[lavatea]

My three year old will not obey me. It is especially bad at nap times. I put her in her room and she will not nap. I know that I can't make her nap, but I can't even make her stay in her bed. I'm trying very hard to use methods of discipline besides spanking (not that spankings work with her anyway), but I'm having a hard time thinking of appropriate discipline for not staying in her bed. Time-out seems silly for a nap time violation, for example. If we try quiet time in her room instead of nap time, she just destroys her room - which I then can not get her to clean up. Unless we stand over her and point out every toy individually, she will not pick up. I've tried taking away Blankey, which made her cry, but it did not influence her behavior. What can I do??

By the way, this behavior has gone on for quite a while now - way before brother came home from the hospital.

[lavatea]

While I was posting this, she dumped her glass of milk into the fish tank. This is the third time she's dumped milk into the tank and probably the 6th or 7th that she's put something in there (toys, milk, towels, etc). She gets into trouble every time for messing with the tank. I put her in time out or give her a stern talk; her daddy spanks her. Nothing gets through! I've put her in time out right now, but I'd better go check on her. Lord knows what she's doing...

[MissyChrissy]

imo, she needs consistency. The manner of discipline cannot change from day to day...it has to be the same. And every time an unwanted behavior occurs, that same punishment must be dealt out.

Also-I don't know any 3-year-old who will sit just because they're told to. You have to stay there & make sure she sits. I would watch my children directly when they were that age, and if they tried getting up, I was there to take them by the arm & steer them back where they belonged.

I also used to say "look at me" in a stern voice, and explain at an age-appropriate level why she was in trouble, and what I expected of her. I'd kneel at her level and look at her right in the eye.

If you put a 3-year-old in time out, the second your back is turned she's going to run around. It's what they do...you have to be in "time out" with her, I'm afraid.

The good news---it gets easier. Once she fully understands what's expected, and she develops a little more...the time out gets easier.

[twinzplus3]

I completely agree with Missy Chrissy. Consistency is key. I really try to make the punishment fit the crime. I've talked before in blogs how the punishment for one of t/2yo throwing a temper tantrum in public is getting strapped in the stroller. They have now learned, at 2 1/2, that if they want to walk, they will hold hands with me or an older sibling and they will walk where I tell them to walk and not all over the place. (Being tired of course, is different--but they like to walk.)

I also am not sure why time out is silly for a nap time violation. It's not 'a nap time issue' you're disciplining, it's an obedience issue you're dealing with. If she disobeys, after the first time you tell her, there needs to be a consequence. Some parents think that it's harsh not to give any warnings but I offer this: if you tell her to pick up her toys three times and then dole out a consequence, what you're teaching her is that she doesn't have to obey you until the third time.

Thoughts on messes: I make my kids clean up any and all messes they make. If they won't, then they must pay me to do it. I will not do it for free. My older kids have point charts that they can use to either get allowance or t.v. and computer time, but she's probably a little young for that. So perhaps she can pay you with one of her nice toys.

But I think one key is not to get exasperated after the first try. Like pp said, if you put her in time out, you need to make sure she stays there. You get time out too. But always, you need to think about communicating that you mean what you say when you say it. And the way you teach them that is by doling out consquences each time there's an issue of disobedience.

And btw, I still wouldn't rule out the new baby. You had a rough pg w/ bedrest at the end no? But that doesn't mean that you don't discipline. Just make sure that you offer extra time alone with her etc.

[MiaCamille]

I agree with consistency also, you know maybe she's done with naps, my second child (dd) stopped napping when she was real young around 2, she just didn't need it anymore. They all go through a period that is harder, i know it's hard but you need to repeat and repeat don't give up cause if you do you're done...

[QueenAngie]

Things do change in the household when a baby is added.
Am certain she had your full, undivided attention before the baby came.
And now the new baby needs a lot of attention.

Obviously, when she puts something in the aquarium, she gets your attention. Either put the aquarium up higher that she cannot get to, or lock the door that it is in, so she can't go in there.

For a while, she needs you to keep an eye on her constantly. In the same room. If she is quiet in another room, she is up to something.
So, keep her with you all day long.

If you want her to stay in time-out, sit right beside her while she is in the naughty chair. Set the timer for 2 - 3 minutes. Then, allow her to get up. Make her say she is sorry for ______.

At naptime, bring a rocker chair into her room while you have the baby, she sits on her bed. Again, you are with her and making certain she is doing at least quiet time. Be consistent.

It is tough having two, but you're a good Mom and it will all even out in the weeks to come.

[lavatea]

Thanks for all of the ideas! I do need to work on my consistency. I guess it's back to time out for me, too. That's ok. I really like the idea of holding the baby in the same room as Amelie is napping. That way I can keep an eye on her.

I wish she was done with naps, but unfortunately she is a monster when she misses one.

[MiaCamille]

Originally Posted by lavatea

Thanks for all of the ideas! I do need to work on my consistency. I guess it's back to time out for me, too. That's ok. I really like the idea of holding the baby in the same room as Amelie is napping. That way I can keep an eye on her.

I wish she was done with naps, but unfortunately she is a monster when she misses one.

Some kids need them more than others and that's ok i like the idea of rocking the baby in the same room too

[MummyG]

It must be something in the name...our Amélie is hard work too. I totally sympathise with you. I have tried focusing more attention on her and offering rewards. This works but is hard work to keep up when you have another child around. We are still struggling with bedtimes.