[keeno_82uk]

New to the fourm and come here seeking help mainly and maybe friends in the process.

My name is Mal, i'm 24 and have a kid of my own aged 10 months named Kallam and a step son aged 3 years named Rhys.

Since birth Rhys has been an active child with a unique personality. Hes been a mummy's boy since birth and this could be that as a baby and toddler she used to let him sleep in bed with her and in the same room.

Since then, he has gradually gained an angry temperament and lashes out with fists flying if he is told off. He fights with me if i even try and get him changed if his mothers in the same room. Ignoring us when he is spoken to.

He insists on having his mum take him to bed and more recently watch a DVD while going to sleep, which often ends up with him not going to sleep for a while. During the night he often wakes and shouts for his mum and to get him to sleep again, my partner goes into his room and sleeps there causing her to lose sleep.

Now i know most behaviour problems mostly are rooted to the parents behavior so i am looking for some help on how we are to change as parents to aid Rhys to have a more stable personality.

Any help is appreciated.

[mollymae]

Co sleeping can promote a strong bond between mother and child but it doesn't cause children to become aggressive. TBH his sleep issues sound like he's insecure. Where does Kallam sleep? Could Rhys be jealous and feeling left out?

Tell about how you, mum and dad react when Rhys lashes out? Tell us what happens if he screams and shouts in the middle of the night. What are the adult reactions to his behaviors?

[keeno_82uk]

Kallam sleeps in our bedroom, but rhys has taken no interest to this and was waking up throuought the night well before kallam was introduced into his life.

When rhys lashes out for whatever reason, we send him to a naughty corner. There i crouch down and explain to him what he has done wrong and why he should not do it again. He does not stay and makes a big effort not to stand in the corner and walks away. If he is told off for doing something naughty, which seems very often, he shouts back or goes to kick or punch one of us. It seems to be me more then my partner telling Rhys off for being naughty, which in my view doesn't seem right.

the be all and end all is, we are both worn out by his violence towards us, which comes about like as if a red mist decends and either goes for us or furnature (the TV mostly).

p.s thanks for replying.

[mollymae]

You all need to be on the same wave length concerning behavior and if it's you thats having to play 'bad cop' all the time only for him to get the reward of dad or mum's attention at the end of all the bad behavior then it's never mad clear to him by all adults what the boundaries are.

I honestly do understand how hard work kids are I have 5. For the naughty corner to work you need to keep putting him back over and over and to start with it can take hours and hours. With some kids it just never works. Especially as it sounds like his behavior sounds like its based on insecurities, so pushing him away will only compound the problem. Try lots and lots of positives, lots animated commentary when you doing things together. Getting dressed for example you can make it a game and hopefully he'll be distracted out of the stroppiness. 'Oh no where's your head gone? Oh now we;ve lost your hand! Where'd t go? When he's dressed then clap and make a big deal out of the fact he is dressed. Dance and jump around. Reallly, really over play the positives. Kids naturally seek approval, so if he can see that if he can get your approval from even doing small thing then he might feel more secure. His behavior at the moment is demanding your attention in a non positive way but to children they don't care if it's negative or not they just want it. I'd go for the minimal approach on the bad behavior for now. Say in a low voice, "No, thats naughty behavior I don't like it when you do hit/shout" Then move on to a a quick distraction somehting out the window or a toy.

Does he have any sensitivities to food additives? We've recently found that the low sugar squash we were buying had aspartame in it. We changed the brand and my eldest's behavior has massively improved. It's worth checking packaging for colourings too.

Good Luck.

[keeno_82uk]

i've not seen any adverse effect when he drinks his juice or anything, but i will inspect the packaging more in depth, as there may be additives. Which ones do i look for?