[kelbel53078]

Hi everyone. I could really use some advice. My name is Kelly I am 28 yrs old and I have a 1 yr old daughter. I grew up in an abusive home. My father is a recovering alcoholic. He was verbally and physically abusive to my mother, and verbally abusive to me. He doesn't drink anymore, but his actions are the same. He still verbally abuses my mother and he is just really mean and negative. He basically placed one addiction with another. Although he doesn't drink anymore, he smokes a lot of marijunna. He is basically high all of the time. The problem that I am now facing is this....I live 300 miles away. Usually when we visit we stay with them. The last time we were home for a visit he made my husband and I feel extremly unwelcome. He was angry and mean and hurtful to me and my family the whole time we were visiting (for my daughter's first b-day). I made the decison to stay at a hotel the next time so that I could have an out if he acted this way. I don't want my daughter exposed to that type of negativty. Plus I can't stand to see how he treats my Mother. My Mother is now making me feel very guilty about staying elsewhere. I guess I am having conflicting feelings. One moment I think that I am doing the right thing and then the next moment I feel like I am just making things worse. Am I making the right decision, or am I making it worse. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Kelly

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Kelbel!

Congrats on celebrating your daughter's 1st birthday.
Bet she is just a cutie.

Certainly you wish to visit with your mother.
Could she come to your home
for a visit?

There was a reason your last visit, that you'd vowed to stay in a hotel next time.
You've made it very clear to me.

You and DH have a priority to protect your own daughter.
That is always #1.
Does not matter who else is involved, your child/ren are #1.

That being said, next visit, just play on staying in a hotel to sleep.

Will it upset your mother? Probably.

But, your child doesn't need to hear the verbal abuse and
smell the pot.

I am certain that other new friends will be willing to share their views too.

[MissyChrissy]

Your mother is an adult-and she choses to stay in that abusive relationship. That does not mean you have to tolerate it-and you certainly should NOT expose your daughter to it. You're doing the right thing by making plans to stay elsewhere. Your mother should be more understanding...but if she can't be, you still owe it to your daughter and yourself to stay out of that mess.

(((HUGS)))