[ONEDAYATATIME33]

A little over a year ago my adult son left his pregnant wife and 1 year old son to live with a woman from work who had been pursuing him for some time. This woman was a few years older than he, had 2 kids by different men (only one who lived with her), was a smoker, drug taker, not educated & of a different race. He broke his kindhearted & unsuspecting wife's heart. Since then he has been fired from his job, is heavily into debt, been arrested for a motor vehicle violation etc etc. I have given him money & begged him to seek counselling which he has not done. His now ex wife has lost her home & is struggling to keep a good home for my grandchildren. I don't know what to do to help my son become again the good person he used to be. These actions seem to come out of the blue and were not a pattern of how he was before. What is my best approach with him?

[Samual]

The words "& of a different race" says something.

[ONEDAYATATIME33]

Maybe so. But he has hurt his 2 young children by simply walking out. He cheated and left a few weeks before his wife was to deliver. He did alot of lying in the meantime and took money given to him for counselling to take the woman he was cheating with on a fake business trip.

[Samual]

If you want help, please don't be a xenophobe

[ONEDAYATATIME33]

OK but I am really very upset about how he has treated his family and why he didnt try to understand the hurt he caused

[mcmama]

You cannot change him.

Can you reach out to his ex wife and your grandchildren and help support them instead? Sounds like if you get suckered into "fixing" your son, it will cause you more ruin.

You can of course, instead of changing him, tell him in no uncertain terms that you are disgusted with his behavior toward his wife and your grandchildren, and that he is a total schmuck.

He won't listen, but there, you'll have said it!!!!

[Samual]

Also, what is the custody situation with the children? Is he supposed to be paying maintenance? If not help his ex-wife get child support, it seems he may not be willing to pay it, but if he doesn't he will end up in prison, it may give him the sharp shock he needs to realise what hes done. Denial can be a very strong thing for people behaving so shoddilly.