[Missingmyangel06]

Okay I need advice and I also wanted to see what everyone's views are on topic, im curious...Anyways my problem is that I have been with my boyfriend now for almost a year now and we live together. Hes black and Im white, he only has his mom because his dad left when he was a baby and is now in jail :/ which will probably bring up a whole new topic lol but thats life right? anyways..my problem is that his mother doesnt seem to be intereted in getting to know me. Which is really difficult for me to understand because my mother is open and loves getting to know who im dating, i dont see how any involved mother would not? now maybe my family is just way more open than most families and some families dont see it as important? Shes never mean or rude to me, she just doesnt ask any questions when we're around eachother, pretty much never speaks to me, never starts up any kind of conversation. Ive went over for a BBQ with my boyfriend and his mother up to his uncles house on the 4th of july, and she didnt say two words to me unless I kinda made eye contact and said something to her..like i said shes never rude she just doesnt talk to me. My boyfriend says shes just one of those people who doesnt really open up, she never has really tried to get to know any of his girlfriend, he also said she doesnt really talk to people or invite them into her life, so maybe she just is very personal?? by i dont see if im someone his son loves and is living with, why you wouldnt make more of an effort to get to know me? I also partly believe it is because im white, now maybe thats my paranoia...but it just seems that way. She's very into her black culture i can tell, by the movies shes interested in and the activities she gets involved in...one time she said she was even going to kind of like a job fair but for african american people. Plus, once when he told her he just liked white girls, he has never been interested in black girls, she said "dont even let a black girl hear u say that" Kind of jokingly but it just seems like she might have a problem with the fact that he likes white girls??? Okay sinse i seem to be going on and on....could somebody help me with this? Am i overreacting? should i just let things go and see what happens?

[KR258]

It's the same with my relationship. I don't let it bother me. I don't now if she has a problem with me or what but I don't ask and I don't cause problems. It got easier after I had our first and even easier after I lost our second but still not much communication going on. It helps when I make sure to send flowers for mothers day or something for her birthday or christmas and anniversary. I don't like to talk about what I think of my family.....so I won't go into detail. I love them just because they mean alot to dh. It all sounds very familiar...but I wouldn't let it bother you. Even if it is because you're white there isn't much you can do but be polite and make an effort. I can understand how that can hurt but try to not take it personally and try to make it hard for her to not like you. If you want to know more you can pm me.

[QueenAngie]

Maybe she is shy or introverted.

I cannot specifically address the racial issue.

Maybe it will take a while for both of you to adjust to each other.
He is a good man. And this was due to his mother's
love and parenting.

Since you both love the same man, it should be easy for you
to love each other as MIL and DIL.

Doesn't always work that way.
Think of the MIL as "Mother-in-love!"


Deviled eggs. My MIL always had them at every holiday.
Every holiday.
My family thinks that deviled eggs are for picnics and cookouts
in the summertime.
After so many years, I have finally started making deviled
eggs for every holiday.
DH and the boys love it.
In my eyes, they are still picnic fare, but
if it makes DH and MIL happy, it is a small thing for me to do.

It is the little things that will help your relationship.

[Missingmyangel06]

Okay but does it seem like a racial thing? im not saying shes racist, but i do think she prefers her son with a black woman, which indeed makes her uncomfortable about our relationship.Also i dont think she likes the fact he doesnt want to be with a black woman...shes always nice and she'll say 1 or 2 things. But the fact that she doesnt ask questions, doesnt try to get to know, to me is like a i dont want to know you but ill be nice to you cuz ur with my son, or a "if u dont have anything nice to say..." and u know the rest...thanks for the posts so far..they're helping...is anyone with a black man? how do your MIL act?

[KR258]

My mil was concerned bout our safety and that of our child but so far we have encounter no problems with people at all....I can see how we could but not where we live. We chose where we live on purpose...we wouldn't want to be somewhere that would put us in danger. Maybe she's also concerned about what others will think.....

[JeanLynn81]

Girl, you got it easy. I dated a black guy who's mom really let me have it one time. Scared me to death and that was the last time I ever saw him.

It sounds like you are making it out to be more of a racial thing that it is. He's already told you that she hasn't warmed up to any of his other girlfriends, and the fact that he's been the man in her life for a while now, it just sounds like momma's boy syndrome.

The relationship is still semi-new (under a year) and maybe its just going to take good old-fashioned time to remedy it. I know alot of girls on here who can describe worse things from mil's than "She won't speak to me." And pardon me if I put words in their mouths, but I suspect they'd be quite happy with only one or two kind words a year.

It'll get better.

[Missingmyangel06]

I think some people are just more civilized in reguards to her not blowing up at me..thats probably just how she handles things, she keeps to herself in situations she doesnt agree with, which is a good quality, its kind of like thats my opinion but im not going to force it on my son. But it also doesnt mean she likes our relationship anymore than those mothers did...i dont know...and for the comment she doesnt warm up to his others, those girls were white too, which helped me make my assumtion in the beginning...But i hope u all are right!!

[clifpi]

Hi Missingmyangel06,
I am dating a white woman as well. Honestly, I think you are over analyzing. Don't worry about it and just take his word because alot of people in general keep to themselves and take a while to open up. What I used to do is alot of the date nights I had with my girlfriend, I would invite my mom. I would let my g/f answer the phone and she would ask my mom how she is doing, make small talk find, things they have in common..in your case, her son...compliment him to her and show you care about him...eventually she will get comfortable. I know it is important for some women, if not most to form a bond with their partner's mother and that is a great thing. The fact that this is a concern of yours makes me believe you love your boyfriend and his family and they will appreciate you for that. Just always be nice and respectful to her and her son...it is highly likely she wants her son to be with a good woman...regardless of what race she is.
Your situation is not a black and white thing. Yes, there are black women who do not like the fact the some black guys prefer to date white women. For those that do, if they want to exhaust energy over that nonsense, let them. You will have to understand some of the differences of the culture and understand that his mom was raised in a different era where bonding racially was critically important (hence why she went to the job fair) and things have changed. As weird as it sounds, sometimes some people use comments regarding race to either bond or test your sense of humor..not as a comment to insult. I don't have a good explanation why, it is what it is. I can go on and on for days and it is interesting to hear your concerns as my g/f could probably relate when we first started dating. Just keep doing what you are doing. You two will be fine and I am sure he has your back...

[angelic_ky]

i think you are over analysing it all and besides what are you going to do if it just so happens to be a racial thing? not much you can do... just keep going as you are with her, maybe she just needs time