[delmar]

She says she loves me, kisses me, acts like being with me is a joy. We were in the heat of the moment she stops us cold. We have sex about one a month. what;s up?

[MiaCamille]

Have you tried asking her? have you been with her long? You need to talk about this with her it won't change overnight..

[delmar]

Mia,
We have been married 8 years. This once a month thing has been going on for years. We have 3 small children, and she is a stay at home mom. I understand the work load on her and needing rest and time for herself. But I work alot, I try to get her what ever she wants. I don't go around acting an *** at home, always upset about having to carry to financial burden, I do it, its my duty. I also clean up, cook at least twice a week, and help with the kids ALOT. I know her needs are important, but I feel like i'm being left out. I don't go out with the boys, don't spend money on myself, it all goes to the family. The one thing I need, seems to be the most difficult thing in the worl to get. I'm not going to cheat, I just seems like the female of most couples needs alot, and one thing missing causing a total shut down on the relationship. I need one thing out many that most guys get, and you would think i'm asking her for sex everyday. WE did talk, her desire is not there, why, she says she doesn't know. I give back rubs, rub her feet, bring her breakfast in bed, not because I want sex, but because I like doing it. How is it that none of these things translates into physical intimacy?

[mcmama]

You do all that and there's no intimacy? Sheesh. Does she appear to enjoy it? Does she ask you to do these things? Or does she respond like she is being pressured?

Sounds like depression is happening here. Or a total turn off of libido.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Delmar!

Sounds like she could be a little depressed too. Has she been to her doctor recently for a regular check-up or her OB/Gyne?

Maybe Grandma or Auntie would take the 3 children for a 4 day weekend and you and wife could go away for a 4 day/3 night mini vacation together.

Let us know how things progress.

[MJ7]

I'm about to get a bit personal here. I am not sure the age of your wife, but she sounds much like me. Aside from the couple days a week where I'm ovulating, I'm not too interested in sex. I also haven't hit my sexual peek either. I have had plenty of conversations with other ladies my age who can relate so I am pretty sure what I'm going through is normal. Not sure the age of your wife, but I've been told women peek around 30ish. I too deal with anxiety though which is closely related to depression and this might be a contributing factor.

[delmar]

Thanks for all the help everyone. I know that depression was on her hard with the first child. We do talk, she wants things to be different. I know that the kids, home all the time, weight, unsure about her career, play into this alot. I know she is still attracted to me, she knows I have always been attracted to her. She sees the OB/GYN for the normal visits, but I wonder if an imbalance could be happening. I say that because she is always tired. Even after a full days rest, she can't get enough, even though she is far from lazy. We talked about it, and we just have a hard time assumming things instead of asking questions.
Thanks alot.

[MissyChrissy]

For women, sex is linked with her psyche, so if she's depressed, then she's not going to be very apt to want sex. Unfortunately, this is something very personal, and individual. Perhaps she could talk to a counselor about it-or whatever is bothering her, but you suggesting it, especially more than once, is only going to be perceived as "pressure" and make her less inclined.

You're in a very tricky situation. I can only suggest learning about the G spot & finding her buttons. Without getting more graphic than that, that's really all I can suggest-and say that there's no way in heck I can so "no" to my dh, 'cause he knows the right combination.

[delmar]

Hey Mss Chrissy,
I don't think that is the problem. I go below the border on a regular basis. And it turns her out. I do think this thing is linked to depression, or just tired of the rat race at home. Its always loud, non-stop. But the problem is that when I suggest putting her up in hotel room for the weekend, she turns it down. She says the hectic family makes her tired and thats all it is, but why not take a chance to relax. My post is not just about sex. I just want to interact with my wife for 5 days straight without her being Joan Cleaver one day and the exorcist the next. Her emotions flip-flop more than a presidential candidate talking about Iraq.
We do seem to say we love eachother enough to keep hope alive, just wishing she knew the problem so we could solve it.

[mcmama]

If she is really flip flopping that badly, she likely needs treatment for depression. YOu should probably undergo some counseling too, either with her, or for yourself to sort out what is going on.