[Angeljoe]

I really need some advise guys and gals. My husband of 5 years has become a online poker player. This has been going on for about six months. He started out spending about $40 to $80 online a month to play poker. He wins a lot but completely loses everything that he wins (up to $1100 somtimes). I had kidney surgery in July and again in September. I have been on temporary disability thru my work, which means I make only 66% of my normal wages. Things are pretty tight right now because of that fact. I get told often to get my fat Butt (a nice way of putting it) back to work and we would have more money. My doctor won't release me until my urine is blood free. I am also severly anemic because of the blood loss. I have begged my doctor to release me to go back to work because I feel guilty for being home for three months. Ok back to my point, My husband spends 8 - 12 hours a day online. My children and I eat dinner alone at least five days a week. He doesn't participate in any of the parenting role. I am one-hundred precent responsible for our children. I do everything from preparing meals for my children to wiping butts.. Just to clear things up, I am not complaining about these tasks. I love doing things for my children. My husband has never been a touchy loving dad. I don't think he has ever told our children that he loves them unless I told him to. He doesn't swing our children in our back yard or jump on the trampoline with them. I taught my son to ride his bike alone outside, while my husband was on the internet inside. Our daughter is three and loves to be the center of attention. She will sing very loudly in our family room and then bow down for applause. My husband gets annoyed with her within the first five minutes of her amazing show. She and I end of leaving the room because he is trying to watch tv.. It seems like he always needs a form of entertainment. tv, computer, or radio. I would rather watch my little girl sing and dance than to do anything else.. I find myself watching her color. I just don't understand why my husband needs so much more than our children. Before I had my surgery, My neighbor would call and tell me that My daughter is too young to be outside riding her bike alone while Joe (my husband) was upstairs on the computer with the window open. She would call me at work and tell me that she was just worried to death that my daughter would go to the pond by herself. (this pond is only across the street, about 60 feet) Of course, my neighbors call would create a huge arguement between Joe and myself. Honestly I have thought about hiring a babysitter to watch my children while I'm at work. I can truthfully say that I don't trust my husband to keep my kids safe. I work 5pm to 2am. Just to let everyone know my husband hasn't ever used alcohol or drugs.. I have always felt fortunate about this. I just wish he would give my precious children the attention they deserve. I tell him often that they are growing up with every single blink of his eye. They will never be close to him if he doesn't start being more Affectionate to them.. Ok, I have strayed away from the poker thing a bit but I blame that for most of the other things I've mentioned. I love my husband very much but I want better for my children. Every time I bring up our children to him, he says he will be better but he never changes. I am very unhappy with in my marriage but I am more disappointed because my children aren't getting the special attention they need from their father. I have brought up counciling many times and he always refuses. Please respond if you have any advise for these problems I've mentioned Thanks to everyone in advance

[mcmama]

Your husband is addicted to gambling. He needs gamblers anonymous. He very likely needs to hit bottom before he acknowledges he has a problem.
With the recent popularity of Texas Hold'em and poker tournements, online poker is very popular. You have endorsements from the pros on tv. There is an illusion that you can make a living playing online poker if you are skilled at it. Some people probably can, but likely they are pros who play offline too.
Online gambling is not regulated in the USA, and some UK sites will not let Americans play. Most are companies incorporated in Gibralter or Costa Rica or Curacao Some are regulated in Canada, but the corporations that own the sites are offshore.
Cut off his credit cards. Call your credit card companies and see if you can dispute the charges from offshore gambling accounts. That will get his attention. Then insist he get counseling for his habit. It is his problem, not yours. You are a single married mom. He is behaving as though he is your oldest child, not your spouse, your partner in life and family. You may be better off without him. You cannot control his behavior, you can only assume responsibility for yourself and your kids.
You are working the late shift to pay for his habit. This is abuse. You have to get control of YOUR money, and make sure that he has no access to the funds you need for everything. And, you also need to hire a sitter. he cannot be trusted.
Maybe if he sees you taking these steps he will realize he has a problem and is not being much of a man about it. Maybe then he will do what he needs to kick his filthy addiction.

[markbarnes19]

My brother loves Internet poker. He too plays very often. He is not addicted, though. He tells me that he sets limits on how much he'll gamble, and when that money is gone, he won't play again until the following month. He admits that it can be very addictive and how important it is to keep yourself in check. Perhaps your husband needs some professional help.