[etali]

Among my circle of friends it's quite common to play pranks on each other. I went to play a prank on one of my friends, which required me to access his computer. We always do stuff like that, and we're always careful to not touch anything beyond what's needed for the joke we're doing.

The thing is, he had his email open, and I accidentally clicked on one of the mails. I'm not normaly the nosey type, but something in it caught my eye, and then I ended up reading on. He's cheating on his fiance with an ex, and also trying to hook up with random people for sex.

I've been friends with him since, well, forever, but I hardly know his soon to be wife, and I have no idea what to do. On the one hand, I should never have looked in the first place, and it could just be a 'last ditch bit of fun before the commitment', but on the other hand, it's wrong.

Should I find some way to annonymously tell his fiance that he's playing around? Should I confront him about it? Or should I just keep quiet and not say a word?

On the one hand I'd feel terrible going to the wedding and keeping my mouth shut, on the other it's none of my business. I didn't play the prank, and I left his PC the way it was when I went to it, so he has no idea I touched it.

I don't want the woman to get hurt (even though I barely know her), and I don't want him to do something stupid like go through with a wedding for someone he doesn't love enough to be faithful to (I've seen him 'in love' before, and I don't think he loves this girl he's marrying) - but I have no idea how to handle this.

[QueenAngie]

Have to say that you are between a rock and a hard place on this issue.

Is he being unfaithful, or simply exploring the net?

From what I am reading, it is hard for me to determine,
but I'm thinking he is surfing some areas that are very questionable.

What does your heart tell you?
Ignore it or talk to him about it?

Am certain another friend will offer you some other suggestions too.

All the best!

[pattiewrites]

Personally, I would tell, but that is just me. Marriage is a serious commitment and she deserves better than a husband who will ultimately cheat on her, probably after she has a few kids. If he can't be faithful now, how is he going to honor his commitment later? The fact that he is hooking up with an ex and looking for random encounters on the internet is not a good sign. It will be really hard for her to hear, but she needs to know. In your situation, I'd ask myself what I'd want people to do if it were me in that situation. I'd want to know and would really appreciate someone telling me. Another option is to tell him he has a specific amount of time to tell her himself, or you will do it. I could definitely see myself doing that. Good luck with your decision.

[LovingJesusinAZ]

I agree with Pattie. If I were in her shoes I'd want to know now--before we're married and have kids.

It stinks, but now that you know, I think you need to tell her.

[etali]

Thanks for the responses. He is cheating (a girl from years ago has re-appeared, and he's meeting up with her on the days his fiance is working late - the mail I saw was quite explicit - what troubled me most was that it wasn't just 'sex', athough that's bad enough - he seems to actually be emotionally attached to her).

Thanks for the suggestions - I'll be seeing him on Saturday - with everyone else, unfortunately, but I'll try and take him aside and tell him I know what's going on. I have a feeling he'll be livid, but I'd rather give him a chance to do the right thing - if some almost total stranger called me and said my husband was cheating I'm not sure how I'd react, but at least if I talk to him I may be able to reason with him.

All this stress over what was supposed to be a silly practical joke

[mrmnmom82]

I would talk to my friend and encourage him to 'fess up. Just let him know you accidently came across it, you didn't mean to snoop. But if he's really a close friend, you should be able to give him a piece of your mind and take what you're saying as what you really think is the right thing to do.

[etali]

Thanks again for the advice, everyone. I saw him today - luckily there was just me and him out today - not the rest of the 'gang', so we were able to talk. I told him what I'd seen, and he went off it, saying it was none of my business.

I apologised, and pointed out that it was pretty much there on the computer for all to see, and what if 'Darryl' (made up name, but one of our mutual friends) had seen it - Darryl is a hot head and far less discrete - he'd probably have forwarded the email to everyone or something.

He took that as me threatening him. I explained it wasn't meant like that, and I was just giving him the chance to do the right thing, I don't want to see him, or his girlfriend get hurt. They've been looking at houses together - if he buys a house then she catches him cheating, he'd be in big financial trouble! (OK, that's a bit un-romantic, but if nothing else appeals...). I asked him if his ex was aware he was engaged, and what he was thinking long term - eventually he'd have to choose, and either way someone would get hurt.

He ranted at me a bit then stormed off... that went well

I'll leave it a few hours, email him (not sure what to say yet though). I knew he'd be annoyed, but he really was livid. Hopefully he'll calm down and think about things soon.

[LovingJesusinAZ]

I think you did the right thing by going to him first and giving him a chance to 'fess up (as another poster said).

Hopefully he'll "man up" (oh wait, IMO real men don't cheat) and tell his fiancee. If not, somebody needs to tell her.

[DivasMomma]

I definitly think you did the right thing. Your right about it not being your business, which is why I wouldnt have told his gf either. He will thank you in the future for bringing this to just his attention. I would like to have someone like you as a friend--someone who will honestly help me in decisions I make, and someone I can trust to bring things up to me, and just me....good job Your friend will come around

[mrslauren]

Although I do agree with him that it was none of your business, I agree with you in confronting your friend. You knew about something that could destroy his future, and as a friend, you care about him and want to discuss what he is doing - your worried.

Don't be surprised though, if unfortunatley he will pick another route of his life which may or may not involve you anymore. He might stop speaking to you altogether because he is upset with himself, and/or you. He also might be protective of his relationship with his fiancée, and in order to protect that, he might have to cut ties with you being his friend - however you have done the right thing.