[selfhelpqueen]

You seem to be very insightful and have a lot of clarity. You've obviously done a lot of healing, especially since you have been open about what happened to you - I'm assuming. Thank you for sharing the experience and insight that you have on this matter.

[vgfischer]

As an incest survivor, I understand how hard it may be for you to support her decision, and yet, I truly understand her decision. I have forgiven my father and my step-father. I have even forgiven my mother for doing nothing. I understand today that they were all very sick, and for the most part, still are. I choose today to not put myself in danger, and to not allow my children to be placed in danger, but I do continue to have a relationship, as I have healed from the anger. I wish you all the best in your journey together. It seems you have an amazing partner, and you seem very caring and loving of her.

[NewMomNewHope4MeandAll]

I am an incest survivor too AND appreciate the thread on incest. I appreciate that the gentlemen who began the thread is angry and frustrated with his partner's father. These are normal feelings AND I wish my partner had such a great empathy as this!

I was malested by my father since around the age of 11. However, after losing a job because they found out what had happened to me as a child and left me with the impression I would not be able to competent and strong enough to work in the field of Incest and sex crimes victims, I had a long time to reflect what happened to me.

I grew angry and voiced my feelings to my father and went through counseling on and off. I grew severely depressed because my other failures in life connected with what my father did to me (i.e.; accepting my own partner's verbal abuse for a period of 9 years +!, experiening periods of anger, depression, guilt and other negative feelings.

He never came to realize what he did to me and it is to this day it is minimized in many ways. For me, at this time he is in the very very premature stages of somewhat realizing the detrimental effects that his actions caused me. I thank God he did not rape me, but if things took a different direction, God knows what would or could have happened!

I think that when partners become aware that their partner has gone through something as terrible and sick as this, it is very vital and significant to be understanding, as it is very delicate and harmful already in and of itself.

For me, I found myself reliving the pain more than I should because my patner did not understand how it affected me sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically. "Just get over it," he [my partner] will continually say to me. In connection to this, I dealt with flashbacks and it left me in disguist and not able to focus in our intimate moments! I felt ashamed or something...almost as if what my dad did to me lived in the bedroom...the memory living and replaying itself during my intimate moments with my partner. At some points, I would just act and serve as an object.

There needs to be more partners like the one who began the thread. I am angry too that the father in his thread did not do any time for what he did, But guess what? In what my mother would say, " all the time, money and anything in this world can never take the pain or what he did away!!!"

I think the girl who continually sees the dad is trying to repress the memory and minimize what has happened. In social work school they speak about being able to see the parent in a good and bad light. She already lost her childhood, mother and a huge part of her soul. On a psychological level, she may be trying to achieve a relationship with her father she always wished she had.

My mother says I went to counseling for three years as a child. I do not remember as much as I try! I can vividly somewhat remember a blurred vision of two different times I went. Anyhow, I am currently with my third counselor and still have not really fully explored what has happened.

So what else can I say?
I am not sure. But what I do know, is that no one ESPECIALLY A CHILD deserves to be violated! We parents, adults, etc. have a duty to protect those who are unable. Now as a first time parent, I can not imagine a parent imposing any type of harm on their child(ren) or anyone that is so sick, unhealthy and hurtful AND VIOLATING...there really appears not be a word or enough words to describe it!!!!

For now,
NEW MOM NEW HOPE 4 ME AND ALL*

[AVR1962]

5 years ago I learned a very ugly truth that turned my world into a living nightmare. It came out that my daughters had been molested, sexually involved and harrassed for sex acts by their stepbrothers who lived with (husband had custody of his sons).
I think the boys may have been abused prior to us meeting. They were 5 & 7 when I met their dad. I say this as there is a common link with what each boy did with my daughters. They all got it started by asking the girls if they wanted to play a game with them. The oldest girl played the games, the youngest did not. the oldest daughter and the oldest boy were engaged in sexual activties of all types for 5 years before my daughter could get this to stop. She admitted to her curiosity and even feeling in love with her stepbrother for awhile but when she tried to stop it he did not listen.
When I confronted the boys (who used to call me mom, I raised them from 5 & 7) the oldest boy said he would not talk about it and the younger boy denied any memory. The older boy cut ties with us, moved and left no contact info. 1 1/2 years later when his Gma died he showed at the funeral and admitted to his father that he had done the things my daughter claimed but that he could not stop himself. There was an apology made to my daughter and they have kept in touch, and she is almost defensive of him now as I ahve not been nearly as forgiving.
My younger daughter recently asked me to get help to move forward. She told me she felt the boys were abused and that they were experimenting on them as children of abuse would do naturally. She has had counseling and taken psychology classes.
I am trying to move forward but I have not reached a point of forgiveness. I have no contact with the boys and have not seen them since the accusation came out 5 years ago. All the kids are adults now, ages 23-29.
Input helpful, thank you!

[shinkumi]

I understand bow you feel, tell your partner excatky how you feel. You don't need to pressure yourself meeting up her ather. I suggest that both of you undergo counselling, with a psychiatrist and a priest/pastor.



business leads

[Raly1783]

I passed through something like this, in my case my grandfather took advantage of me when I was 8 years, it was hard to understand at first but time has healed the wounds and I can say I got over that unpleasant event in my life.
I do not know what advice to give you but I know what it means to stay with such memories and that pain inside you. I remember how disgusted I was by myself and ... I was a child. I'm sorry for your trouble and hope to fix everything after all.
Thank you for sharing the experience!

[salsa59]

hi i too was sexually abused by my father the best thing in my opinion is to get away from this person as quick as you can.i forgive my father and went along like nothing happened for many years then when i was 29 he made a advance .they are never really sorry its a compustion that never goes away.never leave this person alone with children.

[NewcastleUnitedFan]

I was sexually by my father 16 years ago now and my sister was too, we told our school and then in turn they told the police he was arrested and entered a plea of not guilty so me and my sister was going to have to go to court and re-tell our story but at the last moment he changed plea to guilty. I was happy with that all he got was 3 and a half years but of course he only served 18 months of that sent. I was offered counselling and I took that chance I am glad that I did as I feel alot better and don't blame myself at all because of what my Dad did to me, my sister was offered it to but she only went once or twice and gave up on it. I feel that was a mistake for her as she still feels weird when she sees him about and he still lives in the same area as us both. I am ok if I see him about, but I have nothing to do with him at all and I never have since the day he got arrested, and my boyfriend knows everything that went on with my Dad and he is very supportive, we have a son together but I do worry about the day he does start to ask questions about what and where is my Dad. I don't understand why your partner has forgiven her Dad for it at all she should tell the police about it as he should be punished for what he did people but just be there for her and help her and get her to consider couselling to help her deal with what her father did to her, as it seems she is holding a lot of it all inside and not wanting to let it out.

[Kristenmickel]

In recent times came crosswise your Forum and have been understanding along. I thinking I would leave my first remark. I don't know what to say except for that I have enjoyed review. I will continue visit this forum time and again.

[purgatoryman]

hi tee i know what your going threw im having a very hard time dealing with my girlfriends father and what he did to her . its makes me shake inside just to think of this man and like your situation my girlfriend doesn't want to do anything about it ..this man molested her since she was a baby then it stopped when she moved out at 16 then when she was 23 she went for a visit and i stayed home with the baby and she told me he went into her room and raped her as an adult..this tears me up so much inside and she wont even do anything she acts like it never happened what do i do we have children together and he continues to try and contact her and come to our house ..its really eating at me and i dont know what to do?????

Originally Posted by Tee

My heart goes out to you who survived sexual abuse by parent. My partner (31 years old) and her sister (34 years old) were molested by their father for 2 - 3 years between the ages of 10 & 14. The older daughter told the mom about the dad molesting her. The mom took her to a rape crisis center and CPS removed all the children from the home for a period of one year but the father was never charged or arrested. The mother died shortly after my partner at the time 18 years old, in an angry outburst, revealed that the father molested her also.
My question is this: How do I cope with the fact that my partner still has a relationship with this man? I can't stand the fact that this animal was never charged and never took responsibility for what he has done. I hate going over to his home for anything (holidays, drive bys). It's tearing me up. I find myself upset everytime he calls or she asks if I mind going with her to his home. I feel like I just want to get far away from the entire situation. I love her but I just don't know how much I can take. Would I be wrong if I tell her I don't want to have anything to do with him? If I do that, then he will be sure to tell her siblings that I don't want to have anything to do with him and then they will start acting funny. What should I do? She's never gotten counseling for this. Her response is she's forgiven him and she doesn't want to waste time thinking about the past. The issue I have with this is every now and then she starts this long dialog about how her dad was so unfair to her and her sister to a point her eyes start filling with tears.
Please respond.