[layziee]

I'm a 27 year old male, and I'm getting married this June. My mom and stepdad are doing the wedding reception planning, and for the last few months, my mom has been complaining that I don't call her often enough. She is constantly complaining that my sister, who is a freshman in college, calls her everyday, but I get around to it maybe once a week. We have gotten into several arguments about this and I have tried telling her that I have never been the type make frequent phone calls. She complains that there is so much to do for the wedding and that I don't even care to find out what is going on.

There are a number of reasons why I don't have a close relationship with my parents. I have had a troubled childhood and feel that they have basically neglected me since I was 10 years old. I grew up in a home where my stepdad and mom would argue and fight on a regular basis, and I found myself getting in the middle more often than I would liked to maintain some level of order within the house. He has been abusive towards her in the past, and has never been much of a father to me as well. The attention that I got from my mother was mostly negative, in the form of yelling and complaints of not living up to her expectations and being compared to other kids that measured up better than I did. There have been several major incidents where I feel that my mother betrayed me, and listened to chose my stepfathers side instead of mine.

About 5 years ago, she was going through the worst part of her marriage and became very depressed. I was angry with her still for the injustice that I felt towards her, but I felt sorry for at the same time and felt the need to let go of my anger and to be there for her. I supported her decision to divorce him, but in the end, she did not go through with it. In supporting her, I basically turned against my stepdad, thus tarnishing my relationship with him, but then having to live with her decision to stay. I have that this was another incident where my mother did not do her part in rectifying the damage that had been done, and I have made a personal vow to never get involved with her problems again. Since then, I stayed within the same house for a few more years, but kept to myself for the most because I felt neither one of them has ever thought of me before themselves.

Things have progressed since then, but the memories and the pain that I carry with me does not allow to treat them with love and appreciation. I have never been supported financially by them and feel that that is another example of them not valuing our relationship as their son, yet they have done so much for my sister. However, this wedding is the first instance where they are making a financial sacrifice on my behalf, even though that is customary in our culture. I have written a long explanation address to my mom, explaining in detail events and periods of my life that I felt that I have been mistreated and neglected, which has led to a lack self esteem and depression growing up.

I want to get this off my chest and show her what I wrote or at least tell her how I feel, but I'm not sure if I should. There are parts in my personal statement that bluntly tells her that I think she was not a good role model for me, and that her share of mistakes is one of the reasons why I don't choose to listen to her. Should I not share this at all? Should I wait til the wedding is over and act as if everything is normal for now? How should I approach this? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.