[punkepooh]

Before I start let me give you all a little backround.
My BF and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We have lived together for a year and half or so.
When we first ran into each other 7 years after graduation from High School, to be honest I thought he was a great guy and would be a great friend, but he eventuall won me over with his sweet caring personality, well after 2 months of me ignoring his asking me out for a date. When we first started really dating he treated me better than anyone in my life and made me feel very special. We did a lot together and always had a blast. During the early months of our relationship we talked about marriage and family and what we wanted in the future.
We talked about moving in together just before a year of dating I was so excited I figured that it would be a stepping stone to getting married and having a family. In May of 20006 we were suprised to learn that I was pregnant, it was a huge suprise but we were very excited. Sadly I lost the baby about a week after we found out I was pregnant. I greived and still to this day get upset on all that I am missing out on, I'm not sure he ever did. He was raised very diffrent than me his parents just got married 2 years ago they are honest to God former hippies. Things have changed since that day in May, I spent the next year trying everything to get pregnant again thinking that would make me happy, turns out I have PCOS and even with treatment I have yet to conceive again. Our relationship has gone downhill in the past year, he now acts very chauvinistic and demanding. It got so bad that last week I packed everything up and left for a few days. I came back Sunday I missed him, and wanted things to work out, but now I am afraid I may have made a bad choice. Over the past year there have been some good times but my biggest problem is I only complain to my friends and family about all the bad things don't get me wrong it can get bad, to the point where I am crying at the things he says but I never think to tell people about the times he makes me breakfast in bed or helps with dinner so I can do my studying, and so on. My friends and family were so happy when I left and was so miserable and when I came home they all acted disappointed in me. I do love him I want this to work but I don't know how to make him understand my needs and why I need those things. I want to get married and have a family and he seems happy to wait untill who knows when. I guess I just don't know how to make it work how do you know when it is time to move on verses when you should fight to make it work?

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

[mommy2067]

First of all ((((((hugs)))))...I have been in similar situs including with my now DH...Previous relationships (especially my DS's dad) I can remember asking myself "Have I given enough? Is this the time to throw in the towel or do we go another round?" ...all the same questions...Inevitably with DS's dad it came to an end...not easy but the right choice in the long run...Years later started seeing my DH (we actually dated in high school too!!) and the first few years were great but then there were ups and downs, sometimes seemed like there were more downs then ups...I had my 2 kids at this point to think about and kept asking myself "is this going to work? What am I really looking for? " etc....Well something always kept bringing us back together...We did split a couple or more times too!! However, we eventually got through all the confusion and indecision..(mostly on my part) and last year we got married...We are actually in our 10th year together!!! As with every relationship there are going to be ups and downs...but we work through the downs and become stronger...

But here is the rub....although this is the path our relationship has taken that doesn't mean it is the one that yours is to take...or not take...There is so much grey area...I wish I could say in black and white..."This is what is happening this is what you should do!!!" I suggest you search your heart and mind.. which I guess is what you are doing by seeking advice...Do you guys have what it takes to make it work? Do you want (mostly) the same things or are you on different paths? I do know that we can't put our happiness solely on one person's shoulders...that little tidbit was told to me many moons ago....Nobody can "make" us happy all the time....That is way to much pressure/burden to put on another person....but you do need to consider how you feel when you are with this person...more often than not...Some relationships are only meant to run a certain course and it is in the holding on to them that we suffer...It is hard to realize though when to let go...The hard thing is that any meaningful relationship is going to take a certain amount of work most times...it is just knowing when you have given your all and still not getting anywhere...I guess that is maybe what you were hoping I could tell you but I can't...you have to search yourself, your heart, your mind, your relationship and reach that answer "to keep at it or to walk away"...I don't know if anything I said helped...I hope so...I will be thinking about you as you go through this process...and I am sending you more ((((((hugs))))) because extras are always good to have!!!

[tymee]

Wow, sorry to hear things have been so rough. Your situation sounds a lot like mine and dh's when we were dating. We moved in together after gosh, maybe 8 months of dating, I was excited too, and then we hit a few rocky patches (as most do when they live together). I did the same thing, I complained only about the negative stuff to my friends and family, and never about the good things, and it took a long time for the people I love the most to understand why I loved him. We hit a point to where we 'broke up' for a week, and everyone was excited, but I was miserable. We got back together and it took literally a year for some people to finally see what I see in my dh. I learned to turn my focus on the positive stuff and talk about all the good things and not mention the negative things at all. And now DH is a huge part of my family and my friends, they all love him...
My advise is to follow your heart, you know why you are with him. Talk about the good things to your friends and family when they happen, like if tomorrow he makes you breakfast in bed, call a friend and brag about it. Find that one friend who is willing to listen to you vent and not make a judgement (or vent on this forum). Slowly people you love will learn to accept him again, and will see the good in the man you love. It takes time, but you have to be willing to repair their view on him.

[mommy2067]

Hey Erin...Just wanted to know how you were doing? Hope things are working out for you in the way that is best...

[QueenAngie]

Any news or progress?

Sending you good wishes & happiness!

[punkepooh]

Things seem to be getting a bit better, it's hard since my best friend has cut all contact with me because she thinks in her words I could do better. so that in and of itself has been stressful. I am just taking it a day at a time and have decided to go talk to someone about somethings. I guess we will see how it goes. Thank you all for your care and support.

[mommy2067]

No problem....glad you are going to go and talk to someone...Hopefully they will be able to help you work through whatever you need to so that you can be happy and make the decisions you need to make....Will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers too...Keep taking it day by day...(((((hugs)))))

[quagmire8]

Erin, so sorry to hear about your tough times. I dont really have any good advice, just wanted you to know that i will pray for you and your BF, and i hope everything works out. ((hugs))