[christal4321]

I dont have anyone to talk to about this but I just want to get this out...

my hard headed husband (ricky) has not been to the doctor in 20 years...he has always been the manly man,never sick,cant anything bring him down kinda man...
We have been together since I was 14,he is the only life I know other than being a child at home with my mom which didnt go well......
well,as of yesterday as he was getting ready for work,he was on the porch bending over tying his work boots when his nose starts POURING blood...he goes on to work as if nothing happend (this man has never had a nose bleed in his life)
so I get kinda worried a lil but think ahhh its nothing.....well his friend calls me from work to tell me he had 3 more at work....
so he gets home,I check his blood pressure...it was 198/116 I check it 5 more times and keep getting the same readings......
I call his mom and dad and we all FINALY kinda force him to go to the ER...

well while at the ER his BP comes back down to normal,I think oh good!....doc says he wants to do some test to make sure he is ok...so they do an xray of his heart,CT of his head,and blood work...we wait for 3 more hours.......
we were in a trauma rooms so they ask us if we would mind moving to the hallway to make room for an ambulance coming in so we say sure......
I have been sick for 3 weeks now with a bad upper resp infec and I had been coughing when the doc comes up and asked ricky how long he had the bad cough for....he looks at him like he is crazy...tells him it was me coughing ,not him...the doc looks very very confused,and then begins to tell us......

he said that on the xray they took for his heart they had found lots of fluid in his lung,doc said it could be pneumonia BUT ricky has not 1 symptom of being sick at all!!!
Then he tells us that on the CT they had found that all of his lymphnoids are inlarged AND that his white blood count is WAY to high for a mormal infection,and that it shows he is trying t o fight a MAJOR infec and that his immune system is very low.....

The doctor looked very sad and got kinda quiet as he talked to me,as he told me it could very well be something far more serious as in cancer but that we would need to go for further testing to find out......


I dont understand.....im scared....I dont know what to say or think or do....
my life may be turned upside down over a trip to the ER for high BP and a nosebleed.....

I am MAD...I cant ever accept that the man who is NEVER SICK could end up with this,I have all this anger about it already and we dont even know yet...

All I keep thinking is NOOOOOOO, not him,not to us....I cant live without him

I have been trying so hard to keep it together for our 2 girls,ages 7 and 9...

I try to think for the better ,but everytime I talk to someone they say awww im so sorry but honey it sounds like its not gonna turn out good.....

I have not slept since then......I feel so blank but at the same time all of this feeling,I feel so confused and dont know what emotion wants to come out next...
all I have done is sit and cry,and I somehow have gotta be strong for him and our girls...I just dont know if I will be able to do this if it does turn out for the worse

I dont know how to do this.... has anyone ever felt this way before?
maybe it would help to talk to someone who has been here before...

sorry for the long vent,
Christal

[altland]

First, you have to keep telling yourself that your family will get through this. Being diagnosed with cancer is no longer a death sentence. It can be fought, treated, and beat. IF, and you still don't know yet, but if your husband has it, you said yourself he is strong and never sick, so your family will fight it together. I had cancer several years ago. It shocked me. I was the healthy one,who never had to go to a doctor. I did the chemo and am now in remission with a second child and a third on the way. I had a friend who had a brain tumor, cancer in the brain. She had surgery, treatments, and is now a healthy nurse in a very busy hospital. People survive this everyday.

When you find out what's wrong, you need to educate yourself so that you can be his biggest advocate. Even if it's pnemonia, you need to know how to take care of him to make him better. Ask as many questions as you need to until you fully understand. Not knowing what is going on is always the worst part of any situation. Once they tell you what's truly going on, you will figure out how to handle it. I can tell from your email you are a strong person and you will get your family through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted.

[mcmama]

Thanks altland, cancer really is not a death sentence. But it does require information, followup, and communication.

Ricky better get over the doctors who needs em attitude. I myself have had that attitude. And now I am a cancer survivor. I would really like to go another few years before I see a doctor again. But I can't. Followup, early detection, testing -these are all important.

The gift of cancer is it causes you to reshift your priorities. All that stuff you thought you can't live without seems minor once you direct your efforts toward staying alive and healthy.

Feel free to vent here, and ask questions. We've been there, and we get it.

Thinking "for the better" is a magical response family members often have first. What is important, and strangely comforting, is to have real information, solutions, treatments - and gather the support for planning how to live with these.

If Ricky has cancer, then Ricky will live with cancer before he dies from it, IF he dies from it. And you and your girls will live right along with this.

Is he being treated at a good hospital? Do they have counseling available for families? Are there family support groups available? These will be very important to you as you make whatever adjustments are needed.

Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing.

[interval]

Having cancer is a bad news that could shock anyone. First of all you must stay clear headed and support Ricky. Then you should ask for a second medical opinion. If the conclusion will be the same, then think that this days cancer isn't a death sentence anymore. Read a book about this disease, search the net for news to be informed, communicate with other sufferers. Once you have more info, you can make reasonable decisions. I advise you both to find a support group. You will find others in the same boat, with practical advice & much kindness. The main thing is, you must stay a balanced TEAM, a real family. Do not let anyone separate you, or discount you as merely the 'caregiver', or merely the 'family', as if only the patient counts. You both need each other more than ever. Please please keep in touch, with yourself, your husband, and us.