[Vteg1]

I am new to this site and mainly joined to talk with other women and pregnancy but came across the grief & support part and thought I need this just as much as well.
Where to start (sorry in advance if I ramble on) . . . . my Father passed away unexpectedly on July 25, 2007. I am the baby of the family (30 y/o guess not a baby anymore ) with an older Sister who has 5 kids at home and a Brother who has 2 kids. I met the man I will spend the rest of my life with and am greatful my Father was able to see me happy and knew I would be okay. See I struggled for many years with drugs and alcohol and have been clean 3 years on July 26, 2007. I know my family had always worried about me and my happiness for many many years but they have seen me at my happiest these past 3 years which I have been able to find the real me and can honestly say I finally love.
I'm devastated!!!! My Father was a genuine man who also was my hero. I never in my wildest dreams thought he would not be here the day I get married. I have always dreamed of us dancing and him walking me down that aisle. Sean and I got engaged shortly after my Father passed away because my family thought it was something we needed that and it was going to happen regardless but no reason to wait. That and they wanted me to start my family and to start that part of my life because my Father would want it that way and he was very happy my Mother told me with where my life had come too. Three weeks after we got engaged we found out I am pregnant . Some say their reasons as to why they believe it happened when it did. "lose one great man and gain another" (people are telling me I am having a boy . . . won't know for a few more months).
My Father is missing the most important moments of my life but I KNOW he will always be there with me in my heart and will be on the day I get married and give birth. It is just still very hard to grasp that he is gone. Not a day goes by that I miss him or think about him and am still sometimes in denial that it is all very true.
I try to not get myself too emotional and sometimes hold back because I don't want to stress my body out with the baby but I'm telling you this is so very hard. I feel like I am completely lost ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I miss him and want to hear his voice again and call my name. But I know he is giving me the strength to continue to keep going on the path that I have been.
Thank you for letting me vent . . . . Valerie