[Amber143]

This may get long so please bear with me...
When I was 18, I accidentally stumbled across a medical document of my mother's that contained a question about how many children she'd had. Written next to that question was a 3. Being that I only had one sibling, I found it strange that it stated 3 children, not 2. That confusion/curiosity led me to look through her medical records (she kept them at our house) to see if it was a typo and found other documents that stated she had experienced 3 live births. At some point, my mother had another child and never told my brother or me about it. I wanted to confront her about his info., but I knew I was snooping and didn't want to get in trouble, so I didn't say anything.
Fast forward 10 years. I have a family of my own now and even though my mother and I are very close, I still have never confronted her about this. I'm reaching a point now, however, that I have to know about this other child. I am guessing that she must've given it up for adoption and she obviously never planned on me finding out about it.
My questions are:
a)How do you suggest I bring this up? I know it will upset her and I plan on getting us alone for the conversation, but I have no idea how to begin!!
b)Would you even bring it up or would you leave it alone if you were me?
I know this probably sounds made up, and I wish it was! Thank you, in advance, for your advice.

[mrmnmom82]

I don't think adoption is the only think that could have happened. the baby could have died very young. My grandmother had a child die very young and I didn't know about it for a very long time, it's not something people really want to chat about.

If you do bring it up, don't assume anything. I have no clue how to go about bringing up that disscussion though.

Good luck

[MissyChrissy]

Originally Posted by mrmnmom82

I don't think adoption is the only think that could have happened. the baby could have died very young. My grandmother had a child die very young and I didn't know about it for a very long time, it's not something people really want to chat about.

If you do bring it up, don't assume anything. I have no clue how to go about bringing up that disscussion though.

Good luck

ITA. I don't really have any advice 'cause I don't know how I'd bring it up either.

[altland]

Are you sure it is worth the pain it might cause to talk about it? What if there was a death? What if there was an adoption? Do you look for this other person? What if they don't know they are adopted?

As a mother, you know you could never forget a child you gave birth to. Maybe your mother has a very good reason for never talking to you about it. Is it better this child remain in her memories? Is there any way to find out more information without going to your mother? Hospital records, maybe? Have you looked for a death certificate?

The only reason I can think of that would might make the trouble worth it, would be if there was a medical reason, like needing a bone marrow or kidney match or something. You have a real tough dilema on your hands. I hope it works out for you and you find the answers you need.

[albertson]

Hi;
About secret of my mother,she doesn't have any secret.Because she share everything to her family,so there is no secret of her.
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albertson
Addiction Recovery Hawaii

Addiction Recovery Hawaii

[ceejay1]

If you and your mother are very close, then simply tell her you stumbled upon this info, and are just curious to see if she would like to talk about it. I believe honesty is best when one is close....and it seems to be weighing on you somewhat...so just ask...do not underestimate her ability to explain especially because the 2 of you are close...hope all goes well..

[QueenAngie]

Maybe the baby died of SIDS as a newborn.

Could have been many things that occured and may be a heart breaking issue for your mother. If she has never brought it up to you before, I would tread very lightly on this subject.

Let us know what you decide to do.

[Amber143]

After more thought about how I got this information and how it may affect my mom, I think I'm going to just try and leave it alone. Hopefully one day she will share the info. but until then, if she doesn't want me to know, I won't pry. Thank you for all your advice!

[ceejay1]

I am glad you have made up your mind. Every situation is so different...my husband comes from a very strict german-catholic up bringing..in his baby book is reference to a 5th child...with weight hair color and height...he stumbled upon this when i asked him whom it was in reference to...I was looking through his baby book...ooohin and awwwing..when I noticed this...his mother passed away 3 yrs later...he will now never know...it does not consume him...but he will always wonder...God Bless!

[Samual]

My mum lost a baby after me and before my little sister, it's something that she has never talked about to any of us, everything we know about it is from our dad. Sometimes you have to let sleeping dogs ly.