[maknow]

I want to thank you all in advance for helping me.

Just a little background:

I'm currently a young 23. My wife is 21 - I'm sure you can already see the trouble. We have a daughter that's 2 and she means the world to me.

My wife... she was more of a convenient date for me when we were younger but I never felt like I loved her the way she deserves. As time goes on I'm less attracted to her. I can't remember the last time we had sex let alone a time when it didn't feel forced. I've been feeling entirely down and out about this situation for a few months now but I don't have the heart to say anything and I just swallow it.

I also feel very put down by her pretty regularly. I am very far ahead in my career for my age and make decent money. Better than twice what my wife makes. I often work at home on nights when my daughter is asleep and on some weekends. My wife also works most nights and doesn't get up with me in the mornings so I'm taking my daughter to day care in the mornings, working all day and then picking her up from school, feeding her, bathing her, playing with her and then working most nights. Maybe 40-50% of the time if she's NOT working at night she'll go spend time with her friends away from home. She'll also take days off of work to go out instead. I went out with friends ONCE about 2 or 3 months ago for 4 hours. She's been out entire nights.

Another thing I've noticed is she has been talking about how cute some boys she works with are or customers that come into her work. She talks about it casually but IF I dare say anything about a girl I will get my balls chopped off I'm pretty sure.

I'm NOT the perfect husband. I'll tell white lies often just so we don't have to argue. I recently borrowed money from her parents without telling her. When we were dating I snuck around and went to lunch with 2 girls in a 2 month time span. That was probably my sign at that time and I should have broke it off. I have been 100% faithful since marriage and there isn't anybody else in my life but I often daydream about being with someone else. I had an actual dream I was with another girl the other night and it's not often I have dreams. When I remember a dream I feel like it might mean something. What is that all about?

I know I need to talk to her but my daughters birthday is this month followed by Christmas (obviously) - I'm willing to grin and bare the relationship a bit longer & our lease for our place is up in March.

I don't hate my wife... I'm just not happy with her and it really sucks. I feel like we're room mates. In fact she's said that exact thing to me about a year ago. I'm sick of feeling unhappy and day dreaming. Obviously the grass is not greener on the other side but I have a nagging suspicion that things COULD be better for both of us.

Is there a way to fix this or are we doomed? How do I talk to her about this and when?

Thank You

[AussieD]

You seem to be implying that your age is part of the problem. Being young doesn't mean a marriage can't work. My husband and I were married young and we've been married over 40 yers and still deeply love each other. What is does need is two people who are working at their marriage together whereas you both seem to be living independent lives and not looking out for and caring for each other. I suggest you need to sit down and talk about your marriage and how you can support each other and look at your attitudes towards marriage and your spouse. Some blogs that might be helpful are http://marriage.families.com/blog/ho...on-to-the-rule
http://marriage.families.com/blog/is...iage-a-balloon

[luvsummer]

I think communication between you two is very important. You need to have a long talk about what you two expect from each other and how you'd like to see things work. You shouldn't have to keep anything from each other. Do you think you love her but are not IN love with her anymore or are you just drifting apart? I also think that the sex is very important too, that is what makes the couple feel that deep connection. It sounds like you are doing more than your share and she needs to let you go out once in a while too, after all it is healthy to get out with friends. Give things time to change don't give up too easily, because you obviously love each other, and there is a child involved.
Good luck , hope this helps! =)