[happyfamily08]

My nice came to live with me almost three months ago. She had been mistreated by another family member, which led to her living with me and my family. Well she started at a new school here and she had met some friends and came home one day and said a boy in her class liked her and asked her to go out with him. Then she had talked to me about him and he seemed to be a nice guy. So they began dating and I noticed that my niece wanted to spend more time with him and started going to the same Church as him. I talked to my niece and told her that she is getting to the point where she is taking it too far and so they broke up assumely. I had picked up her Bible and noticed some papers in it so I looked at them and seen that she wrote a letter to her ex-boyfriend and come to find out she never broke up with him, and she was lying to me for the past month about it and also another letter was enclosed and she had written to a girl from school stating that if she wanted to date the boy again and I woulndn't find out. I felt that she lied to me and should of been honest with me, I took her in to live with my family and they she goes and lies to me and continued to date the guy and never brought herself to telling me the truth. I was so mad and we sat down and talked about alot of things. My niece was diagnosed with Mental Retardation years ago, she has a reading level of a 4th grader and is in Special Education. She is struggling with her homework daily because she cannot understand the textbook or work assigned to her, I usually the one to do the homework for her. She is 18 and she does not have much knowledge of how to manage money and other thing, therefore I am her payee which she receive's SSI for her disability. Just the other day I was shocked, that she came out and told me that her and the guy supposely broke up with, had sex at school on thier lunch break. She told me they went behind some bush on the school grounds and had intercourse two days in roll. I was so disturbed by what she had told me and I asked if he used protection and she informed me that the guy didn't. I told her don't she know the consequences of getting pregnant while in high school and that I do not want her to have any relationship with the guy so she called him. Then top that off, she told me another guy liked her at school but hes 19 has a job and graduates this year, I had said to my niece she needs to slow down and that she moves too fast with guys. So I had made things clear to her that she is not allowed to have a boyfriend or date as long as she is living with me that her Education is important than going behind a bush to have intercourse with a guy. She feels guilty for what she has done and she made a promise never to lie or disrespect me again that I did not deserve to be treated in that way. We had gotten a pregnancy test and it came out negative but I want to test her again in two weeks to make sure she is not pregnant. The first day my niece had sex with the guy, she had gotten off her menustration that day, then the next day they had done the same thing again. So what I need to know is there a possible chance she can be pregnant, after the text came out negative? I need some help here ladies. I am a stepmother and I have no children of my own, I am 46 and was not able to have any kids so I appreciate some advice and information here thanks.

[2flowers4us]

My suggestion would be to put her on birth control. You can't watch her every minute of every day.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Ditto

And if she is mentally delayed to the point she is "A little kid in a big body" I would talk to the school...these guys may be taking advantage of her and this may be one way to get them to back off...esp if they know you will press charges against them...which you can esp if she is "Mental Retarded" as you say.

Are you her Guardian BTW? If so because of her disability you do have a say in getting her on birth control...I suggest something other then pills...that way she won't forget to take them. Also take her to the doc, have her tested for PG and STD's you never know what this other kids has/had.

I also want to say that your not helping her by doing her homework for her. Please work with the school to get a program in place for her. She will flourish once she knows she "CAN do it" by herself.

[mrslauren]

You have to think of your niece as if she is your own child. She needs help and guidance along the way in her life, someone to show her that no her family will not give up on her - and will be there for her no matter what.

It seems like she needs guidance when it comes to sex, now although I'm sure it will be hard, you need to be patient and discuss with her love, emotions and the feelings that come with having a mature relationship. Are you divorced, or are your married to her uncle still? If you are still in the relationship, you need to tell your husband how important it is for her to have a male figure as well. Because she is really her first contact with the male role in her life...he needs to show her compassion, and how a woman needs to be respected.

I wish you the best of luck.

[mrslauren]

Also, a school for the "Mentally Disabled" will help her progress properly, and will help challange her in ways to become an adult at the pace she needs to learn.

Im not sure what type of school she is in now, but its never too late to enroll a child with challanges into the proper schooling.

[mcmama]

I'm with lessly - if it is possible for her to go and have sex with another student for two days in a row behind the bushes or whatever while on school property, someone at school is not doing their job. "Special ed" sometimes means "warehouse" where mentally disabled students are kept apart from the general population but not given a lot of support.

Is there an association for parents of children in special education in your state that advocates for the kids and pesters the schools into doing right by them? If you lived in NJ, you'd probably have a case for a lawsuit.

[smithc15]

special education students are not always in self contained. more schools are using inclusion these days in every instance possible to avoid lawsuits. under IDEA, schools are supposed to place students in the most least restrictive enviornment they can with as little or as many supports needed to help the child reach their fullest potential.
your niece, i'm sure, is getting taken advantage of. i assume she is in school til the age of 21, if she is wanting to be. the guys she has been with at the school are probably only seeing that they can get her to put out because she doesn't any better. most mentally disabled students with a reading level of a 4th grader, that puts their mind capabilities and iq lower than that of the average person. therefore her sense of logic is not as well defined as yours, mine, or the people of this website. she only knows what she has done has hurt you but she can't grasp what it was about her behavior exactly.

[SueR]

Get her on the pill. Tell her to be selective and find a better place to do it than behind a bush. But she is 18, she has as much of a right to sexual pleasure as anyone else does.

[jadis]

Ditto to getting her on birth control.

I also don't agree with the "sex is bad don't do it" mentality. Even if she is saying that she will stop, by making it forbidden you are making it more appealing and "adult". Though she may be developmentally delayed, she is still an adult, and in the future is capable of being in a loving relationship. However, she needs to be taught about love, and what it means. What she knows now is that sex feels good, and boys will pay attention to her if she gives it to them. She needs to be taught to respect her body, and that sex IS good, but it isn't something that should be just given out. That she needs to wait until she is with a guy who TRULY loves her, and what that will mean. You may think that she doesn't have the mental capacity to know what this means, but she does. Hell, it even takes some non-mentally delayed 18 year olds awhile to figure this out.

[QueenAngie]

Did she get on BC? I am hoping so for her sake.

Have to agree with Jadis about sharing how important
it is for your niece
to find the young man that loves her
and to respect her.

Condoms would also be a good idea to protect against STDS.

Wishing you all the best with this dear niece!