[Stryder]

Hello,

I am new to this forum and quite frankly joined because I dont know where else to turn. Please if you are someone who is only interested in beating me up for my feelings and don't have any intention of helping or offering constructive advice then just move on to the next thread.

My wife and I have been married for just over 5 years and have a son who is about to turn 5. I am from British background while my wife is Italian. It is alos important to know that we currently live with my in-laws while my in-laws. My problem is that my wife wants to be able to have full control over everything and wants everything her way. She not so secretly doesn't get along with my family at all. My family pretends not to notice but I am sure they must. My wife insists that everything we do has be done the way she grew up with. She is never willing to compromise or budge on anything. If she doesn't like it, it just isn't happenning.

Here is the kicker.....my mother-in-law runs her family the exact same and doesn;t hesitate to put her two sense in on any situation regarding my family or otherwise. This tells me that my wife will never cahnge to consider what I want or to compromise with me at all. To give you an example...my sons birthday is coing up and on the weekend that we plan to hold his party my parents have made plans to go to the cottage. My parents are offering for us to come visit the weekend before as they would like to take my son for lunch at McDonalds as a treat. My wife however is refusing to go and is telling me that I shouldn;t allow it because they should have to come and visit their grandson for his birthday. She constantly claims that she doesn;t feel like she is a part of my family and that my family resents her. I will admit that there have been times when my family has done things which could give her that impression but at the same point I feel like this situation is going to cost me any relationship with my parents and my brother. I am constantly stuck in the middle just as I am with this situation regarding my son's birthday. If I tell my parents I am not coming they will wnat to know why and will be upset when I tell them. If I do take him then my wife will be upset and will do everything in her power to make me regret not siding with her. Any constructive criticism, opinions or advice are more than welcome. Thanks for reading.

[Labhaoise]

first off welcome!
Im sorry that you're going through this and I cannot imagine just how hard it is. The first thing that comes to mind when I read you're post was that you need to get your own house and move out of your inlaws asap! I don't know how feasible that is, but you need to work it out so that you, your wife & son can start your own lives, away from "well-meaning" family.

In the meantime, I think you also need to go somewhere away from both of your families and you need to sit her down and tell her what you're thinking and most importantly how you're feeling. From what you've written I think you're going to have to be forceful and not let her interrupt you, perhaps you can also send your son to your parents so that you can have this 'alone time'. Also try asking her to put herself in your shoes, and explain, clearly as you can that you are between a rock and a hard place. You don't know who to choose- your family or the woman you love. (I am of course assuming you love her, otherwise you wouldnt be looking for a way to change this situation).

Apart from that I really don't have any other advice. I know that it can be hard, I hate confrontation and dont really know many people that like it. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide, and keep us posted!

[MissyChrissy]

I think you and your wife should look into counseling so you're on the same page and have the same expectations.