[LonelyMarriedMan]

Please, only men reply. I don't need to be beat up by women who feel since I am a man I must be wrong!

My wife is a control freak! She always has been! She is just too controlling! I can't take it anymore! I am weak and she is strong. I admit I am lazy.We are just too opposite! There is no love! There is no attraction! I have been married for seven years! I admit I did not want to marry her. She pressured me. Like I said, I am weak and she is strong! We have a beautiful child now. I would not want it any other way. My child is the love of my life. I wish I could say we feel the same way for each other. I guess we both had to settle. That's reality. We are reasonably attractive people. To tell you the truth I could have done better inn the looks department. YES, SHE IS KIND OF LUCKY TO HAVE ME. I settled. But so did she. I am so freaking unhappy with her. Yet our religious beliefs teach agains t divorce. I would anyway, but I don't want to be away from my child. I just don't know what to do with this control freak! Yes, she is a control freak. I can't take it! HELP! AT LEAST LET ME KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND!
Thanks

[mcmama]

If you want only men to reply you are going to have a long wait. This forum is mostly women.

What is she doing that is so control freaky?

[JeanLynn81]

Sorry, I am not a man. But I just want to jump in and say that I am sorry you are having these issues. I'm with mcmama-in what ways does she try to control you? We promise not to "beat you up" about it, and will give you our best advice, if we have a better idea of what's going on.

I do believe that men get abused during marriages. I imagaine that as a guy, it must be much more difficult to ask for help. My very best friend is a guy, so believe me when I say I know how y'all think. That boy holds nothing back from me. He is also in a bad (and imo abusive on her part) relationship, that I am slowly but surely helping him out of. So please, feel free to send me a private message if you need any advice. I will help out if I can.

One last thing I want to add is that maybe think about what's in the best interest of the child. If you think its to stay together, then you need marriage counseling badly. And if it was me, I'd rather have two very happily divorced parents, than two miserable married ones. JMO. Thanks for listening.

[LonelyMarriedMan]

Thanks guys.
My wife is very very smart and astute. She grew up being a leader. That has always been her role in life. She grew up in Korea. I, on the other hand, grew up an underachiever! I did not come into my own until my mid to late 30s!! I DIDN'T EVEN MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE UNTIL I WAS 40!!! I married her! I AM ASHAMED OF THIS, BUT IT'S MY LIFE!!!

This morning I realized why I am so lazy. EVERYTHING COMES SO FREAKING HARD FOR ME!!! I PURCHASED A TENT FOR ME AND MY SON TO SLEEP IN IN MY BACKYARD. AFTER READING THE DIRECTIONS I CAN'T GET THE FREAKING THING TOGETHER!!!!! THE DIRECTIONS DON'T MAKE SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!! I H AVE TO ASK MY WIFE FOR HELP OR I AM BRINGING IT BACK!!! THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME!!! THIS IS WHY I AM SO FREAKING LAZY!!! EVERTHING COMES SO HARD!! NOT FOR HER BUT FOR ME!
I WISH I COULD ****ING KILL MYSELF! I REALLY DO SOMETIMES!

[JeanLynn81]

Do you have any guy friends? Buddies you hang out with every now and then?

*sigh* As much as I hate this... ( ) Sometimes guys just need to be guys. It boosts their confidence.

[mcmama]

Your story about the tent reminds me of some friends of mine, all divorced guys. These guys had major control issues with their ex wives, and found a great deal of strength in the "guy stuff" they did with each other. So they arranged to have a barbecue at one guys house, and then they were going to put together a tent for the kids to sleep over.

Well, just like you, the tent did not happen, despite all these pretty bright guys working on it. So you know what they did? Everyone just slept in their sleeping bag anyway. Some slept outside until the mosquitoes got really bad, and by morning everyone was either in the den or on the porch. And they had a great time!

Now I am sure that when the kids saw their mothers again there was no secret about how the tent never got put together. I am also sure that if some ex wife snorted "well, of course, he can't do ANYTHING!" the kids probably blew it off because they had a great time.

The best thing to do is to stop obsessing over what you cannot do, and share with your children what you can, and who you really are.

If you don't know who you really are, or you don't like who you really are, you need counseling - for yourself, not just for the marriage.

You need to focus on what you can do, and who you are. Stop living in the failure pit. No one is going to want to go there with you. It is likely that you are not lazy, but that you are depressed. You need to see a doctor to treat that so that you can take charge of better living for yourself.

Take the tent back, and see if there is something easier. My kids had this thing that was not suitable for camping, but folded up easy for backyard play. We had a lot of good times with it.

[MiaCamille]

Welcome to Families, we are not here to judge people but to help if we can and to lend a listening ear...
I agree with Jean do you have male friends? I have controling MIL and believe me that i see my FIL in what you wrote, personnaly i think that's it's sad the he lives that way and stays in the relationship, life is really too short to be unhappy and your child feels your sadness and your anger also. Have you guys gone to therapy?

[mrj]

Hi LonelyMarriedMan,
Sorry to hear you are living such an unhappy life. The bit you wrote about being lazy sounds very familiar to me. I have very recently seperated from my controling, verbally abusive husband. While he was here nothing was ever right or good enough for him until finally I gave up even trying and used to sit and wonder how I ended up so lazy and why I never had any energy to do anything, and of course the less I did the more excuses he had to tell me how useless I was. Since he has left, I have so much energy you would not believe it!! I am painting the house and keeping everything clean, have started 2 part time jobs and feel great, and guess what? No-one is telling that anything I do is not good enough!!! I feel that I was being smothered and still feel that when he comes around to see the kids like he is sucking all the energy out of me. Sorry I am probably not a great person to be giving you any advise as I'm only just finding my own freedom, but don't be too hard on yourself. You may not be lazy at all, but just smothered.
Take care of yourself and remember that even if the marriage was not a success, something perfect and beautiful came out of it....your precious child.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

I'm not male either, but we all do our best to support each other on this board.

I've put up my share of tents w/ Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts with our sons. Take it back to the store. Get another tent that is easier to put together. Talk to the clerks about the ones that are the easiest and go up in minutes.


This one you throw and it pops up into place. Do have to attach the lines to secure it to the ground.
http://www.wyeomans.com/products.asp...8&ReviewPage=1



This tent has 2 long external poles that you thread through the outside of the tent. 2-pole frame system with shock-corded fiberglass poles. Sets up in minutes!

http://www.beyond-bedding.com/two-pe...p-up-tent.html



How about some counseling for the two of you as a couple? Marriage enrichment may be very helpful.

The other thing is this:
if you act like you love her,
bring her a single flower for no reason,
give her a kiss and a hug for 30 seconds every morning and every evening,
tell her you love her,
hold hands with her......
maybe in 4 - 6 weeks you may fall back in love with her.

Let us know what you decide.

[mummyme]

why don't you just be a man