[Madison71]

Hi,
I am posting a question here concerning my marriage because I prefer to get some advice from those who do not know us as well as not sharing any more information about my marriage with my family. My family has planned a vacation at the end of the summer--this includes my parents, sister & her son and my brother, his wife and 4 kids. My husband is not interested in going because he does not like the way my father and brother have treated him in the past. He continously tells me that my father is not being equal with all of his children and instead only cares about his son (which at times I have to agree is true). Having said all of that, I desperately want to go on this vacation with my family because I really miss being with all of them as my husband has allienated me from my family and friends. I spoke with him about it, and he told me that he feels that if I went on this vacation that I am basically "telling" my father and brother that what has happened in the family is ok. He feels that I'm not putting my marriage first and that I need to start worrying about our marriage. I'm so torn and disappointed. My marriage has many issues--lack of love, intimacy, respect and his controlling ways; I really wish I could say that my love for my husband is still so strong but it is not. My love has gotten less and less with each passing month as the things he has said and done have hurt me so much emotionally that I sometimes can't even stand to be around him. I often wonder if I had a stronger marriage that maybe this issue of the vacation wouldn't mean so much to me; however, on the other hand, is it wrong for me to want to go away with my family regardless of the relationship that my father has with my brother? Do I live the rest of my life being upset with my father because he does more or gives more to my brother??? I am really struggling with this as I have spoken to my Pastor and he basically told me that this is who I married and basically to deal with it. I am also in counseling, but have only been 4 times now and not sure if I need to seek out a counselor who deals more with controlling men; as over the years (4 years this month!) my husband has been controlling and also some verbal abuse. I guess the first question I have is about the trip....am I wrong for going? Am I really putting the marriage second and not supporting our marriage??? Also, I'm not sure I agree about with the Pastor that I should stay--but I am looking for advice and maybe some words of wisdom. Thank you so much.