[ThinWhiteDuke]

Yes, I'm asking for real.
Background: we have one child together, moderate income (meaning, no problems, but not rich either), married almost seven years.
We bought a house two years ago, he tore out the kitchen. Says he'll re-install himself, still not done. Sleeps till noon on weekends. Sloppy, does not clean up after himself. I mow the lawn, do gardening, laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking, and the bulk of the child rearing. Garage is so filthy I can't even fit my car in there. basement is a mess. He is a packrat and will not throw anything away, in fact, he picks through the garbage to make sure I am not throwing out 'usable' things. I was recently promoted at work and make nearly what he makes, he has advanced degrees and works at a crummy dead end job where he doesn't have to do much (lazy) but he has no chance for advancement. He has no ambition. We've not had sex in over two years, and the thought of it fills me with revulsion. We attend counseling, and have for the last four years. Seem to be going nowhere. I feel resentment but I guess I want my daughter to have a mother and father family life. I also want to convince myself I love this person. If I loved him once, it has to still be in there, doesn't it? Please I want someone to tell me it's still there.
By the way, husband will also not: buy life insurance because he is paranoid if he does, I will wish he was dead, and he refuses to take depression medication (although his mother has advised me to put wellbutrin in his coffee - I would never, of course, but the woman realizes her son has big problems).
Thank you in advance for your help.

edit: Just wanted to mention that I have tried to clean the basement and garage, this is when the garbage gets picked through and things rescued. Also, to thin out the amount of junk we keep around, I've donated things that are mine, my clothing, kitchen items, etc... things I didn't necessarily want to donate but since he won't let go of anything, something had to go. I am miserable. I guess this sounds like a big 'feel sorry for me' post. I don't want to be resentful, and angry, I want him to either be different (not bloody likely) or for me to be able to accept him the way he is and love him again, to convince myself he is loveable and that I can make this work. He is affection to our daughter, not so towards me (well, not very much, I get a peck on the cheek at most, which is fine). So, there's the whole story.