[melyfo]

Sigh. Where do I even begin?

I've been married to my husband for seven and a half years, been dating him for nearly half my life (we started dating at 16). I've always had the sense that my MIL didn't like me, from very early on in my husband's and my relationship. Years ago, she told me that she thought my husband and I spent too much time with MY family and not enough time with HIS (he has one younger brother, I have three older siblings all with kids--so there were a lot more birthdays to get together and celebrate!). We tried over the years to even things out, but it seemed like no matter what we did, it was never good enough for my MIL. Eventually, this culiminated in a fight between the four of us (well, really the three of them while I tried to make peace in the middle). During that time, MIL mocked and insulted my family, mocked and insulted me, insinuated that I treat my husband poorly, that I conspire to spend less time with his family, and on and on. At 24, I lacked the ability to really stick up for myself, and I apologized profusely in order to get the conflict over and behind me.

Six years later, just this past October, things escalated to a whole new level. My h and I had decided to buy a new house. My il's wanted to see it, but we didn't have time the weekend we told them about it to take them over there (we had to get our townhouse in selling order!). So they decided to go on their own to look at it from the outside, but tried the doors when they got there and WENT IN. They called us from inside to ask all sorts of questions about it, but we were blown away. Not only was their being in there illegal, but they also totally disappointed my h who'd hoped to be there to lead them through the first time.

He confronted them. It turned into a HUGE argument. So we went over there to speak with them in person, after working for three weeks with our family counselor on how best to approach this. Not 5 minutes into the conversation, my MIL shoots up out of her seat and points her finger in my face and yells, "And why aren't YOU speaking? These are YOUR words, not HIS!" In the following week, she admitted that she thinks I'm to blame for the fact that she doesn't see her son as often as she wants to, I'm to blame for why he doesn't call her when she's injured (I think she wants a phone call for each hang nail, seriously!), that I've been conspiring to keep him away from them. Little does she know that behind the scenes, I constantly remind him to call his parents, suggest he arrange times for us all to get together, etc. HE makes the choice not to do these things! So she says, "Son, you just need to defend the family..." To which he replied, "Huh now?" She says, "When your wife doesn't want to come over here, you need to stand up to her and--" Wait. WHAT??? And out comes this torrent of beliefs she has that paints me as evil, as conspiring against her, as trying to keep her son from her.

So all this time, all these years, I was pretty much right--the woman DOES hate me, indeed. My h and il's have been seeing a counselor together since December, and I cannot BELIEVE the stuff that's come out of it about what she thinks of me, of my family, of my role in my relationship with my h, etc. Truly, she has such a warped perception of me that I can't see where we can move forward from. And I'm SO ANGRY at this point, I don't really think I want to move forward.

But then, of course, this makes things complicated with holidays, when my h and I have children, etc. I don't really have any desire to be a part of her life. SHe's a sick, sick person with completely warped beliefs and perceptions (not just of me, but of what a family is, what a parent "deserves" from their child, etc. She completely resists my h and I as adults, and she believes SHE and her family should come before me as my h's wife). I don't even know how to go forward...

Seriously--why do people want to make things so complicated? There are fifteen years of hurt she's been bottling up, years and years of reasons she's blended all together to hate me. And at the end of it all, when it all falls apart--what is she left with??

So... there's my rant!