[Beeshel]

Hey everyone, I'm new here. I just needed to talk and vent so here goes. I am a SAHM of a 2 year 8 month old daughter. I love staying home and it was a decision that we both made. My husband is a loan officer and with the real estate slow down we are in big financial trouble. I new money was tight and I have been really careful. I have cut back on all non essential food and sold things so I could go to the thift store and buy summer clothes etc. Two weeks ago he told me that we couldn't pay our rent. I went ino panic mode. I was shaking and crying. I ended up calling my brothers and they gave me the money. I was so ashamed.
So everyone started pressuring me to get a job. So, in panic mode, I researched work from home stuff, freelance writing, and anything else i could do from home, to no avail. So I found a job that I could do from 5:30 to 10:30 at night and it would pay around $1000 a month. He said that's not enough and we'll have to file bankruptcy. I was as though the whole problem was me staying home with our daughter and not his poor money management. He makes really good money, in fact, in January he made $14,000. But now we are so broke that we are forced to make these types of decisions.
I agonized for days about having to leaving my daughter all day to go to work. I just decided I won't do it. I know we'd make more money but I don't care about that. I am willing to make sacrifices so I can raise my own kid.
I caved. He's said for years that his parents would let us move in with them. THey have a big four bedroom house. They are always complaining they don't see us enough, even though they do. I called his Mom and asked to move in. She said yes. Then our landlord told me they'd help us and lower our rent to $100 a month for the next three months and then work with us after that. But things are so tight that we can't even do that. We have to move to get our heafty deposit back to buy food and pay our medical insurance and car payment.
I'm so upset. I've lived here for 8 years. I actually love it here even though it's small. I love my life as a SAHM. Also, his Mom is the meddling type. She's already started questioning my decisions about my daughter and I know I'm going to have to set boundries with her especially. I'm very "mother Hen" with my daughter. I won't be able to deal with her trying to be a second Mom to my kid. I'll freak out. I don't want a shadow, commentary or to discuss how I raise Elise with her. I don't want them feeding her junk food, we are super healthy, vegetarians. I don't want them trying to take her places with them or trying to outdo me or show me how it's done.
I just need some advice from anyone who's ever done this. It's going to be for one year. I'm going to do the Total Money Makeover. We're going to pay off all our debt and save for emergencies and a down payment. I'm also going back to school for a teaching credential. I already have a B Degree. I don't leave my daughter. In the last 2 1/2 years we've only been apart maybe 4 times for no more than three hours. So this is going to be a HUGE change. I feel like my life is being dismantled. I keep crying and hoping he'll just sell a loan and we won't have to move. But I know if we do this it will help us financially. Any advice please. Thanks....

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Beeshal!

When it rains, it pours. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, things don't go well.

Is your rent -$100 reasonable? Could you stay where you are right now?

How about you working the evening hours and DH can parent the children?
Or you could work Sat/Sun 12* each day and DH could parent the children?

What about selling items on Ebay?

You say that you are a good shopper at thrift stores,
continue doing that and selling extra good deals you are able to find.

A local lady here shops thrift stores & garage sales
for plus size adult clothing. They just ran a newspaper article on her. She is one of the
main power sellers on Ebay.

How about selling your extra car/boat/motorcycle?

Selling your jewelry?

How about packing lunch for DH & his snacks too for work.

Babysitting? There will be lots of children off school this summer that need watching and you say you are really good with children.

What a Blessing that your in-laws are willing to have you move there.
But reading on, I sense there will be many problems in your moving in with them.

No solutions for you, just offering support!

Let us know what you decide to do!

(((Hugs)))

[jskinner1981]

Originally Posted by Beeshel

Hey everyone, I'm new here. I just needed to talk and vent so here goes. I am a SAHM of a 2 year 8 month old daughter. I love staying home and it was a decision that we both made. My husband is a loan officer and with the real estate slow down we are in big financial trouble. I new money was tight and I have been really careful. I have cut back on all non essential food and sold things so I could go to the thift store and buy summer clothes etc. Two weeks ago he told me that we couldn't pay our rent. I went ino panic mode. I was shaking and crying. I ended up calling my brothers and they gave me the money. I was so ashamed.
So everyone started pressuring me to get a job. So, in panic mode, I researched work from home stuff, freelance writing, and anything else i could do from home, to no avail. So I found a job that I could do from 5:30 to 10:30 at night and it would pay around $1000 a month. He said that's not enough and we'll have to file bankruptcy. I was as though the whole problem was me staying home with our daughter and not his poor money management. He makes really good money, in fact, in January he made $14,000. But now we are so broke that we are forced to make these types of decisions.
I agonized for days about having to leaving my daughter all day to go to work. I just decided I won't do it. I know we'd make more money but I don't care about that. I am willing to make sacrifices so I can raise my own kid.
I caved. He's said for years that his parents would let us move in with them. THey have a big four bedroom house. They are always complaining they don't see us enough, even though they do. I called his Mom and asked to move in. She said yes. Then our landlord told me they'd help us and lower our rent to $100 a month for the next three months and then work with us after that. But things are so tight that we can't even do that. We have to move to get our heafty deposit back to buy food and pay our medical insurance and car payment.
I'm so upset. I've lived here for 8 years. I actually love it here even though it's small. I love my life as a SAHM. Also, his Mom is the meddling type. She's already started questioning my decisions about my daughter and I know I'm going to have to set boundries with her especially. I'm very "mother Hen" with my daughter. I won't be able to deal with her trying to be a second Mom to my kid. I'll freak out. I don't want a shadow, commentary or to discuss how I raise Elise with her. I don't want them feeding her junk food, we are super healthy, vegetarians. I don't want them trying to take her places with them or trying to outdo me or show me how it's done.
I just need some advice from anyone who's ever done this. It's going to be for one year. I'm going to do the Total Money Makeover. We're going to pay off all our debt and save for emergencies and a down payment. I'm also going back to school for a teaching credential. I already have a B Degree. I don't leave my daughter. In the last 2 1/2 years we've only been apart maybe 4 times for no more than three hours. So this is going to be a HUGE change. I feel like my life is being dismantled. I keep crying and hoping he'll just sell a loan and we won't have to move. But I know if we do this it will help us financially. Any advice please. Thanks....

I am totally feeling you i live with my father with my two children 4 and 6 years old and my husband. My husband has been in school for the last 5 years we have only been together for 6, he has worked full time for about 3 years of our marriage the rest of the time he has spent going to school full time. We have lived out of our means a lot of the time and have filed a bankruptcy in the past and we are in just as much debt now as we were then. I definetly know that the problems we have financially are because we spent every dime like there was no tommorrow. I have tried to stay home with my kids as much as possible but had to take part time jobs here and there. You are going to need to seperate yourself from your daughter or you are going to have major problems in the future. Your child needs as much freedom from you as you need from them. You may not realize this but your child needs a break from you.

You should definetly have a discussion with your husband about the finances if you are going to file bankruptcy you need to sell as much of the things that you can not afford before you do this. When you file for a bankruptcy they will take everything you have nowadays. You need to also discuss with your husband how you were able to go through $14,000 since January so quickly. That is a lot of money. You definetly need to find out how $1000 will not be enough for you if you are only paying $100.00 a month for rent. It seems to me that there is definetly something wrong there.

You will survive living with your in-laws, the only way they can take away from your parenting is if you let them. Stay strong in your believes and values and always and polietly remind them of these things when something happens.

I don't know how i have survived living with my father in a 3 bedroom one and half bath condo with my family but some how it has happened. sometimes i feel as if he makes me feel inadequate as a parent and sometimes i am, but i count my blessings that my children are clothed, happy, fed and have a roof over their head and thats enough. And if i disagree with something he is doing i either polietly inform him i don't like it or i bite my tounge. You'll make it just hang in there.

Also I think you should go ahead and take a part-time job in the evenings and still stay home with your child. Your husband can go get a second job during the day if necessary, but i don't think you need to sacrafice being home during the day with your child, but i do still think you need to get away from your child more, because we all need the break and you will realize it when you get one.

Hope this helps a little

[MissyChrissy]

You're in an incredible pickle, that's for sure. It looks like you have a choice to make-not a choice you necessarily like, but you can do one of two things. Live with the in-laws & constantly battle them about parenting...or take that leap & find work outside the home.

I agree too that some money re-management needs to be done. How can someone not afford to live on their own if the rent is only $100? Can you ditch the car? File bankrupt & let it go...get a beater to drive around in. I think they allow 2500 or so for that. You can get something on Ebay for $2500.

I also second the buying at yard sales & selling on Ebay. And auctions too. I did that & was able to make anywhere between 500-1500 per month. It depended on how much yard sailing I was willing to do

Many, many, many mothers would prefer to stay home with their children. This is the price of woman's lib...now we all get to work, whether we like it or not Trust me, it's not as bad as you might think. I've done both-and I can honestly say my children were none the worse for wear by me going to work full time at one point. You do what you have to do to get what you want out of life.

You can always be a stay at home mom again in the future if things sort themselves back out.

[sarahwrate]

I am in the EXACT same situation only I have 16 month old and a 4 1/2 year old whom we homeschool. We were doing fine until gas prices and cost of living sky rocketed. Now we are going to move in with my husband's parents. My mother keeps giving me hints that I (a licensed vocational nurse) should start working outside the home so that we don't have to move in with my in laws (who, btw, are very happy we're moving in).
Even though I could go back to work and make the money we need to live on our own, I have to ask myself "At what cost??" I have a wonderful marriage and I am able to give 110% of myself to my kids and my husband. If I started working everything would change for my family.
So what's more important? Having money or raising my kids myself instead of strangers doing it for me? What's more important? Having money or having a happy marriage instead of just being two ships passing in the night?
Everyone measures success in dollar signs and I just think thats wrong. Success is raising emotionially secure, healthy, happy children!
I was freaking out when we sat down and realized that we weren't able to make it anymore and that we were going to have to move in with his parents... but now I realize it's a sacrifice we (my supportive husband and I) are going to have to make. We're going to take this time to pay off credit cards and student loans so that we will be able to make it the next time around.
Set your boundries with you mom-in-law and make sure that your husband's there to back you up.
Hope everything works out!

[GGPa]

Sarah, You said something very important, and I want to draw attention to it:

Originally Posted by sarahwrate

Even though I could go back to work and make the money we need to live on our own, I have to ask myself "At what cost??" I have a wonderful marriage and I am able to give 110% of myself to my kids and my husband. If I started working everything would change for my family.

You see that the sacrifices of frugal living are nothing compared with the sacrifices you and your family would make without you.

Kudos!

Hang in there!

--GGPa

[matlee123]

You poor thing. I hope things have improved for you. I spent 1 1/2 years with my husband's family and it nearly destroyed me, my marriage, and my children.
I went to work at odd hours to stay home with my kids. I had to take it on full time because my husband wouldn't leave mommy. So I found a rental, paid the deposit, made arrangements with the movers and told him he could come if he felt like it. He did.
The damage in the relationship with my kids has taken years to work through. We continued to use the convenience of Grandma to watch the kids which eventually turned into after school care and summer care. The poor kiddos didn't know who to obey because Grandma contradicted everything I said.
I have endured verbal abuse from his family about what a terrible mother I am, but let it slide to keep the peace. Well it didn't keep the peace, it just made them completely lose all respect for me.
It all came to a head last week in a big family fight. I had to cut his family out of any and all care of our kids. Hubby agreed with me and the kids are happier now that we are parenting them instead of tug of wars with his family.
Now Grandma can be Grandma and I have my family back.
If you are still living with his folks, I would highly recommend finding a way out. Good Luck.

[markgiterdone]

Hello, I am a 41 year old male that had the same problems, lost house, credit ect. I decided to move in with my wifes parents and well the issues with my 5 year old son played a big roll. Lets just say I lost to my inlaws and my wifes mother talked her into throwing me out and filing for divorce. Ten years of marriage flushed because of a co-dependant relationship with her mom.... NEVER TRUST INLAWS. I have not seen my son in 8 months, no communication.Her parents even went to the extreme of making death threats to keep me away from my son and there daughter. A year later and the divorce is still going on. I have tried everything to reconcile but no luck. Live in your car before you decide to live with in-laws.

[Greenkiwi]

Ok, how in the world can your husband make 14,000 in Jan and your family be having so many financial issues?? Where is the money going? I am a SAHM as well, my husband doesn't even make that much in a year and we aren't as bad off as you say that you are. However, our in-laws sound a lot alike and I will tell you now that it will be a BIG MISTAKE to move in with them. My mom in law wanted us to move in with her, she wanted us to get rid of all our pets and she even wanted to control our finances and saving! I don't think so, we don't get along for anything and I'm telling you now, do NOT move in with them. You don't want to find out the hard way. How in the world could you making 1,000 a month not make a difference? I'm sorry, but none of this makes any sense to me. JMHO

[letschildproofdotcom]

If you don't have a choice then go for it, but it might cause problems in your relationship. Families tend to try to come before the husband/wife bf/gf relationship.