[girl25]

i need advice...recenlty about 4 months ago found out my husband was having an affair with my own sister, (we were living together for just that year). we moved out and all i know is that i wanted her to admit it to her hubby because or i would have told him myself. i forgave my husband and her, but of course i feel like my self-esteem dropped a lot and i sometimes i dont even know what i feel anymore. yes, he does truly regret, i believe him for that, but when a friend asked me if he is there for me emotionally, i didn't know what to say....and i feel like i want to share this with one of my siblings that, but i feel guilty because i dont want my sibling (brother) to treat or look at my hubby or sister differently because i forgave them. we've been married for years now and never had a problem and were told a lot that were the perfect couple cuz we never would fight or argue about anything... i just want to see what ppl would say about this story of mine...

[shawspear]

. . . isn't that just typical! Sure he regrets it after he gets off: "this is wrong, this is wrong" he's thinking all the while it's goin' in. Yeah, right. I believe cheating is a deal breaker. I realize too in some cases the woman stays with the man because it's comfortable for her that way but it irreparably taints the relationship nevertheless. I mean it's always going to be smoldering beneath the surface, and you're going to bring it up when you get sufficiently mad at him right? That's going to stress your marriage and he's going to say, "you always have to bring that up don't you". It's never going to be the same. I know you said you forgive him and your sister but still, it's there and it's going to wear on you: you're going to become especially suspicious of him, paranoid about what he's doing when you're not there, and I suspect harbor some resentment to both of them always.

[girl25]

The thing I don't get is why? Because the first thing I always do is check myself, maybe I wasn't doing something right, but his reply was that I didn't do anything wrong...I wonder is it that I'm not as attractive? I mean, I'm not a super model, but I've never been called ugly and almost anyone says that I supposedly can get anyone I'd want because I'm in shape and good looking, but I look at it as well, look what happened? Looks don't really matter...I have goals and dreams I want to accomplish, like becoming a Physical Therapist and it's not becuase I feel comfortable not to be able to do it on my own...I can...I know I can, it's just that I choose not to just throw away the 5-6 years that truely did come from my heart, I guess I just don't give up that easy...I don't feel very suspicious of him right now, because he knows that I do have all the right to feel that way, but yeah, he knows I won't always trust him just like that. He has earn his trust and that'll take a long, long time and I do have friends that I can just talk about it and I feel good afterwards, it's part of healing, time will tell. And my sister's husband hates mine right now, so I don't know if he'll be able to face him someday...and I don't look at it just because I'm a Christian that I have to stay with my husband either. I'm just looking at it at different views and just feel I need to talk it out and I need to do that alot! I want to share it with one of my brother's, (he doesn't live in the same state), because I can open up to him more then my other siblings, but I feel guilty to give him that information, but then at the same time, I do want to share it with him. It's confusing at times...thank you for replying though, it helps

[shawspear]

. . . Jesus, why don't you ladies give her some encouragement or something. I'm beginning to see I have a slight problem being pessimistic about some things, what I said above. Maybe I need to work on that.

Good for you girl for forgiving him and trying to work it out. I hope he works to please you. But as far as that little back-stabber, well I wouldn't . . . ugh, wait, sorry. Nevermind. Anyway, marriage is really tough and you both need to actively work on learning how to succeed in it. Really have to read, talk to people, practice, and grow wise in it. Both of you should get involved in reading books about relationships and talking about them.

The "why" part seems to bother you. That's an easy part for me: she was convenient, probably attractive and attracted to him, they were together alot, probably got along, talked, played a bit, and both just could flat-out not resist becoming intimate. When sex falls into your lap that way it's just about impossible to resist. Got nothing to do with you or how pretty you are. Works both ways for girls and guys too; you might falter in a similar situation.

And I thought Spencer was being a creep for not letting Heidi's sister stay with them. And look, she was hot too. But no, they made him look like a terd for kicking her out to the street (she didn't go to the street). Now when I think back I think he did the right thing and probably avoided a fiasco.

[letschildproofdotcom]

When you get cheated on, its not your fault. People make their own choices and if he didn't let you know he was having a problem, then it is his fault. I hope things work out between you two, but you should have left him and forgave your sister.

[girl25]

Thanks! Things are going well and I'm trying to be more positive then negative, but stupid things come on your mind and you have like 3 feelings at the same time...wierd, but i guess it's a normal process

[littleKelly]

I was the one who cheated on my husband and shakespear said it right it was just convinent and easy and hand nothing to do with my husband, it went on for over 2 years and no one knew finally i told him and the **** hit the fan so to speak. but ultimatle today we are stronger becouse of it he knows now i have need that need to be met. and i now know i can be the sexual person i want to be with him sometimes i felt like i had to keep sex normal with him not to scare him off and that was why i looked elsewhere becouse i wanted something more kinky. maybe your sister allowed thing you may not ****, doggy something that made her different from you. explore sex an see what he likes. and as long as he comes home to you that says something. for me i havent changes i still cheat from time to time and i tell him and hes ok with it now. i gave him the option of doing the same an hope he does get to.