Just Keep Searching !
Hello. I am new here having just found this forum minutes ago. I have been reading the various posts and just wanted to say hello to everyone here and to encourage all who are searching to keep pressing on. Searches can take years and, yes, you do get frustrated. You hit peaks and think you're almost ready to find someone and then hit a valley and think that it will never happen. But you must keep pressing on. Even the smallest bit of information can be helpful and lead you to someone or some group who may help your search. I am not adopted, but have been blessed to help 6 others who were. Right now, I am on the verge of finding a daughter for a friend and it has been a very long 2 years. I have a mountain of notes I've taken and talked to mountains of folks who had scraps of information. Most of what I found along the way didn't help me find the girl, but it did provide me with a truly wonderful insight into the family and the story that created the search I am completing now. This particular adoption took place in Illinois in 1972 and was a completely closed adoption by an attorney and not an agency. This has made the search particularly hard. But nothing is impossible and through the 2 years, I've found that there are always other places to search and people to talk to and even programs and support groups that can help keep you going emotionally. Don't hesitate to avail yourself of anything offered to you, but be very wary of any person or group who wants money. There are few programs that are legitimate and can produce actual results. You will be surprised what you yourself can do if you don't give up. The state of Illinois has a Confidential Intermediary Program now that will search for you. There are certain guidelines that must be met before you can apply for their help, but they have been invaluable to me and as of today, I can say that the final door is about to open for my friend. Register with your particular state registry first and foremost. There may be a match immediately. This is the first thing you must do and it doesn't cost anything. You will find there can be lots of paperwork to your search. But just take each little obstacle one at a time and surmount it. After all, you want the answers, don't you? I call them "small bumps in the road" that have to be stepped over. But you can find what you're looking for and many states now have the Confidential Intermediary Program in place. When you hear that your file is sealed or impounded it can be frustrating and very depressing. But all adoptions are sealed and files are impounded and this is all part of the secrecy that was in place when you were placed. The laws were designed to protect your birth parents and it was for life and forever. So getting those answers out of some courthouse basement is not easy. But is is not impossible. Again...it is not impossible. You must access every program, every registry, every search engine and talk until you're blue in the face...until you think you can't go on...until you think there just isn't anywhere else to search. And then you must know that you are not finished and you are not out of options and there are many, many things you can still do. Sometimes in your search, you will feel totally out of steam. Finished, done, can't go on..done all I can do. But you haven't. Truly you haven't. Take a break when you feel like that. Put all your notes in a nice stack and come back to the search in a month or whenever you feel like beginning again. Every door I have managed to open has come from just keeping on and pressing forward and thinking "What more can I do today" Even one little thing can take you in a whole new direction that may just lead to the final answers. ... I just want to say that I truly am blessed to have been a part of this search I'm currently helping with and wish all of you the very best of luck and encourage all of you to stop, listen and never stop searching. It's out there, truly it is.
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