[2Close4Comforrt]

Help! Need some advice, also need to make some decisions here soon, recently my husband and I moved to be closer to his mother, we live next door, which I thought would be nice, but is starting to be a little 2Close4Comfort if you know what I mean, I love my mother in law dearly, she's a sweet woman, but she made some poor financial decisions, and is now at risk of losing her home, and has asked us to move in with her, her daughter and husband borrowed money from her sometime ago, and have never paid her back, I suggested that they all move in together, since her daughter and husband are also at risk of losing their home, she stated that it just would not work out for them...so that's left me feeling frustrated, upset, and overwhelmed, I recently lost my part time job due to frequent panic/anxiety attacks due to the ongoing stress I've been under, I really don't want to live with mom, and her two dogs, we have two dogs, and a cat....plus my new daughter in law is coming to stay with us while my youngest son is deployed to Iraq next month....I'm desparate for any advice, feedback, or suggestions, as we need to start making a decision soon, thanks!

[Alejandros Mommy]

Its a very tough situation you are in...personally I would keep my own house and if she wants she can move in with you. Do you have a basement that you can create a suit for her? That way she'd have her own space and so would you. The only other option is the one that you have suggested. I understand the need to help her out BUT you have o think about your family...by moving in with her you lose your house and your equity. I personaly wouldn't do it. It makes no sense to put her infront of your family.

Have you talked to your husband about this. You really need to be on the same page. You don't want him agreeing to do something you don't want to do.


Btw she could also sell her house and pay the bank back...the extra she could use for a condo.

[2Close4Comforrt]

Yes, I agree, but the only thing is is that we are renting, not buying, and we don't have a fenced in yard, she does, that's how she is able to keep her dogs, my husband and I both feel the same, however it just seems so overwhelming, and if I may vent some, I have to wonder why she waited so long to do something about this situation, she should have taken care of this long ago....when all the trouble started, she is currently using her credit cards to get by, her SS is just barely enough to cover her mortgage payment, so I just don't know what else to do...I'm frantic over this, this couldn't have happened at a worse time with my son leaving for Iraq soon, which has already stressed me out to no ends....and then to try to find money to get us there is yet, another story.....oh gosh, I do appreciate your advice, it sure is helpful to know that I'm thinking along the right track, as I often tend to second guess myself as far as my decisions go, my hubby is with his mother right now as we speak, trying to figure out what to do....oh gosh this is all just too much for me right now..but again, thank you for your advice, and feedback...I really do appreciate it...

[Alejandros Mommy]

I have family like that as well...it is a very difficult thing to see...but as my Dh say its SEP (somebody else's problem). you can be supportive but don't enable their behavior...if you move in with her you will be enabling this behavior.

[2Close4Comforrt]

Update: Hubby got home earlier from his discussion with this mother, they decided on getting a 5th wheel to put on the property for Mom to live in, she no longer wants to live in the house, she says it's too much for her...(she's a Cancer survivor), and also has other health issues going on as well....although I really don't care to move anywhere, this is about as far as I am willing to go....let's just hope this works out for all invovled.....if anyone else out there has any other ideas, advice, or suggestions, please chime in! Thanks again!

[MissyChrissy]

I think she should at least try to sell her house. Perhaps she'd have enough $$ to buy another small place for herself.

[2Close4Comforrt]

I agree, but unfortunately there simply isn't enough time, she is currently living off her credit cards, and will soon be out of money...so selling her home wouldn't be an option at this point....I am a bit peeved that she waited this long to even consider selling her home, when she should have sold it a couple of years ago when all the trouble started....so far it appears that she is going to attempt to get a 5th wheel and put it on her property, and we will be moving into her current home...definatley not looking forward to moving yet, again! Any other ideas/suggestions/advice are desparetely needed, thanks again to all who replied with sugestions, they were all great....I think at this point, we may need a miracle! = (

[vanaden]

There's no reason for you to something that will just exploit your attacks. You don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with! There are nice ways to say "That wouldn't work for us"
That's a lot of stress and change to put on a family at once.
be strong and of good courage!!!
good luck

[2Close4Comforrt]

Thanks, unfortunately it seems that she is looking into getting that 5th wheel to put on her property, and so it seems we will be moving into her home, this alone is too much for me as it is, if it doesn't work out with the 5th wheel, I don't know what we'll do..I really do not want to live with her, or anyne else for that matter, no offense to her, I love her dearly, and she is a great person, just like you said it's all just too much, and the timing couldn't have come at a worse time..I need to concentrate on sending my son off to war next month, and figuring out a way to get to see him off, then bring his wife back home with us.....oh gosh....what to do, what to do....I really do appreciate all the feedback, advice, and suggestions...if there are any other ideas, please let me hear from you.....thanks again all!

[MissyChrissy]

She could live in her camper at a campground. Many retired people do that...and they don't have their families joining them.