[ljb]

It is a complete frustration thing, I know. But I need help dealing with this. DS is almost 22 months old. He has been hitting me for months - maybe 5 or 6 months... I have never found it acceptable, and would immediately remove him from the situation (ie: ME) or try distracting him but that doesn't seem to help much. I tell him 'no hitting' and put his arms at his side. Lately, I have been giving him time-outs - which seem to work about 30% of the time. You can tell ahead of time from the look of anger in his eye whether it will work. Sometimes the threat of the time-out is enough. And sometimes, it just makes him more frustrated and causes him to hit me more.

He will cross a room just to hit me. And won't stop trying until he makes contact.

After the time-outs, I try to explain to him that hitting hurts and it hurts mommy and makes mommy really sad. Then I ask if he is going to hit me again. He usually says no... (lil liar! )
I know why he is frustrated. He can't always communicate with me and has trouble telling me what he wants. When he doesn't get what he wants, he blames me and takes it out on me. And as far as he is concerned, all too often, I tell him NO.

I need advice on how to get him to stop! I believe this is something that he will outgrow as he can more effectively communicate. But in the meantime, do I just have to deal or is there something else I can do?
Any moms out there with experience with a hitter??

Oh yeah, these hits are open hand slaps, not real hits.

[DK615617]

Oh, I am sorry. That sounds like a tough situation. I don't really have any new advice. It sounds like you are doing the right thing.
Maybe now that this is bumped to the top someone else will add something.
Good luck

[QueenAngie]

Sounds like you are doing all the correct things:
time outs,
re-directing his activity,
telling him that hitting hurts.

Hitting is not acceptable behavior in our home either...no matter what age.

Can you use another word other than "No?"

"We will do that another time."
"Maybe tomorrow."
"We need to think about this."

Swatting him ....after hitting you....simply means you are bigger and can swat harder than he does.

Any other ideas, friends?

[twinzplus3]

You might be interested in reading these:

3 Parenting Mistakes to Avoid with Your Toddler

How Young Is Too Young For Discipline? HTH

[ljb]

Val,
Thank you. Your articles did help point out some of the things I have done wrong. I love the concept of an appropriate response - where the punishment fits the crime. But what type of punishment fits the crime of hitting? Maybe there is none. Newton's Law doesn't seem to fit here... I have been unable to find and equal but opposite reaction to his actions. TOs seem to work sometimes albeit rarely. Maybe I just need to ramp up and make sure we are consistent with the TOs

I did read some of your other links articles as well. One thing that I don't do is put him in a specific naughty corner or similar. I will start that immediately. My Aunt used to have an 'appropriate chair' - DH and I have always loved that concept but have yet to institute it.

[twinzplus3]

No--there's not an entirely appropriate punishment for hitting that exactly fits the crime. With our son--who was our only hitter--we strapped him in the stroller. I'm not sure if that's an option. . .for us it seemed to be that he only hit outside and therefore it kind of made sense.

I think if you can head stuff off. . .that helps. For example, a more rigid routine (and believe me, I'm not a routine person) might help. I've found for a few of my toddlers, they NEEDED snack time at certain times every single day regardless of what we're going and/or nap time was the same way.

When my toddlers say "No" or 'order' me to do something, I simply state over and over and over--that's not an acceptable way to speak to mommy and you have to say it this way. Maybe that might work for you? "Mommy doesn't respond to that kind of behavior therefore when you stop, I can listen to you?" But I really think the big key is consistently giving the consequence that says, "This is not okay and you simply need to stop." I think a lot of times, we tend to second guess ourselves and think, "oh no, this isn't working." But it will. Some kids are much stronger willed than others and some kids need more repitition.

But we definitely have our bad days too. I'm as much writing about my own mistakes as well as what I see others do.

[Beaglesfly]

I've heard that teaching your children to sign (sign language) some simple desires that they may have (tired, hungry, want something) can relieve the frustration they feel at not being able to verbalize what they want.

Never did it myself, but I'm sure you could find instruction for it on the net. Maybe it doesn't take too long to show a child how to sign a few basic desires that they have....guess it would depend if they are at the right age.