[slygirrl]

We've been separated 48 hours and the marriage is already over. We are definetly filing for divorce now and I am SCARED. Not so much because I'm losing him, the new girl he has can have him and all the issues that go with him, it's mostly bcause of the financial stuff now. I am freaked out thoroughly on how on Earth I am going to pay for everything on my own now. I have a meeting with WIC on Tuesday, I could apply for foodstamps and I figure I may as well use the system if I can because I do truly need it now. He says he'll pay for half of everything until the divorce is finalized. Yeah I trust that as far as I can throw him, I think I need to go to Child Support Enforcement and get a temporary child support order in place. I have a meeting with an attorney on Monday. She charges 200/hr and requires a 3000 retainer. Is this a good average, or am I going to be paying way more than I should (obviously I've never done this before). Theoretically we have nothing to argue about, he won't fight child support or custody agreements (because of course having the kids is going to interfere with his "play time" he has now). We paid our joint credit card off today and the account is closed. We have no other joint accounts other than my car which I made him sign a legally binding agreement (notarized and all) saying he will sign off on my car so I can trade it in and get a cheaper car payment that I alone can afford. Am I jumping the gun? I have 22,000 dollars left from my father's death it's in an account soloely in my name, and obviously I'm going to have to put something down to get financed on my own because I don't make a whole lot..... Am I missing anything?

[Alejandros Mommy]

Have you seen the post I made to nitwit regardng child support? I posted TONS of stuff there. I have delt with child support for the past 8 years. You need to read that post. And if you have any questions PM me or ask in this thread.

[slygirrl]

Lessly... I read your post to Nitwit about the child support stuff.... I'm trying to figure out if you said something in that post that I may have missed as vital. I know I am refusing to put any agreement in writing, he said he would just do whatever the judge decided anyway and if I go with the Illinois table for child support I get 34 percent of what he makes for 3 kids and I refuse to agree to anything with HIM it will be a lawyer that draws that up. I know to put things like the extra-curriculars in writing and stuff like that too people have told me to go for that and I have intentions making him carry insurance on all three of them too.....

[Alejandros Mommy]

yes that sounds like you have a good plan. You need to also take into account post-sec schooling. You should agree on an amount...separate from child support. That he needs to put into that account....and you should match it. Make sure the bills for your house, electricity etc are all paid up before taking his name off them. You should also think about getting spousal support. You are a SAHM.....working outside the home would probably not be good for you. All the $ you would make would be for daycare. Get a list of jobs you could do and a list of what daycares would cost and add them up. Then you can prove that it is not logical for you to work if you are just going to be paying someone else to take care of your kids.

DO NOT get joint 50/50 custody. This will negate any child support or spousal support you are entitled to.

HTH Any other questions just ask.

[mcmama]

Don't get 50 50 custody regardless of the financials. It is just a bad deal. One parent looks at the whole of the kids lives, and the other one chops up their lives into compartments that fit an adult schedule. Someone is always keeping score and the real parent always loses. We're too busy parenting to keep score.

[mcmama]

BTW, the way you are feeling is pretty normal.

[slygirrl]

So just so I am prepared-- what kind of custody should I be asking for? I was going to ask for joint with physical custody of them.... is that not a good idea?


Oh yeah and I have been advised by many the lawyer I have selected is a shark, now because I still have inheritance money left can I now not ask him to be responsible for my atty. fees or can I still try?

[mcmama]

Do not get joint physical custody. If you don't have any objection to him having a say in major decisions, get joint legal custody and you have physical custody. He gets visitation. From what you have said, he kind of visits you and the kids anyway on his way to do other stuff.

Of course, major decisions include moving out of state if you get a good job or need to be near family. He can keep you where he wants you if he likes. But that is the way it is for a lot of us, and it is the easiest form of shared custody to get. Consult your lawyer. If you think your husband makes bad decisions and cannot handle reponsibility in the long term for parenting, go for sole custody. But follow your lawyers advice in this regard.

Joint physical custody requires a lot of communication and 100% availability of both parents. Otherwise it is just a scheme to oppress the actual parent and nickel and dime everything. Also your kids will not be able to be protected from whatever it is he has done to cause you to separate in the first place.

[Rebecca83]

If I were you, I would make him pay for everything that you could. Especially the attorney fees. You were asking about a 3000$ retainer, this depends on how long the divorce process drags out because even though you have the retainer, if the time spent on your case goes above this amount you still have to pay the extra fees. So that is why I am saying get him to pay for it! Ask for the attorney fees and the court costs.
Good Luck!!

[Samual]

You are a couple, you need to split all the fees equally, make sure he has an itemised bill from his solicitor and you have one so you can share out the cost correctly. I would go for 50/50 custody, children should never be seperated from a parent unless they are abusive, remember if you deny your children an adequate relationship with your dad, they may very well resent you in the future.
If you have enough money in the bank which means you wont get legal aid, draw the money out, don't move it. Then put it either in one of your childrens accounts or in a family members account. They will know it's your money, but there is nothing they can do as it is not in your name.