[JeanLynn81]

I am so ready to cancel Alyssa's birthday party, and she doesn't deserve it. Well, more like postpone it until I can find another house to have it at, and save some more money for it.

I have already bought her gifts, decorations and plates/napkins. I had the money saved for the food for the party, but my mom borrowed it to pay a bill, saying she'd go ahead and buy the food for the party later. Fine.

Well my mom has decided:
1. The plates I got aren't good enough, so she's gonna get some different ones, that won't even go with the decorations.

2. I invited too many people (20) and she doesn't have enough room. What can I do about this? She knew who I was inviting before and now, a few days before the party, she is freaking out.

3. She gets to make the food list, even though I had a specific thing in mind. I was going to cook. She assumed that she's going to have to cook, and said to me "You know everyone likes my cooking. They are coming here expecting ME to cook, not YOU." What a ... So then she says fine, make a list of stuff for me to get at the store....Ummm...hate to tell you mom, but I'm doing the shopping, because I'm trying to save money, so I'm getting whats on sale. Her list is easily over $100 for food, and I just don't have that!!!!! AND she wants a Barney cake. $$$$$ I wanted one with some stars, balloons and sprinkles on it. She wants me to give her the difference, but I can't do that. If she was offering to pay for the extra things, I wouldn't be having such a cow!

4. They are helping to clean the house, and cook, and host, so becasue they are helping, that gives them full rights to completely take over and plan the whole party.

Well now, they aren't going to help at all, so the help I was planning on getting, isn't going to come. So I'm just going to cancel the freakin thing because I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT! AAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[DivasMomma]

sounds like tensions are running high all around. Just get the neccessaties done and you will see everyone relaxes and things fall into place. This happened at my wedding....i had everything planned the way i wanted, then BOOM MIL decided to do things HER way....well i wound up winning and she walked around all pissed off all day...o well, I had a great day! So do what u need to do to keep Alyssa happy...dont worry about anyone else!!

[mommy2067]

Ditto to what Rhi said...Go ahead with your original plans...(did your mom give the money back that she borrowed for the food?) and hopefully they will just assume their helping roles again...you can only do what you can do...for you and for Alyssa...take some really really deep deep breathes and get 'er done....Whatever doesn't get done doesn't get done and whatever does get done is the way it was supposed to go!! I like your idea about the cake by the way...sound likes a simple and pretty idea and not nearly the amount of food colouring as in a Barney cake!!! Sending you (((HUGS))) and reinforcement and calming vibes too!!!!

[JeanLynn81]

Well that's the thing. She didn't give me the money back, which is fine, she can keep it because "I don't pay enough rent for all the trouble I give her."

So here I am, completely broke, and absolutely no food or cake for the party. I had bought enough soda and set it aside, but someone got into it and pulled the "oops I didn't know" card, so I have to re-buy that.

Now, I am by no means perfect. I have alot of money problems. I am very grateful for any help that I'd get...but I wanted to do this. This one thing-I wanted to pay for and plan, and do for my daughter. Call me selfish, or whatever you want, but its the way I feel. For ONE DAY I wanted to be the bigshot for my daughter. As a mom, I should be doing more, and I feel guilty all the time that I wasn't in a better financial situation when I had her. I wanted this one thing all to myself. And I explained this to my mom, and thought she would understand, being a parent herself. But instead, she ignores me and takes over!

Well, no worries. Now she is boycotting the whole thing. I have two kids to live with now.

[mcmama]

She'll stop boycotting once it is closer. Sounds like she has a hard time letting go of things. Sometimes grandmas get zealous. (note to self - pin this up somewhere for when the time comes in a few years...)

Just let it go and have the party and enjoy yourselves. Invite mom et al.

Does Alyssa like barney?

[lavatea]

Could you have the party at a public park? Have invitations been sent out already? If not, feel free to postpone it and have it elsewhere. That way you will have control of what you serve, your decorations, etc.

My mom tends to take over things as well. Most of the time I let it slide except for when it clashes with my own plans. Of course, she always gets her feelings hurt and sometimes throws mini-fits, but it always blows over.

Hope all goes well. For what it's worth, I wouldn't back down on the stuff that's truly important to you, but if there are a few things that could go your mom's way, that might help smooth it over sooner.

[mommy2067]

Jean you do so much for Alyssa just by being there for her and loving her more than anything in the world...one day the other stuff, the financial stuff will fall into place but until then don't beat yourself up over it...If that means that gramma does a little more than what you would like and perhaps not quite the way you would want then sit back ( a little bit...easier said than done I know that!!) and let go a smidge and trust that Alyssa will have her special day...Hopefully you will be able to work together and in the long run Alyssa will be happy with whatever party she has!!! Take lots of pics and make lots of memories...Alyssa knows who her mommy is regardless of what kind of cake she has or what decorations are used...Just do your best and KNOW that you are doing your best...hang in there my dear friend!! Sending you (((((HUGS))))) and good party vibes too!!!

[JeanLynn81]

Janet, Alyssa does like Barney. But the thing is, I really am not sure she'd care if it was Barney or a cow on the cake. Its CAKE!

Well we've calmed down enough to talk rationally. I apologized to my mom, and she agreed to let me be the decision maker this time around. Don't you just love how family can be sometimes?

Why does it always come down to the cake?

[mommy2067]

Yeah!!! Will keep my fingers X-ed that things go smoothly!!! You are back in the driver's seat...Enjoy the ride!!Families are what they are for better or worse...(I guess!!)...can't choose them...sometimes we just have to grin and bear them but more often than not we just have to love them....(sometimes easier said than done!!)..glad things are turning around Jean...still sending you good, fun, calm, and positive party vibes and thinking about you!! ((((((HUGS)))))

[KR258]

Good Luck with her party!!!!!!!! I hope it goes exactly as you have planned!!!!!!