[paiget]

As a daughter-in-law, I view my in-laws as visiting too often. I would like to know, on average, how frequently you as grandparents expect to visit your grandchildren or have them visit per year? Also, if you use a web cam, how often do you see your grandchildren on this?
And my last question, would your daughter-in-law visit you with her children without her husband and stay in your home?

I appreciate any responses and feedback.

Thanks,
Paige

[LeanyBean]

Wow. I feel like I can help rather much here.

My in-laws are divorced and they live in separate time zones. My mother in law lives right around the corner (for the time being;we're trying to buy a house about 15 miles away) and my father in law lives in Pennsylvania. We live in Iowa. My father in law is a truck driver and when he's passing through or gets his dispatcher to get him runs closeby he stops and visits. About a half dozen or so times a year. My parents live back in PA as well. I see them once or twice a year depending on when we all can afford to make the road trip. And gas prices being what they are, I'm hoping it doesn't cut out anything this year. We're trying for a July 4th vacation. I think we could all use more visits than we have currently. Of course, when we go back East we normally stay with my parents. Although now that my brother in law has his own place we might sneak a couple of nights up there when we visit as well. If we all had internet service I think we'd use web chats. My mother thinks the 'net is evil. As a daughter in law I can say that I would stay with the kids and without my hubby at my mother in law's place. I'd hope that when the time comes my daughter in laws would feel just as comfortable.

There is no perfect in-law relationship. So if you think they are visiting too often talk to your hubby about it and compare it to how often your parents visit. If things are not near equal on both sides try to work out a schedule or something. Or even *gasp* leave it alone for the sake of your spouse and your children.
As I do not have grandchildren yet I cannot fully answer how often I would expect to see them. It would all depend on the situation, but I would love to see them as often as possible.

[mrmnmom82]

My friend has a MIA that comes to visit 2-4 times a year, and even this is too much for her because of the lack of respect when MIA is in her home. She stays for a week at a time and the children sleep in the same bed with grandma, don't go to bed on time. Grandma doesn't help with dishes or baths or anything. She reads to the kids, but is pretty much stuck to the couch for most of her visits.

So I would say, as long as you are getting a certain measure of respect from Grandparents, let the kids enjoy them. As for phone conversations and things like that, I'd say once a week would be plenty. If they want to come to plays and things, awesome!!! That really helps kids feel special, when grandma and grandpa made a special trip just to see them preform!

The visits should be made around the kids, not vacation/lazy time.

I forgot to add, I have gone and visited without my husband, with the kids. This was for a special occasion, my hubby had to work, and she understood, but we still wanted her to have that visit. It would depend on your relationship with her, and for how long you are comfortable leaving hubby behind. In my situation it was only one night. I don't know if I would personally be comfortable with a whole week, or even weekend, we get along, but lets not push our luck!!!

[mcmama]

I agree with the above. The best grandparent visits are scheduled around kid time, not family down relax vacation time.

I visited my MIL with and without my ex husband. It was not pleasant for either her or me, but it was necessary in order for her to enjoy my oldest son because she was very ill. When it became something that was not in his best interest to do because of her health and other issues, we stopped the visits as a family. He was about 4 then. That was a decision my ex and I made mutually. My son still remembers his last visit (he is now an adult) as something that was extremely scary for him because of her illness and the stress of all the other adults around her.

We used to regularly communicate with her by phone once a week. We also sent pictures back and forth. If your relationship is cordial, you could do this more often, depends on you.

Your husband will need to work with you on setting whatever limits you want in place so that your family is not too stressed or the grandparent enthusiasm does not become interference.

[Samual]

Either our inlaws come here or we go to them nearly every school holiday then they sometimes come here for long weekends during term time, normally staying for a month at christmas and a month in the summer holidays. Mikes and Jamie talk to their grandparents on Franks side a few times a week on the phone when they aren't here, sometimes everday it depends how often they want to talk to their grandparents.

[marylr]

My ds and family live in MD - he is a Navy pilot so he has been transferred a few times. He now lives 800 miles away which is a treat. We try to get together 3-4 times/yr but both sides agree we would like to see each other more often. We took a cruise tog last Nov - together but also free to do separate things - great time. DIL and I have a great relationship which makes things easy. In July we are driving our RV to their house ("the house on wheels" as the grandsons called it when they were younger)
My dd and her family live 3000 miles away so it is much harder. Fortunately, my dh's business trips take him to that area so I tag along. Much easier for us to go there rather than them traveling with little ones. Again, it's never enough. The internet helps as well as phone calls. Grandkids also get packages from us - I'm always on the lookout for things I think the grandkids will enjoy.
Altough we don't see each other as often as everyone would like, we are lucky in that we all get along so the visits are fun and devoid of the issues that others seem to have.