[poohsbrana]

He's very hurt, she was his life for 23 years. Since he didn't go out for a year and half shows that he was definiatly hurt, and did wrong. But he has no excuse to come up in your life, with your children, while he is still hurting over his ex. I'm agreeing with you hun, you and your kids deserve better. Sounds to me that his kids are still wanting mommy and daddy back together. If that's the case, they'll never be ready, I remember when my daddy got a new girlfriend when I was young, I despised that women. Not because she was a bad person, just because it showed me, daddy and mommy would never be. I knew they weren't ever getting back together, but the possibilty gave me hope.
Have you brought anymore of this up to him? If you do, and he gets mad, just leave. He won't know what to do. Just grab your kids and take them to the park or something, for a little bit. When you come back ask him if he's calm and ready to talk. I'm sorry you're going through all this.

[emilytx47]

You are right, he was hurt and thats why he threw himself alone for all that time, he did tell me that. And as far as his 13 yr old daughter, yes, i think she had or has hopes that mom and dad was gonna get back togather, from what I was told by him, last month when he told her about me, the girl didnt know they was even divorced, she thought they was just still seperated. This month when he had her, i dont think they even discussed me at all, I know he didnt tell her we was engaged now. I tell him ALL the time about wanting to meet her, i know his son who is 22 is ok with it all but i still havent met him yet either, but how do i bring it up to him anymore than i have if all i get is when they are ready?? The last time i said it, he didnt get mad but he did get a lil snappy about it, kind of like stop saying it. So how do i persue it more? I dont want the lil girl to hate me but i do know what your saying about being daddys girlfriend and stuff, i totally do. He tells me he is hurt over what she done to him, but its time he moves on and makes a new life and be happy, but i dont see how thats possible when you carry around all that pain and hate. Like yesterday when he talked to her about something to do with their daughter the subject got off on who did what wrong in the marriage, i didnt say a word when he told me , but to me if you are trying to heal, what difference does it make, that only opens old wounds.

[PetScribe]

Emily, I have to agree with a lot of the others on this one. Don't rush into marriage with this man. Too many red flags already. (1) Said he was divorced 6 months but you found papers showing it was only 1 month. (2) Won't introduce you to his kids. (3) Viloated the not talking about exs things.
Listen, you have kids, he has kids. If you get married, you're going to be involving them in your life too. And it doesn't sound like it's going to get off on the fair and honest start it deserves.
23 years is a huge amount of time to be with someone else. No way is he ready for marriage just yet. I once heard a friend say it takes almost as long as you were with someone to truly get over them.
Of course I'm not saying you have to wait around 23 years for his heart to heal. If the divorce wasn't his idea, his ego's bruised. He needs some TLC, but he sure doesn't need another marriage yet. His kids are mourning their parents' divorce and don't need a new "mom" in their life. Everyone just needs to slow down and BE for a bit.
Love him like you are, but hold off on the marriage. You owe yourself happiness too. And all the signs are there for you not to be happy in the future with the signs you've indicated. And it seems like you know that, you just needed some validation.
Good luck and be strong. Help him as best you can but don't compromise yourself on the process.

[Samual]

Ignoring all the other things, no matter what age my children were, if I had only been with someone for 5 months, there is no way I would introduce them.

[emilytx47]

Well we had a conversation Friday night, we always say I love you more to eachother and i guess that left me an opening to talk about stuff. I needed him to realize I dont have his whole heart, and I needed him to know that i know that and that I understand it but its gonna take time too. He said he feels sometimes that he still needs to protect her from getting hurt because she does stupid things, ect... i said well you cant protect her and move on with your life too but i do understand its gonna take a while , yall was married a long time, i know i was married for 16 yrs myself...but yet again, he dont wanna hear my past.... Well Sat. night we went to friends of his, had such a great time, they found out we were engaged, they were so thrilled because they knew how bad his ex treated him, they asked him so when are you gonna anounce it to the ex and all?? He totally ignored that question..... Kind of made me think..hmmmmm is he ever????