[Nathan]

Do you think that a child should live at home during college so that the parents can be a more integral role in shaping the college experience, or do you think it is best for the child to live on or near campus to be part of the full college experience? I'm a littly leery of that full college experience. What do you think?

[aromangel]

I think it depends on the child and that each situation is unique. My daughter started college last year and her college is only 45 minutes away, but we opted to let her stay on campus with girls from her volleyball team. She is learning to pay her rent, bills and make choices that normally we make for her. She still consults on major decisions, but yet she has some independence also.

Can I say this experience has made her a more responsible young adult? Hmmmm...

[momof3]

Moving out and living on campus was a wonderful experience for me. It is a great time to learn about being independent and taking care of yourself. Parents can still play a large role through phone calls and email. Who knows - maybe the student will have more communication with parents once he/she moves out since usually high school students are not home a lot and out with friends.

[smk318]

I went to college about 4 hours away from home and lived in an off campus apartment with three other girls. It was a wonderful experience. I was a responsible kid and had been earning and spending my own money since I was old enough to work. So I agree that it definitely depends on the kid. Some are better than others at handling the "independent" thing. The other factor is the expense. If I had gone to college closer to home it would have saved me and my parents a lot of money in living expenses. Rent, utilities, food, gas, it all adds up really quick and it is often difficult for college students to make enough money in a part time job while also setting aside time for studies and fun. In general, I would say that if it is affordable and the kid is responsible, then let them go on their own b/c they need to learn to care for themselves and make "adult" decisions .

[beth]

I think it's ultimately a good experience to move away from home during the college years. It teaches independence, and forces your child to assume adult responsibilities while enjoying the spoils of adult life. If a child is going to get into trouble, I think they will anyway, regardless of whether they're "home or away". You have to beleive that you did a good enough job at bringing them up, so that they will make the right choices most of the time. At the other end of the spectrum are adult children who are still living at home in their thirties, complete with full laundry and cooking service, and who contribute little towards the family unit. These are not adults, just large children still playing at being adults. No - encourage your children to stand on their own feet, so that they can be truly adults to the next generation.

[Jcisco from TEXAS]

You would think that staying at home and going to college close by would help,
keeping cost of housing and such down, but I am finding that it is how your child
was brought up is the best ruler. AND the remark 'bout "are adult children who are still living at home in their thirties, complete with full laundry and cooking service, and who contribute little towards the family unit. These are not adults, just large children still playing at being adults," usually it is a single mom,either by death or choice, at home and can use the "help." Usually (IMO),if there are two parents still at home, the dad usually doesn't stand for this.

[annharth]

I was told by my parents that when I was 18 that I was 'on my own'. They had provided me with a warm, caring home and were continuing to pay for my college tuition but that was it. At this point I thought that it was pretty rough. When I look back now, I understand how much they were doing for me, first, by paying my tuition which was no small feat, and second, by making me make my own way. I know one guy who lives at home in his thirties. Things are easier for him on a daily basis, as far as eating, laundry, etc. he doesn't even pay any rent, but in the long run, he doesn't seem to have the energy or the self-discipline to accomplish too much. Just one person, but maybe it's because he's never really had to work for anything. Survival is a given. It never was that way with me and I am happy that I learned to do without while I experienced a lack of money, job and living on popcorn and spam for a while. Must say, though, I detest spam now.

[jgreene]

I was also on my own by 18. I have mixed feelings about it. Mostly I think it was a good thing, but I'm not sure I was old enough to be cut off without much direction. I think some better guidance from my folks (who divorced when I was 17) would have helped make my independence efforts "smarter." But I am proud of supporting myself, and I agree that folks wait too long to grow up these days. Also, coddling children at home well into their 30s is not going to help them form strong, healthy adult relationships, in my opinion. They may then look for a parent to take care of them rather than an equal partner. (I am speaking from experience here; several men I have dated were in the situation where their moms/grandmoms still did their laundry, etc. They were not ready to take on any kind of provider/parent/husband role.)

[annharth]

If we have lots of people in our society like this, what happens when the generation of carers (moms, dads and grandmas) move on? Do those leaners then learn to cope for themselves or do they simply bumble around with one another? Then again, I suppose the nurturers of the new generation will step in. We're a funny species...

[mcmama]

My son is a junior in college - it is just 45 minutes away from us in New York City. The cost of having him home vs the cost of being there - well the difference financially is not much given the cost of commuting and what he eats! He transferred to this college after going to a school in the NY State University system further away - very unhappy experience because the campus was saturated with drugs and alchohol. The security and student health staff really didn't care, just sat on their unionized butts and made excuses about kids today....So now by his choice and his research he is at a Catholic college in NYC (we are not Catholic) and there is better control over the drug problem. There is also a campus life that does not revolve around drugs. He met a very nice girl and they have been together almost two years. He works there, and he has had opportunities to grow up and take responsibility that he would not have had if he had remained at home.
I miss him, I am a single mom, and I could use the help around here, but I find now that it really gets crowded when he is home, and I prefer to see him doing well on his own. He is much happier now than he was in high school.