[MissyChrissy]

But in one day? Some of you probably remember me writing about my brother's accident over the summer. His friend was riding in the back of his pick-up truck, fell out, and ultimately died due to a severe head injury. My brother was charged with criminal negligent homicide because it's illegal in NY to have a passenger in the back of your truck. The charge carries a possibility of 7 years in prison...so he took a plea deal with the DA and will be sentenced on December 7 for 1 year county jail.

I support his decision to plead guilty and put it behind him...but man it's hard. I've cried a lot about this-it's absolutely devastating for everyone, as you can imagine.

Here's the kicker for me. His sentencing date is on a Friday...the following week is my finals week at school. I feel I could become so emotional it could effect my grades...not enough to make me fail, but enough to drop my gpa. What can you do though, that's life.

But ALSO-On that same day, December 7th, they're having their recognition ceremonies for those of us who are finishing our degree programs this fall semester. It's at 6:00 pm.

So what do I do...watch my poor brother be handcuffed & hauled off to county jail at 11:00 am and then turn around and celebrate the end of my degree program? I have to decide by November 30th...and right now I don't know what I'm going to do.

I feel so close and connected with my classmates-we've been in the same classes together for 2 years. It's a small school, so we've literally shared most of our classes and are genuinely friends with each other. But if I become such a wreck in the morning, I doubt I could keep up a front through my entire dinner. I'll be thinking of my brother, knowing he won't get to see me graduate-and he's been so supportive of me in this. Ugh...it's awful.

If you're still here, I thank you. As you can tell, this bothers me a great deal. I wrote way more than I intended, but I'm not going to delete any of it.

[mabear74]

((((HUGS)))))

Not an easy position to be in, and I don't really have any great advice for you, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you, and I hope things get a little easier....

MaBear

[MommyDee]

Originally Posted by MissyChrissy

I wrote way more than I intended, but I'm not going to delete any of it.

Nor should you sweetie. You know we're here for you.

Do your classmates know what's been happening with your brother? As you said, they're your friends, and they'll understand -- they can help make things easier for you throughout the graduation ceremonies.

There's not much else I can say except to wish you strength.

[mcmama]

You should do what makes you feel good (as good as possible).

You can't really know how you feel until that day. If you are comfortable letting your classmates know, do so. Otherwise, tell them there is a family obligation and you are not sure if you will be available, but you will try.

[purelegance]

Do what you feel most comfortable with, but i think your brother would want you to go to the ceremony. If you're out of it, i'm sure your classmates will understand, like you said you're all genuine friends.

[jkl123]

I agree with what has been posted - do what you feel you can do on that day, but perhaps the support of friends is just what you'll need.

[QueenAngie]

At least now you know the specifics about your brother. I am so sorry that this is how things turned out. At least he will be locally for you to frequently visit. Very sad situation.

And then to have both big things occuring on the same day. Can you even begin to believe that?

Another thing is to consider is your children. They know how hard you have worked to achieve this goal of graduation. Will they want to be there cheering you on that night?

Plan to go to both and on the actual day, if you need to back out of one, or both, that is fine.

We are behind you 100% on which ever decision you make.

We're here for you!

[MissyChrissy]

Thanks everyone, I do appreciate your input.

Ironically, I haven't spoken of my brother's accident at school. It is far enough away from where we live (1 hour) that I doubt it hit their news, and if it did it was a very brief blip on their radar. I haven't spoken of it at school because I can't talk about it without crying...so I don't talk about it with anyone. Often I wake up at night & cry, then I have my husband to comfort me.

Angie, you made a good point about my kids. Not only do they know how hard I've worked, but they have been so supportive of me and really picked up the slack around the house...so much so that when Conner is tired he reaches for Jessica, and not me. But that's another whine post altogether.

I think you're right, I'll accept for now, but if I'm really bad off I just won't go. I just don't want to be a mess & end up having to explain anything to anyone up there & ruin their night. It's not that they wouldn't be empathetic or supportive...it's that I want them to only enjoy their success too.

Thank you everyone.

[MissyChrissy]

Oh, I also wanted to add that my brother has pretty much stopped working now, and has been taking care of Conner for me while I go to school and work. I was having issues with my childcare provider, and his heart wasn't in working any more, so he offered.

I was in the kitchen getting things together & I heard my brother say to Conner, "You shoulda been mine. I want one just like you." It was almost too much for me...my brother NEVER wanted kids. Never.

I know he's not going away forever-but on this side of one year, it sure feels like it.