[adoptee1968]

Hi, my name is simon, in 2000, around xmas time I decided to go through with this, after humming and harring for years.The first step was sending my details together with a cheque, to the office of national statistics (I'm in England), who have a register of all birth parents who have put their names on there, my relatives hadn't.
What they did do though was give my details to the social services (you have to go through them here, if you were born before '75).
Then in march 2001, I got a letter inviting me to an appointment with a social worker, I went along, and she told me my mothers' first name, which was 'Gay', I already knew some details, like surname, where I was born, she had two brothers, her father was a painter and decorater,but just getting that info was really powerful.
A month later I went back, and she gave me the birth records, they had her address on there, and where the mother and baby home was too.and my fathers details too.
The next thing I did was go to where her old house was, I was really nervous, and felt like I was spying on her, but also I felt closer to her and her world, closer to my other life, When I did see the house, I felt the nerves go.
A couple of months later I went up to the mother and baby house, or the house where it had been anyway, same story, I felt great when I had seen it.
Another reason I went up to these places was that I knew it might be the closest I would get to meeting her, or having any sort of contact at all.
I always kept in mind the fact that it may not happen.I went to the records office in london, and spent a day looking for as much stuff as I could find, I found I had two half sisters,too.
Then I told my social worker that I wanted to write to her, and in july of that year I did. My social worker then did a covering note with it and sent it.....
After two nerve wracking weeks, I got a reply, I was blown away!
She wrote me a letter and sent a photo too, of us when she was in the mother and baby home. it was amazing.
the reason she had not been in touch before was that she hadn't told her daughters, my social worker had told me that she didn't want to contact me for that reason, and the way she said it , i thought that was it.
we wrote letters at first and then she phoned me, a month later,we chatted for 10 minutes, the next day I called her, and we talked for 2 hours, and we did that every week for about 2 yrs.
after that first phone call about 3 weeks later we met up and spent 9 hours together, one saturday.
a month later she came down to see me. and met my mother (adoptive)which went well, a month after that I went up to see her again, and to meet my sisters.I was really nervous about this, but it went well.
Also we went round to meet my grandad, and my uncle and cousin were also there, it was quite a day!!
for the first year i was on a high, we don't speak as often on the phone now, and we have met a few times over the last few years, and at one stage , after her husband died, and a relationship i was in was ending, i went up there, i shouldn't have done, it was all wrong, i found it very difficult,it spoilt things abit, and put me off going up there for a while, i didn't phone as much after that
but last weekend, i went up there and had a wonderful time with them, it was comfortable, there was no nervousness, or awkwardness.
Also I contacted my father,a year after my mother, that was in 2002, and we meet up every 3 months, have a meal, go for a walk, and then he drops me off at the ferry port (he lives on the Isle of Wight), we have a totally different relationship, to the one i have with my mother, it's more like we're friends,we rarely talk about anything really sensitive.
we're both really quiet, (so is my mother), so that's part of the reason it's taken quite a long time to get really comfortable with one another.
A couple of years ago he told his brother and his wife about me, they were flabbergasted! they couldn't believe that he'd not told them before.
So i met them a couple of times, we speak a couple of times a year,i also have a cousin, who is a couple of years older than me(i'm 39).
This is all mindblowing stuff, but being human i take it for granted sometimes, but occasionally i get out that photo that Gay sent me originally,and i well up and the tears of gratitude come, they're coming now.
I felt as if i was between two camps for quite a long time,and i would get a real wrenching feeling when they were taking me home, not wanting to leave them, but before hand i'd be anxious, and feel abit indifferent to going there, this seems to have gone now, part of the process i suppose.
I certainly has changed me i always had a 'special and different' thing before, which has mostly gone now. I no longer fear rejection from significant others, which i did before, because i would get overly attached to people, i don't anymore.
Also i always felt sad for the girl she when she gave me up (20), and wondered if she was out there feeling sad about it, and thought it would be nice to help her too.
I really needed to do it, as i was brought up in a family with a brother and sister who are twins, and my parents, so it felt like there were two couples, and me , who had special relationships that i wasn't and could never be part of, it was no ones fault, just the way life goes. Althoughi always felt that it wasn't fair that i couldn't see her until i was 18,i was angry and scared and frustrated about this.
I feel more whole now, know where i come from, it's great when they say you've got uncle toms appetite. or uncle peter's chin,etc.
It's getting better, it's a learning curve for us all, I am always very careful that i never say anything to any of them that i couldn't say to all of them, and try to give them gifts of equal value, stuff like that.
My adoptive mother was abit insecure about it I think, she'd never admit it though, but our relationship is better these days, and I've told her that things beteen us will never change.My father died 10 years ago, but I know he would not have had a problem with it, he did ask me once if I had contacted them.
This is the first time I have been on a site like this, after having enjoyed last weekend with them, I felt like I really wanted to share it with other people, other than the ones I have already told.
After reading some horror stories and hearing about someone elses experience of a bad reunion, I thank my lucky stars.
So I hope this is of interest to someone out there, to all those still in the early stages, or still looking, My heart goes out to you, all the best!