[amholb0]

My DH and I were invited over to dinner at our very close friends' house. I love these friends dearly but, I am a little upset about the state of their house last night when we went to visit. It was not just mess it was dirty and there were tone of flies and ants everywhere. (I am a very messy person and I married a very messy person. There are times when the only the necessities of cleaning get done in week but, they do get done. I wash my dishes, vaccuum my floors, clean my bathrooms, and make sure my trash gets taken out.) I am okay with clutter, I fine with messy but, why would you invite someone to your house for dinner when you don't even have a clean pan to cook in! I was so turned off. We brought over wine for dinner butwe couldn't it because when I poured a glass, I got two sips before the flies attacked it. I was so uncomfortable. During the meal my friend said, "We invited you all over because, we thought it would motivate us to clean our house." That's fine but, obviously it didn't work so please next just call and cancel! What really irritates me, is that they would never do this to any other friend but, because I'm polite and never say anything to them about the way their house is, it's okay to cook me dinner in a fly filled kitchen. GRRRR. Thank You for letting me vent.

[QueenAngie]

Oh My Goodness! I really do not like bugs, even on a picnic.

They could have changed plans to another day
or
decided to go to a restaurant as another idea.

What a shame they did not make the effort to have things
at least 'bug free' and dity in the livingroom, kitchen, & bath.

What did you say in response when she stated about your coming for dinner would motivate them to clean?

Are you close enough to your friend to volunteer a Saturday morning to help her clean? Sometimes having a friend to help, gets the job done twice as fast.

Thank you for sharing.

[twinzplus3]

Your friends have poor hospitality skills. With my brood it is a rare day that you catch my house clean if you drop by. When people 'pop' over, I always say they're welcome to come in. . .but to not expect super cleanliness. But if I invite you, and I'm expecting you, my house would be beautiful. It's a hospitality thing. They should've called and canceled.

[Alejandros Mommy]

:ditto When I invite people to my house I make sure its as spotless as I can get it. Though like Val said...if you drop by my house it don't expect it to be spotless...how rude of your friends to do this. Next time ask them if they want to go out instead..

[AudreyOka]

I've taken so many food preparations classes that I'm not sure I could've eaten there

I have to agree that maybe offering to come over and help might work.

[MiaCamille]

oooooh that's bad, i'm no clean freak but there is a minimum to do especially when you invite people over

[mcmama]

If she says she invited you to motivate her to clean her house, maybe she is doing two things:
1. Acknowledging she has a problem and that she can't deny the fact that it is obvious to others.

2. Asking you for advice, support, help, in how to solve the problem in an indirect way.

I have known people who had this problem to the point where they really do stop inviting people in because of all the hazards. When something is really left not clean for long, you are likely to find that other things have been neglected too, including pest control and structural issues.

She's probably been hiding from this problem and is looking for a way out of hiding.

[JeanLynn81]

Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!

I'm with Audrey, I don't think I would have eaten there either! I would be too busy cleaning to eat. I'm like that...I used to have one of those jobs where I helped older people clean their houses, some were old vets (bachelors). Theirs get the worst. I've seen things I can't even described. To one guy I had to say "We need to throw about half of this stuff out and replace it with new. Some pots and pans just don't come clean." There was one guy who was eating his dinner as I was cleaning. A roach scurried on to his plate. So you know what the guy does? Just flicks it off and keeps eating.

The way some people can live just amazes me.

[floridamama]

I actually have a family member (on my dh's side of the family) who is like this, and it grosses me out too!
I mean, I have 3 kids, and we have lots of clutter...but...I do make sure my kitchen, bathrooms, and floors are clean! We have plenty of clean dishes, and no bugs! Well, we've battled sugar ants since we've moved in...but I think we've finally won! lol. That's a whole other story though.
So to go to someone else's home, and see all of this is enough to make my tummy turn!
Maybe Janet's right. Your friend may have a serious problem, and is looking for a "way out" of the mess. Maybe you can gently approach her about it? I think that our family member also has this same problem. It's so bad that I don't want the kids at their home anymore. I might take some of the same advice, and try talking to this person about it all.
Good luck!

[mcmama]

I found that you can talk to people about this when they signal they are ready to acknowledge it - but if you go and they are in denial "oh well, dirty enough to be happy" they are really not going to hear what you are saying.

Everyone in FL gets those sugar ants, and the palmetto bugs if you leave the door open or have any openings in your walls, windows, roof, or plumbing. It's something that you just have to keep after! So if you have no bugs, you are doing good!