[MsPeechez]

I have a friend who I will say is Sarah and her husband Ben is in the process of adopting two girls. At first Sarah had a heated discussion with her husband to actally start the adoption process. He was dead set against the whole process and he wanted to continue the IVF process. He finally gave in to begining the classes.
They completed the classes and they found two sisters right away. They are now living in their house and it seems like Ben is going along with the whole thing but it looks as though Ben is just going through the motions of having kids it looks. He likes the idea of the group outings but doesnt seem like he helps out much. He doesnt play with them in public. For example my husband was sick and we went to a free concert. He played with all the girls most of the time while Ben was socializing.
I know I am in the outside looking in but Sarah does 99% of taking care of the girls. Ben continues to play golf two times a week and Sarah is lucky she has a moment to herself some days. They are very fortunate that they have two supportive parents who care for the girls.

What should I do Go to Sarah?

[jd1331]

I don't know that going to Sarah will help, it may just make this already exhausted and frazzled mommy a basket case. If your husband is close to Ben, he may make it a point to subtley show Ben the error of his ways. Are Ben's parents any help?

[DivasMomma]

my husband doesntdo much with the kids either. Dont get me wrong, he is a wonferul father. He plays with them here. But when we do get a chance to get out of the house, I am usually the one looking after the kids. Some men were just born.raised that way. His dad is the same way with his kids...my dad was very hands on. Its all in how you are raised i think

[jd1331]

Then you may want to broach the subject with her carefully and tell her you know how hard it is for her as you have a similar situation. You two ought to set up a girls day and drop the kids with a grandparent and get to see a movie or go to lunch or get a massage.