because my patner did not understand how it affected me sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically. "Just get over it," he [my partner] will continually say to me. In connection to this, I dealt with flashbacks and it left me in disguist and not able to focus in our intimate moments! I felt ashamed or something...almost as if what my dad did to me lived in the bedroom...the memory living and replaying itself during my intimate moments with my partner. At some points, I would just act and serve as an object.

There needs to be more partners like the one who began the thread. I am angry too that the father in his thread did not do any time for what he did, But guess what? In what my mother would say, " all the time, money and anything in this world can never take the pain or what he did away!!!"

I think the girl who continually sees the dad is trying to repress the memory and minimize what has happened. In social work school they speak about being able to see the parent in a good and bad light. She already lost her childhood, mother and a huge part of her soul. On a psychological level, she may be trying to achieve a relationship with her father she always wished she had.

My mother says I went to counseling for three years as a child. I do not remember as much as I try! I can vividly somewhat remember a blurred [COLOR=blue! important][COLOR=blue! important]vision[/color][/color] of two different times I went. Anyhow, I am currently with my third counselor and still have not really fully explored what has happened.

So what else can I say?
I am not sure. But what I do know, is that no one ESPECIALLY A CHILD deserves to be violated! We parents, adults, etc. have a duty to protect those who are unable. Now as a first time parent, I can not imagine a parent imposing any type of harm on their child(ren) or anyone that is so sick, unhealthy and hurtful AND VIOLATING...there really appears not be a word or enough words to describe it!!!!

For now,
NEW [COLOR=blue! important][COLOR=blue! important]MOM[/color][/color] NEW HOPE 4 ME AND ALL*

[QueenAngie]

Appreciate your story! No child should be violated or molested in any way.

Hoping for healing for all the survivors.
(((Hugs)))

[silentevil]

so I've been reading this forum now for several months and this post made me want to register and reply. I also am a "survivor" of such evil acts. I'm actually on another survivor site but have not really been able to 'talk' to anyone. Its hard to put a bunch of us together and try to get a conversation going.. Most of us are withdrawn and lack social confidence and for myself am always afraid of triggering someone. Not really sure of my point to posting this other than to maybe find other people who has been wher I am right now. I'm stuck, I'm in "therapy" but I cant speak of those "events" , or even write them..and my counselor is frustrated I think...
Very brave post NewMom, if you ever want to talk, hit me up

[NewMomNewHope4MeandAll]

To Silent Evil (user) and others-
I am glad that from the replies I received from my post has created an appreciation for sharing my story.
I am still in therapy AND still in the infancy stages of revisiting this part of my life again because it cajme back to haunt me. It is hard to talk about. I realized it is somewhat easier to write down, instead of talk about it. We can heal but I know it will take a long time. Since I began journaling in a book and put it in the context that I was writing it to God(thne higher power, out of respect for some readers) I realized it has given me an outlet. i guess we survivors have to find some outlets or an outlet to get all that pain out over and over agian EVEN if it is in baby steps--at least we are trying to do something about it!!!