[floresazules]

Hi, everyone
So now Im 5 months preagnat and even though I have not pregnancy problems now, I have to deal with a lot of emotions and fustrations. I love my husband very much (he is the love of my life) but I miss my Duagther who lives with her Dad, I wish my Mom was here or a least come to visit for the delivery ( VISA PROBLEMS). Any way my husband family and friends are very sweet and suportive, but even though my Mother in law is a good person, She is always giving me gifts (extra large) and is very hospitable when we visit her, she has a very strong personallity and can be ofensive and make hurtful jokes about me, coments on my weigh or hair, the way I drees etc.., my husband always defends me when he is around and hear those coments, but I dont like been alone with her because she always makes me feel sad and fustrated, and when Im force to go shooping with her or something I always end up with a headache. I dont see her that oftem but when she comes to visit, she also critizise my cleaning and actually she does whetever she wants in my kitchen ,wich I dont mind as long as she dosent try to change things, wich is not the case.
I dont know if is because Im so sentive now, but lately evertyhing she does bothers me, for exemple, we set up our baby registry a couple weeks a ago and them she call and tell us that she did like the colors we pick and that next time she visits, she is comming with us to the store to pick something also, she makes me feel like Im nothing. I had have many discousions with my husband about this and he say I m the one who needs to stand up for my self, he understand me but I know he feels sad and is in a very dificult position. I dont know what to do any more, Im been having headaches almost everyday for the extra stress specially because they comming to visit next week.
I want this to work out and for all of us to be happy, but I dont think she is ever going to change, even my husband tell me that, I dont know waht to do, should I just ignore her, talk to her or what?
Im also afraid ones the baby is born she is going to try to control everything too, I have so much to worry about already, like when will I see my parents again, is my Daughter ok or is the baby is going to be heathly, I dont want her to keep stressing me about things that aren;t important for me, like what color is better or if she like it or not or if the sink is clean in off for her.
Please help! and thanks in advance.

[gaby12]

OK, Stop, take a step back and relax...... Sounds to me like you are in a happy marriage. You are in a happy home.... You need to believe in yourself. Sounds like you have come from a family where this is already established, but you have not established your sense of self yet,, or perhaps you have not yet been exposed to some of the rude problems in our world,,, the last time you need to be introduced to this is while expecting.... So this mother in law person is introducing ideas that are not very healthy to you, your baby, or marriage.... I recommend you separate yourself from this problem. Explain all of this to your husband and empower your him to do this for you. If he will not be a party to it, you simply need to create a barrier for yourself and your baby. This time is for you, and baby.

[QueenAngie]

(((Hugs)))
You must be very excited about your baby coming.

Mother-in-laws can many times mean well, but come acrossed as being domineering.

Even though her opinion is different than your opinion, just remember, you are the wife your DH chose and loves you!

"I'll appreciate your advise and will consider it," tells her how much you appreciate her suggestions....yet it does not mean you'll take the advise.

If your MIL is really obnoxious (I can't really tell here), then it is up to DH to address it with her. Particularly, if you do not feel up to it with the pg.

Wishing you all the best!

[kentucky]

I understand the mother in-law situation. My advise is to have your husband talk to his Mom. Remember that this time is also very exciting for her. Maybe be more specific and try to give your motherinlaw jobs to do for you concerning the new baby. Plus do not be afraid to say what colors you like and stick to it in a nice way. More issues will come up. How to carry the baby? How to feed the baby? Try now to be comfortable in answering to your motherinlaw in away that is nice but keep to your decision. Remember Grandparents are important. They make great baby sitters! You will need her help.

[FatherBlogger]

I am a father of 2 but do not have parent in-laws. However, my mother and my wife are not really in good terms when we started. But now, they are best of friends.

Here is an article that I hope could help somehow.

How to Deal with Difficult Parent In-laws

Dealing with parent in-laws is the most critical problem of newly-married couples. The worst is some marriages were intentionally destroyed by the parents of either or both sides. The suggestions below will somehow help.

Live separately

Actually, married couples should live by themselves even they have kind parent in-laws. But In some countries like the Philippines, most couples live together with their parent in-laws. This is because of the close family ties custom. However, this can be the start of family feud especially when the parent in-laws are difficult to deal with. I am a Filipino, but I decided that my family live separately and far away from our parents. I believe that it is better to be independent.

Be civil

There are times when your parent in-laws will be getting into your nerves, but you should always maintain your composure. Although you might feel that you will fight every time you talk, control yourself. Fighting with your in-laws will definitely create trouble with your spouse. If worst comes to worst, never ask your spouse to choose between you and his parents. This is the worst question you could ask.

Get yourself busy

Most parent in-laws get paranoid when they learn that their child is working hard while the spouse looks like doing nothing useful. That is why you should get yourself busy even if you do not have a job. Cultivate your hobby or make money at home. It can also divert your attention from the issue. Instead of wasting time thinking why your parent in-laws do not like you, discover the things that can make them like you.

Touch their soft spot

Every person has a weakness and if you learn them, it is easier to start a good communication. If your parent in-law will realize that you have something in common, there is a big possibility that the tension will be lesser. Most mother in-laws love to cook while father in-laws love to talk about the current issues and politics. Ask your spouse where to start and prepare for it. You will later realize that they are not really bad people.

Prove yourself

This does not mean you have to challenge them for a debate. You can prove to them though humble ways that their child did not make a mistake in marrying you . Being a good parent to your children and a good spouse are some of them. Share the best that you can give as the better half. If your parent in-laws will know about this, they will have no reason to be hard on you. They will admire you and even support you all the way.

Parent in-laws are people who brought our spouse into this world and we should love them for that.

Article Source: Happy Family Matters

[floresazules]

Thank you all for the great comments and advices. Im feeling much better today! It hepls a lot to share this with all of you and to know that you all take the time to read and reply. I really apreciate this.
Have a wondeful day!

[Possibility_girl]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Your husband should always be on your side, yes it his mother but you are his wife. He is right though, you need to take a stand for yourself, I know you dont want to disrespect her, but you are letting yourself be disrespected. You can find respectful ways to set her straight. "thank you for the help...but...." My mother in law was very difficult as well, you just need to keep your boundaries tight and dont be afraid to say something. She probably will get offended but what she will really be feeling is the fact that someone finnaly stood up to her. I know its your house but mabey you can listen to her "critisizms" as advice, mabey? Say thank you for that information but i like the way i do things.

remember, its only going to get worse once the baby comes. she may tell you how to raise your child, how to dress, when and what to feed.

It is not about changing her, she has that job, its about changing you and how you are with her that will make the difference, good or bad. with someone like that, most likley bad because she knows that she can controll people, but you never know, she may say, wow, she put me in my place.

remember, its not, she does this or she makes me feel that.... its how you can stand up and have the power in the relationship. Some people do just sap your energy when you are with them and you just have to do what you can to keep youself with in your own boundaries.