[happyfamily08]

I am 46 years old stepmom and I feel that I am a great wife and step-parent. About three months ago, I had taken in my niece to live with our family. My niece was living with her BF and SM, half-brother, and for the past four years she was being treated like a servant, waiting hand and foot on her family members. My family was not aware of the situation until my brother and his family moved back to our home state from Illinois. When we had family cook-outs, or birthday parties, my sisters and mother noticed that my niece was doing all the work and never sitting down to rest. This happened more than two occasions, my sister in-law made a statement that she wished she had more like my niece someone to be their servant. My niece is 18 she was diagnosed with mental retardation years ago and on Thanksgiving 2007, a drama took place which lead to my niece moving out of her fathers home, which she was being mistreated. Two months passed and I try to stop by to pay a visit to my mother, and she would repeatedly tell me that she was going to have me investigated because I am my niece's payee on her benefits, and the last time I went to visit my mother, she came out and said to me, right in front of my niece that she was gonna cause trouble for me and report me. I had been frustrated that she has never been supportive of me, for taking in my niece and caring for her, when no one in my family offered to help her. I was tired of hearing my mother saying negative thinkgs to me and not showing any support for doing something good. I love my mother but I just cannot tolerate her rudeness so I had decided not to visit or call her. I have no mother and daughter relationship, she gossips to my eldest sister about everything I talk to her about and she makes me feel like that I never do right and most of all she shows me no respect. I can use friends who I can talk to.

[VinniesMommy]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Some people just don't appreciate you like they should and that's awful!

[desperate_housewife2008]

Tell your mother, or if she's not the kind of person to listen until you're done, write her how you feel. Don't accuse her of anything, just say, "this is how I feel when you act like this...." then ask her why she's acting the way she. There might be some unspoken problem with her or a misunderstanding. If not and she's just disagreeing with you, then tell her you agree to disagree and that you just won't talk about this subject anymore. If she can't help but make negative comments whenever you meet with her, say "we already had that conversation and I'm not interested in having it again" and change the subject or walk away.

I believe it's important to have a good relationship with your parents, possibly especially so when grandchildren are involved. But we all have differnt opinions, just accept it as such (by making sure every party got a chance to express themselves and then agreeing to disagreeing) and don't let it get to you.
If you feel in your heart you are doing the right thing, then go with it and don't let people who disagree get to you.

And if you always remain calm when you have those challenging talks with your mother, she'll see that you're determined and won't change your mind and will eventually change her own behavior.

Good luck. Remain strong.