[twinzplus3]

Originally Posted by pattiewrites

I've had three at various stages and the early ones are just as emotionally painful as the later one, especially when you really want to get pregnant.

I agree. Like someone said, a pregnancy is the expectation of a new baby and regardless of whether or not you're expecting that life for a few weeks or months--it's still hard.
I have miscarried 4 times. I miscarried twice before my oldest daughter was born in the early 2nd trimester. With both my 2nd & 3rd pregnancies, I was pregnant with twins, and then miscarried the twins early in the pregnancy. What was difficult is when people would say things like, "Oh well at least it's o.k. because you're going to have another." I used to think, "No, it's not okay--I wanted both of them."
I admit that my husband and I are blessed (by-the-way we now have 1yo twins), but when you are hoping for a child that you love so much, losing it, at any point, under any circumstances is very sad.
We have always relied on our faith to get through these things.

[blossy]

I had a miscarraige when I was 3 months pregnant in my second pregnancy. I firmly believe that it had nothing to do with my baby at that stage but with the fact that I had been to the dentist about a week or two beforehand and that she had taken some x-rays at the time.
To me it was absolutely heartbreaking and very traumatic. I believe that it was the little girl that I had been dreaming of having. It took me quite some time to come to terms with the loss of my baby. However we did try again for another child about 6 months later and I had a healthy and quite large baby boy whom I treasure.

[Merrymom4]

I've had three miscarriages. Two were late in the first trimester and one was very early. The two later ones were very traumatic, emotionally. I had just found out I was pregnant with the early one and was still very sad, though not quite as traumatized emotionally. However, that early misarriage was extremely traumatic, physically. I had a lot of trouble with heavy bleeding and ended up being rushed to the hospital for a D&C. Maybe the physical stuff just overshadowed the emotional that time.

[Aurora]

I think that losing a baby, especially one that you want, takes an emotional toll no matter when you lose it. I think it was mentioned in a blog here that conception has just as much to do with emotions as a physical process. We concieve of a child, the concept of a little person who is a part of us. And when that child is gone, no matter how long we have had the concept of them in our minds, we lose a little piece of ourselves along with the unknown future of that little being.

[smylynjme]

Originally Posted by Aurora

I think that losing a baby, especially one that you want, takes an emotional toll no matter when you lose it.

Last year, my sister had a miscarriage within the first two months of her pregnancy. It was very upsetting for her because she and my brother-in-law had been trying for so long. He didn't understand why she got depressed in October (that was when the baby was due). It can be just as traumatic, depending on how well the mother can handle the situation.

[QueenAngie]

I am very sorry that you and your wife have lost a baby.
(((Hugs)))
*********************
I believe that, by and large, women handle miscarriages differently then men do.
We ladies are the ones that physically as well as emotionally go through the miscarriage.
I had one early miscarriage, and this was a baby that was loved and longed for. We had tried for several months and I truly grieved for that little one.
We are blessed with two sons. The miscarriage was inbetween them and I always thought it was a girl, my daughter. I do not know for certain, but a woman has those intuitions.
****************
People can say things, however well meaning, that are very hurtful to a woman who has had a miscarriage. This is an excellent site that shares some key points on how to be a good friend or family member to the grieving couple.
http://http://www.navpress.com/EPubs.../1.108.21.html
***********
Words of Support:
This is a lovely poem that I wanted to share.


Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short of time
To be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny, unfinished baby,
Or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me a small glimpse of eternity.

By Susan Erlin

[Merrymom4]

That's a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing it. Even now, nearly eight years after my first loss, it chokes me up. It's something that never really goes away. I have a little pin with three little angels dancing in a circle that I wear every Mother's Day. At our old house I planted a little rosebush in memory of my little ones. Just a couple of years ago I drove by the old place and saw that my bush had been pulled up. I sat in front of the house and sobbed. I was surprised at the emotion! Now, at my new house where I plan to live until the day I die, I have three rose bushes planted in a row. It's amazing the impact a few weeks can have!

[shannon_heslop]

I agree with what has been said so far -- miscarraiges are just plain hard. I've had 3 at around 10-12 weeks each time (after having 2 children). Each one got harder for me. And even after it seemed like I was doing O.K. with dealing with it, sometimes something would happen to stir it up again. I'm happy to say I've had 2 more children since then and that has helped. Time definitely helps too.

Here's some information that I hope helps. PROGESTERONE! After my 3rd miscarraige, I had some tests done, and everything seemed fine. No answers. In an effort to deal with the loss, I went on-line looking for answers and found information about a doctor at Brigham and Women's Hospital back East who is a specialist in high risk pregnancies who has been using progesterone during the first trimester and has had an 80% success rate, even with women who didn't test low in progesterone. Since then, I've heard about several other studies confirming that and found information on medical association websites as well. They know it works, but they don't know why. So I went back to my doctor, who didn't really believe in it but was willing to give me a prescription (she thought it was the placebo effect). It did the trick. And it was no placebo. After I found out about it, I was amazed at the number of people I ran into who had the same problem and found the same solution. I even recommended it to a friend who'd miscarried twice and she went on to have her son. So I hope this helps you in the future. There's plenty of info out there, if you want to check into it. Sorry to hear about your loss..... there may be some answers out there to check into that might help.

[QueenAngie]

Planting rose bushes or a tree in honor of this little one is very endearing and really touches my heart. I had not considered doing that before. That is a lovely idea, Merrymom4!
OP, are you going to plant a rose bush or a tree to honor your little one?

[shazbo]

Originally Posted by blossy

I had a miscarraige when I was 3 months pregnant in my second pregnancy. I firmly believe that it had nothing to do with my baby at that stage but with the fact that I had been to the dentist about a week or two beforehand and that she had taken some x-rays at the time.
To me it was absolutely heartbreaking and very traumatic. I believe that it was the little girl that I had been dreaming of having. It took me quite some time to come to terms with the loss of my baby. However we did try again for another child about 6 months later and I had a healthy and quite large baby boy whom I treasure.

it is common knowledge that you shouldnt really have exrays when you are expecting . didnt you tell your dentist that you were expecting