[EricNav]

My wife found out last night that I have been cheating. It started out innocently with a co-worker. (we both work at a bar) Let me start from the beginning.....My name is Eric i am 25 years old, and i have been married for 5 years in june to my wife Cassie. We have 2 children 4 and 2. And to throw a wrench into the situation, I am leaving for the military in less than a month.
We have been having problems for the past few months in regards to my communication skills. I have a tendency to keep my emotions and feelings hidden. I want to be able to talk to her, but I don't know where to begin to open up to her. The affair lasted for about a week when she found out. I was also in the process of figuring out how to end the relationship, and tell my wife because the guilt was eating me alive. I love her so much, and I want to make it better, but I don't know how. She is a wreck, and has spent all day calling people and telling them what i had done. Where do I begin? I am so confused and hopeless. I love my wife (as impossible as that may seem) and I want to make it work, but I am afraid that my poor communication my make it even harder to repair. She tells me all the time to just talk to her, but I don't know how....Please help

[Alejandros Mommy]

Go to counseling please. Esp if you are leaving in a month. Nothing worse then leaving and having things fester while you are gone. AND don't cheat again! You are a very lucky man as your wife is willing to listen to you and work this out.

[beth]

Hi Eric,
You have much work to do to make a success of your marriage and to regain your wife's trust. For the sake of your marriage you will have to talk to Cassie, there is no way around it. No matter how hard it is for you to talk, it is up to you to decide whether that is harder than losing your wife.
If you feel you would benefit from counseling, particualry online couseling as you are moving away shortly, you are welcome to contact me.

[MiaCamille]

Can i just ask you a question? if you love her so much how could you cheat? i could NEVER do that to my dh...Please seek counseling.

[mcmama]

How did she "find out"?

You told her - or left stuff for her to "discover" - or someone else told her?

Cheating never starts out "innocent".

You got married kind of young. Maybe you were not really ready. But you're in it now, so you have to deal. Get to a counselor immediately and stop deceiving her and yourself.

[oweirdo]

Agree with above!

BUT The communation is a hard thing to fix too, I know, I have been married for 10 years, and still have a hard time opening up. You need to figure out why you cant talk to her, do you have this problem with everyone?
Try opening up with just one thing, a smaller thing, open up completely about it. Answer every question she ask immediately dont stop and think. That when people who have trouble communating have the hardest time. Tending to over think the answer, trying to delay it because your not sure its what she wants to hear. If its nothing more than how was you day, really tell her, tell her the up and downs. If its what is your favorite tv show, tell her, tell her why, how it makes you feel, memories of it during childhood, whatever. Learn to open up starting with the small things.
Have her make a list of 5 small thing question to ask you, and you make a list for her, it doesn't matter if you know the answers or not, sit down and each night ask each other one of them. Make sure you have plenty of time, learn to just talk to her, learn to listen, REALLY LISTEN. The big things then seem a little easier. After you get used to talking small talk, one night have someone watch the kids if possible, if not sit down with her after they are in bed. Tell her what she wants to know, maybe write yourself a letter. Organize your thoughts, dont make excuses to yourself. You need to understand why you did this, you need to be true with yourself, be very honest with you,then you can be more open and honest with her.