[1stTimeMomOf2]

When you brought your newborns home for the first time did you have "rules" about visitors and visitor's behavior toward the baby?
My twins are preemies and are currently still in the hospital. When they come home I'd like for them to be comfortable and for them to gradually adjust to the new environment and the amount of socializing that term babies are used to. They've been in the NICU and don't really get the same level of social activity, they don't have a lot of people holding them and passing them around and cooing over them. The occupational therapist at the hospital gave us a packet of information regarding preemies and what kind of things to adjust at home so they don't get stressed out. I feel like if I tell family and friends that they can't come over at a certain time, or they can't do things like pick up the babies and pass them around, or that they need to leave them alone if they are sleeping they'll think that I'm rude or mean. I'm just trying to protect my fragile babies until they are ready for more.
Does this seem fair to you? How would you tell family and friends about the terms of visitation?

[MommaColleen]

I didn't have a preemie but when I brought my kids home I always asked that friends/family called before coming over. If I didn't feel it was a good time for company I told them that. For the most part they understood.

[twinzplus3]

YES! YES!! YES!!! YES!!!!! Your babies are not typical babies. They are twins and they are preemies. Relatives can think you're rude or mean. You will learn to get over it the first time you let someone 'break' your rules and the twins get sick or are up all night and you AND dh are up all night. I feel so strongly about your need to set firm, strong and inflexible boundaries at first that I might just blog on it. (Unless you mind.)

You can politely tell them, give them a reason why, and leave it at that. If they insist that you're ridiculous--tell them that you are more than happy to let them hold, wake, etc. the baby as long as they agree to come over and do the night shift and/or come to help with the cleaning, cooking etc. No one, not once took me up on my "offer."

I guarantee you that if you start second guessing yourself, and let someone who has a little cough hold the baby, or let people come over and start holding the babies non stop--you WILL regret it. (ahem. . .off my soap box now)

[s4ssyc4tw3ndy]

I would think that your family and friends would understand considering the babies are premature. Sam wasn't premature but only weighed 5 lbs. 3 oz when we left the hospital so we still had to be careful. And thankfully our friends and family understood. No one came over for almost a week to give us a little time and then when they did it was short visits and they never woke the baby to hold him, and they never came in groups so I didn't have to worry about them passing him around. Talk to them tell them your concerns and the doctors concerns and I am sure they will understand. =)

[twinzplus3]

You'd be surprised with twins. . .everyone wants to see the twins. But yes, I would hope they'd understand too.

[deedee1231]

My twins were born at 36 weeks and only had to stay in the hospital for 8 days. When I brought htem home, Madison wieghed 5 lbs 1 oz and Penelope was 4 lbs 9 oz. They were not as tiny as yours are, but still pretty small. I found that the same relatives who passed my older two around with such gusto were very careful with my tiny little twins.

[deedee1231]

Sorry, I got distracted and didn't finish my post. Based on mu experiences, I just think you will find that all of your freinds and family will be very respectful of your wishes, and maybe even a little intimidated by the size of your preemies. They will most likely be very cautious when handling the twins and look to you for guidance and make it easy for you to set down the rules.

But just in case they aren't...I second everything that twinzplus3 said in her first post. Great advice!

[1stTimeMomOf2]

Originally Posted by twinzplus3

YES! YES!! YES!!! YES!!!!! Your babies are not typical babies. They are twins and they are preemies. Relatives can think you're rude or mean. You will learn to get over it the first time you let someone 'break' your rules and the twins get sick or are up all night and you AND dh are up all night. I feel so strongly about your need to set firm, strong and inflexible boundaries at first that I might just blog on it. (Unless you mind.)

Oh I don't mind - blog away! I'd love to read it!!

[twinzplus3]

Originally Posted by deedee1231

Sorry, I got distracted and didn't finish my post. Based on mu experiences, I just think you will find that all of your freinds and family will be very respectful of your wishes, and maybe even a little intimidated by the size of your preemies. They will most likely be very cautious when handling the twins and look to you for guidance and make it easy for you to set down the rules.

But just in case they aren't...I second everything that twinzplus3 said in her first post. Great advice!

That's true. . .my twins were much bigger and so people weren't particularly cautious in that way. But gosh I found that people just didn't (and still don't) get that twins are more difficult than just having one baby at a time.

[1stTimeMomOf2]

Well - hopefully once they get home they'll be a good size, but they still will be a lot to deal with. I love that everyone asks if there is anything they can do, and they have volunteered to come over and help with things. I just giggle when I picture everyone cutting their visits short when both of them are crying at once! My mom and MIL have both said they'd come over and even live with us (GASP! NOOO!!!) until we got used to it, but honestly - are you ever "used to it"? I think not. I guess I've got to get my DH on the same page, and put my foot down.